


I have meaning because you gave it to me.

by MountainDont



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Angst, Emphasis on Fallout 4 Characters, Eventual Smut, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Feminism, Fluff, I'm using it as a means to discuss politics and social issues in my fanfiction, Knife Play, Light Bondage, Mashup between Fallout 3 and 4, No real plot because the plot keeps changing, Politics and Political Discussions, Protect Gob 2016, Rebuilding the Nation, Recreational Drug Use, Right now I don't see an end happening for this story, Saving the Capital Wasteland, Saving the Commonwealth, Sexism, Slow Burn, Strong Female Characters, Threesome - F/F/M, pretty AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-08-13 13:03:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 29
Words: 55,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7977721
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MountainDont/pseuds/MountainDont
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Still edging along the cliff?” she asked. Hancock looked down at her.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“That’s what my friend would say. She was a girl I went to school with. Whenever something good happened to me, and I didn’t want to believe it, she said I was edging along the cliff because I was afraid of diving into the water.”</p><p>While Nora would never say that Hancock lived a life of tragedy, sometimes he was a tragic man. He overcame it; it seemed to be one of his amazing abilities. But Nora knew how weary the man really was. “Jump in at your own pace, John,” she said. “I’ll be here waiting to catch you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. On Confidence and Rejection

**Author's Note:**

> I took a bit of liberty with Nora because I love badass young women who break free from the mold and do their own thing. Don't judge me fam.
> 
> Also the rating may shift from mature to explicit depending on how detailed the smut is.
> 
> Shifted it to explicit because yeah, the smut got detailed.

“A party, huh?” The ghoul took a deep drag of her cigarette. Nora’s patient smile lingered until she blew smoke out at her face. “Y’know, Hancock doesn’t make a big deal about birthdays. Not even sure how you found out about it. Where’s he now?”

“In Sanctuary,” Nora replied. “Made him wait there. Said I was going to Diamond City.”

“Sneaky. Listen, hon, I’m always down for a good party. Most people in Goodneighbor are. But we’ve known the man longer than you have. Sneaking around and trickery works for him sometimes, and sometimes it pisses him right off.” Daisy snubbed the cigarette out on her desk. “This is probably gonna end up being the latter.”

“I appreciate the concern,” Nora said. “You manage to find what I asked for?”

“Sure did.” Daisy reached into a drawer and pulled out locked box. She opened it and showed Nora the wares. Nora smiled, paid for Daisy’s service, and put the box into her bag. “You’ve got no clue how many people I had to get in touch with to find that shit. Of course, knowing your plan now, it makes sense.” Daisy folded her arms, looking amused and remarkably pleased with herself, as if Nora was a puzzle that she’d just figured out. “Here I was, thinking our mayor rubbed off on the perfect little angel. It’s a gift, isn’t it?”

“Maybe your initial assumption was right,” Nora replied, shouldering her bag. “Maybe I just like getting high every now and again.”

“Not many people make those kinds of pre-war drugs anymore. You wouldn’t pay top-dollar for that stuff. Not for yourself.” Nora hummed, leaned against the counter. “You spent too much time in Goodneighbor for us to not know what kind of a woman you are, Nora. You only bring out the caps when it’s to treat other people. Or to help them.” Daisy sighed, dramatic and a little sarcastic. “Makes all the sense in the world now, that our mayor ran off with you.”

“Remind me to treat you to dinner,” Nora said, pushing off the counter to make her way to the door. “Thanks again, Daisy.”

“So, how long have you been in love with him?”

Nora stilled, and her heart stuttered. Slowly, she turned back to look at the ghoul shop keeper, eyes wide with uncertainty. “Don’t look at me like that,” Daisy said. “You may be as old as I am, but that vault kept you young. How old are you?”

“Twenty-two,” Nora said.

“Bit young to be a lawyer, aren’t you?”

“I was a paralegal with aspirations,” Nora replied.

“Bit young to be a mother, too.”

Indignation welled up inside the Commonwealth warrior, and she frowned. Squared shoulders, chin tilted up, back straight, and Daisy could only respond with laughter. “I was a good mother,” Nora said, jaw clenched. “I was a good wife.”

“Relax. I’m just testing you.” But despite Daisy’s demand, Nora found that she just couldn’t relax. Not about that. Her whole life after she’d given birth had been dedicated to her family. She’d put her dreams on hold while Nate was overseas, had let go of all her dreams for a few months. A few months turned into a year, and now there was no chance for her to become the kind of woman she’d wanted to be since she was little. But she didn’t regret a moment of it. She didn’t regret holding Shaun, didn’t regret watching court cases on the news because she couldn’t be there in person. Didn’t regret telling Codsworth that she’d prefer to be there, too, when he insisted that he could take care of Shaun alone so that she could continue her education.

Perhaps that’s why she cared so much about the Commonwealth. Perhaps that’s why she preferred to take Hancock along with her when she went out to take care of people. Because they were both rooting for the underdog and wanted to make the most difference for those little lives. She’d always been like that. The paralegal with aspirations to become a defense attorney.

“Hancock likes it when people stick up for their beliefs. That’s all.” Nora’s glare didn’t fade. “As I was saying, I’ve been here a long time, and here you are, fresh and new and wide-eyed. I’ve seen many men and women fall in love with him. They all come to Goodneighbor for the same reasons: They’re looking for someone, hiding from someone, or just trying to live life on their own terms. A majority of them stay because of him. And you know what he does, Nora?” Daisy leaned in close. “He rejects all of them.” Nora’s heart sank, and she hoped that it didn’t show in her face. “Not because he’s a bad guy who likes breaking hearts. He’s got some self-esteem issues, as I’m sure you’ve seen.” She had. “Thinks that pretty people have no right falling for a ghoul. But maybe that’s a good thing. If he saw himself the way everyone here saw him, he’d have an ego the size of the Commonwealth, and he’d lose some of his humble appeal then, wouldn’t he?”

Nora thought about this for a moment. It was true. She did admire Hancock because he cared less about himself and more about the people. He cared about freedom, about living life however you wanted. And freedom extended to whatever lengths people dictated they did, so long as they didn’t take someone else’s ability to live freely. He protected not only his own rights, but the rights of so many others. She remembered telling Hancock, time and time again, about how life used to be before the war. About the corrupt politics and about the horrible things people would do, masking it all as freedom.

“That’s a load of shit,” Hancock would say. “Look at the world now. It’s gone through hell and back, but it’s better than it ever was, if you ask me.” And Nora couldn’t help but agree.

“Somehow,” Daisy continued, “you managed to change all that. He left the place he loves the most because some newcomer came along and convinced him that the battle out there is better than the one in here.”

“What’s your point?” Nora asked.

Daisy smiled again, lit up another cigarette. “I’ll let Magnolia know that she’s got a party to plan for,” she responded, and Nora left Daisy’s Discounts feeling bewildered and totally mystified.

By the time that she was done with her errands in Goodneighbor, she found Dogmeat by Rexford, enjoying the attention of multiple settlers. “You being a good boy, Dogmeat?” He sniffed the air, before his nose landed on Nora’s bag. She petted him, then entered the hotel. Her dog trotted loyally at her heels. She rented a room for the night, promising that she’d get back home by tomorrow night. But it wasn’t easy, getting any kind of sleep after the conversation she’d had with Daisy.

As young as Nora was, she had always been a confident girl. She’d been raised in a privileged home, wealthy by anyone’s standards. Her ability to get an education had been an easy one, and it had been a joy to everyone when she married an esteemed war veteran – though he was easily twice her age. He was politically active and a strong advocate of the military. Nate was greatly admired by Nora’s family and their close acquaintances. It almost worked like an arranged marriage of sorts. Nora had married the man for security, because it had been expected of her to do so. But it turned out that she genuinely liked him, didn’t mind the idea of raising a family with him. Her parents didn’t like that she’d given birth at such a young age, nor did they like the idea that she dropped out of university to take care of her son.

“Let the robot take care of him,” said Nora’s mother. “He’s a Mister Handy, after all, and top quality, too.”

“The robot’s name is Codsworth,” Nora had replied. “And I had a child so I could have a family. What’s the point if I’m not there for him?” Nora’s parents had exchanged sad looks, and regarded their daughter with such pity that she had almost stormed out at that moment.

“For security and appearances,” her mother had said.

And after that, Nora began to realize that the politics of wealth would never change. She had been born for a specific purpose, and her parents had expected Shaun to be raised the same way. In a rebellious fit, Nora had raised her child with the help of Codsworth, and for a while she had been happy – until she’d realized that there was no winning. Nate, as much as Nora liked him, had been far happier seeing Nora at home than in the classroom. “It’s not that the courtroom isn’t a woman’s place,” Nate had said. “It’s just not a mother’s place. You’ve got so many hormones from breastfeeding. Imagine trying to defend a client like that.” At that night, Nora had wished he would die.

It had been two weeks before the bombs fell, and when Nora realized that Nate really was dead, she’d felt so disgusted with herself, as if she’d really been at fault.

But this new world – there was something so exciting and liberating about it. Aside from snide comments here and there (“Of course a mother’s only goal is to search for her son” “You know, you should only be having kids to keep the population going. Otherwise, you need to keep your legs closed” “You’re too young to be a mother! You poor dear, and in times like this too”) most people didn’t care that Nora was a woman. Most people were eager to help her find her son. There had been Nick, Preston, and of course Hancock.

Thinking of him managed to set her belly on fire while making her heart plummet at the same time. Daisy had a point. Hancock’s standards weren’t ridiculously high. They were nonexistent. He didn’t seem like the romantic type. Maybe the one-night stand type, to drown his own sorrow in some company, but not the kind of man who would engage in any kind of relationship. Nora rolled over in her bed, staring blankly at the wall before her. She was confident, yes. The kind of confident to pursue a law degree. The kind of confident to defy her parents. The kind of confident to roam the Commonwealth and take on anyone who got in her way.

But something about the possibility of rejection made her want to curl up into a ball and refuse the sunrise.


	2. On Disloyalty and Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to type up a long explanation as to why I include so many social issues in this story, but that'll be explained through dialogue later on. Just keep in mind that if you don't like social issues being a prevalent part of your fanfiction, then this isn't the story for you. :P

Nora wiped the sweat from her brow and gazed up at the setting sun. Behind her, Hancock stepped out of the abandoned trailer and waved a canister of Jet around like an archaeologist who’d just discovered a new type of ancient species’ femur. “Got myself party material for the night,” he said. Nora turned her attention to him, grinned when he practically inhaled the Jet, and folded her arms across her chest. “One bad thing about being a ghoul – you don’t get the hit as well as you used to. Damn shame.” Nora thought back to the white powder in her bag and her smile faded.

Modern drugs were far less sophisticated than what she’d seen in her time. They provided that added sense of danger that Hancock seemed so eager to chase, despite the consequences. What if cocaine didn’t provide the kind of thrill he was looking for? Would he even appreciate the gift at that point?

She entered the trailer and closed the door behind her. Two bedrolls had been spread out on the floor, and those remained the only usable fixtures of the trailer. An abandoned miniature fridge stood to the side, disemboweled and torn apart. Boarded up windows and a sink that no longer worked made up the rest. Nora’s bag had been temporarily placed on top of one of her bedrolls. Hancock sat down on the second. “Let’s hear some of that Diamond City Radio,” he said, and Nora obliged. She turned her Pip-Boy on, tuned the radio, and adjusted the volume accordingly. “Rad storm’s gonna hit pretty soon. Can feel it in my balls.”

“Privilege of being a ghoul?” Nora asked, trying to keep the humor going, though the idea of another radiation storm set her on edge.

“Privilege of being John fuckin’ Hancock, sister.”

“Someone’s got a big ego.”

“Fake it ‘til you make it, ain’t that the way?” As Hancock pressed his back against his bed, Nora silently agreed with him. She sat down on the filthy floor next to him. “Thanks for grabbing me before heading back to Goodneighbor. Been wanting to check up on them for a while.”

“I figured you deserved a break,” Nora said. “If the rad storm clears up in the next few hours, we should be there before tomorrow night.” Her nerves remained on edge. Did he know that she was planning something? If he did, he didn’t let on about it. Nora tucked hair behind her ear, hyper-aware of Hancock’s scrutinizing gaze on her. While he didn’t mind silence, she certainly did. Especially when storms were brewing – both the internal ones, and in regards to the weather. “There was this case my boss took on at one point,” Nora said, and Hancock perked up almost immediately. He enjoyed hearing about her firm’s cases. Enjoyed the political discussions after. “It was a murder case. The accused was a woman who pled guilty and claimed it was a crime of passion. We were only there for a short period of time. His job was to get her the lowest sentence possible, and mine was to learn. We argued that the victim, her husband, had been found cheating on our client with a younger, prettier woman.”

“No honor with assholes like that,” Hancock said. Nora agreed, as she almost always did with him.

“It was the first time I felt any real empathy for a client of mine.”

Hancock sat up again, brow furrowed and sharp eyes searching her face for an explanation. “Nate cheat on you?” he asked. Nora laughed, a little bit bitter.

“No,” she said. “No, he wasn’t that kind of a man.” She sighed, shoulders and chest heaving, and lifted a hand, palm up. Defeat. Acceptance of whatever prize she would get for showing it. Closed her fingers around an empty palm. All those sacrifices with nothing to show for it. “How is it that women like Fahrenheit never have to deal with the ramifications of being born with a vagina?”

Hancock laughed at that. “You’ve got no clue how many times she’s busted heads for people insinuating that she’s just tryin’ to ‘run with the big boys’,” he said. Nora smiled weakly. “So that means that Nate was ‘that’ kind of a guy.”

“He was, indeed.” Nora stretched her legs out and rested her back against the wall of the trailer. Thunder rumbled in the distance. She could make out a faint glow of green in the sky. “He’d just raise his brow whenever I told him I had a chance at a promotion. Like he knew I wouldn’t get it, and yeah, he was right. I mean, I busted my ass at the firm. I was the errand girl, the secretary, the paralegal – and I didn’t complain once. Because I’ve always been kind of proud of how hard I work, I guess.” Hancock hummed, deciding that now wasn’t the time to respond. Nora continued. “But if I showed one sign of being human, he considered it weakness and acted as if it were expected of me to break down eventually. I don’t know if it’s the military training or the fact that he had the external equipment.”

“Probably has more to do with being a shithead,” Hancock said. “Actually, never mind. That probably wasn’t the right thing to say.”

“No,” Nora replied. “You’re right. He was a real shithead.” She nudged him with her shoulder, and he swayed gently at the impact. “That’s what I get for marrying someone I got along with, instead of someone I loved.” Hancock didn’t respond. He examined the empty canister of Jet in his hands, twirling it around in his fingers as he always did with objects whenever he was deep in thought. “Bet I could kick his ass now though.” He grunted instead of laughed. Nora felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, as if she’d said the wrong thing. “What’s wrong?”

He looked up at her, and a slow, unconvincing smile fell on his lips almost as easily as rage or misery did. “Just wondering when I’ll get my next fix,” he lied, and Nora could tell that he knew. He knew she didn’t believe him. Hancock always listened to her, never let his thoughts run rampant while she spoke. But still, he’d lied. She sighed again, fixing him with the best deadpan that she could. But he wasn’t one to break, and his smile became more easy on his carefree features. “So you wanted to kill him?” he asked, prompting Nora to continue with her story. She hesitated for a moment, wanting to press the issue, then eventually shook her head.

“I just wanted him gone, eventually,” she said. “It was all fine at first. Not great, but fine. I played the role of the supportive wife, the doting mother, and the hardworking paralegal. But I guess only two of those mattered to Nate, not the whole picture.”

“Imagine if he saw you now,” Hancock mused.

Nora closed her eyes and wondered what Nate would think of her if he saw how she handled the Commonwealth. She never once took a break to let the anxiety get to her – until she’d met Hancock, when she encountered her first radiation storm and he had to explain to her while she was sobbing in her mattress that they were just more common during the autumn. “Sure,” he’d said, “they happen year ‘round, but you gotta get used to it coming around more often around this time of year.” And it had been said with such easiness, as if it was nothing at all, but nothing about it had been dismissive. She remembered that tone of voice. She’d heard it once before when he’d comforted Kent after having been tortured. Like he understood, but he overcame it too. So there was the inspiration – in Hancock himself.

Nora wondered what Nate would think if he saw her kill raiders with such efficiency and such deadly accuracy that the thirsty ground couldn’t drink the blood fast enough. She wondered if he would find her too cold now, or if he’d take Hancock’s approach and encourage her to rid the world of more filth.

And Nora wondered how many roads ended with Hancock, and if Nate would have eventually figured out that she’d never been in love with their marriage. Wondered if he’d see it as blatantly as Daisy had. Wondered if he’d let it happen, if he’d pretend nothing was going on, or if he’d fight for her.

And, more importantly, if Hancock would fight back.

“Just imagine that,” she said.


	3. On Relief and Good Times

“You get everything together?” asked Nora. Daisy hummed in confirmation as she leaned against the wall within The Third Rail, smoke billowing from her decayed nostrils. “Thanks, Daisy.”

“I did it for Hancock,” the ghoul replied, and just as Nora was about to roll her eyes, the ghoul tacked on, “and for your undying love for him.” She seemed to really get joy out of the flush that turned Nora’s entire face and neck red, and her laughter proved it. “Oh, honey, if it ever gets beyond the point of friendship, he’s going to have a lot of fun with you.” This did nothing to ease Nora’s embarrassment, so she turned her attention to others.

When Nora found Magnolia at the bar, the performer had just finished her whisky and seemed ready to get back up on stage. “Oh, Nora,” she crooned, “it’s been so long. I’m a little disappointed that last time you came back, I wasn’t on your list of people to chat with.” Her eyes hinted that she really didn’t mind, though. Of all the people in Goodneighbor, Magnolia was her favorite. The two had become well acquainted, and often had a great deal of discussions until the singer had to get back up on stage. While Nora got along with Daisy and admired Fahrenheit, the ghoul treated her like a child and Fahrenheit seemed inclined to ignore Nora until an encounter became inevitable. It wasn’t that Fahrenheit was a bad person; she just wasn’t the most sociable. From what Hancock had said (after Nora had expressed concern for Fahrenheit disliking her) the woman admired Nora a great deal, and even called her a “damned good warrior.” Nora had never felt more pride than she did at that moment, because she had, indeed, worked exceptionally hard to be the kind of woman Fahrenheit, apparently, saw her as. And to be admired by someone Nora looked up to – that was a great feeling.

In short, she felt at home here in Goodneighbor, and they treated her as one of their own. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t a drinker, or didn’t partake in Hancock’s passion for chems. It didn’t matter that Nora fit in damn near everywhere that she went. She just felt so at ease here, because people welcomed her. It hadn’t been that way initially, but when the mayor they so idolized seemed to trust her, they all fell into ranks and followed him. Hancock was a good man with good judgment. He knew who to trust, and who not to. It was why Goodneighbor had been so safe – it was why everyone who compared Diamond City to Goodneighbor always said the same thing: “Sure, the City’s cleaner, and it’s a nod to the old way of life I guess, but Goodneighbor doesn’t try to ignore the threat of synths, and the mayor makes sure the entire Commonwealth knows that they take those things seriously.”

“Sorry about that,” Nora said, and Magnolia shifted from one foot to the other. “It was time-sensitive.”

“I heard,” Magnolia replied, soothing voice easing Nora’s nerves. “You know the last time we had a town-wide party here, honey?”

“Um, two days ago?”

Magnolia laughed, because the response seemed so genuine. “I guess we all look like a bunch of partiers to the outsider, sure,” she said, “but no. For the most part, we keep to ourselves. Hell, the only time you’ll see us all together is if Hancock’s up on that podium, speaking to us.” Nora realized, not for the first time, that things had changed quite a bit since her time. Cookouts and birthday parties meant the entire neighborhood would swing by. Labor Day was an event where Nora lived, and she always hosted the best parties. Her husband would grill, and she would entertain the guests with games and stories. Just as she’d organized this event, she’d organized all the ones back at home, too. It made her realize how desperately Sanctuary needed something like this. “Daisy thinks Hancock may not like it, but I don’t agree. Goodneighbor’s his life now. He wants to see us thrive. And while we’ve never been much for a sense of community – that’s too fluffy for us, you know? – no one can deny that celebrating something that really matters to us, together, is a nice reprieve from all the chaos going on in the world right now. Gets us away from the Institute and brings us back to our humble little community, if only for a night.”

“Glad I could help,” Nora said. Magnolia smiled, and it seemed so easy. Not forced. Not the thing she would put on politely for the men who visited The Third Rail, who thought it was appropriate to hit on Magnolia. For some reason, they all thought that because she was a performer, that meant she was there to perform for them in any circumstance. And while Magnolia was certainly flirtatious, and perhaps even promiscuous, she’d told Nora on many occasions that she got exhausted by all the attention she received. “Sometimes I just want to beat those jerks upside the head and tell them that I sleep with people on my schedule, not on theirs,” she’d said, and Nora encouraged her friend to drink to that.

“Where’s Hancock now?” asked Magnolia.

“Rexford. Told him to get a room for the night.”

“Rexford’s empty, hon.”

Nora’s smile transformed into a mischievous grin. “A guy deserves to be a little worried before he has a good time, right?” And Magnolia stifled a laugh.

Indeed, this had been Nora’s idea of Hancock’s party. The guy was as unpredictable as they came. Some things angered him, but he accepted others as playful. Nora knew that this would be the latter. Whether or not he liked the party, he could certainly admire the harmlessness in a little prank. Goodneighbor had been normal when they arrived, but the moment Nora sent him off to Rexford to rent a room, she rounded everyone up off the streets and ushered them into The Third Rail. The moment Hancock came out, the place would look like a ghost town.

Wouldn’t be long, now …

As if reading Nora’s mind, languid footfalls echoed across a suddenly hushed room. Nora and Magnolia turned their attention to the stairs, and Hancock descended into a full room, where he had to push past bodies. Hands grabbed at his shoulders, boastful cries of, “Now we know your birthday!” and playful comments along the lines of “Wow you’re getting old, fuckhead,” bounced across the walls, and Hancock didn’t stop walking until he came to Nora. His arms folded across his chest, his shoulders squared. The epitome of intimidation. Not at all pleased.

And Nora, knowing exactly what he wanted, said, “Nick.”

“Of fucking course. Resourceful asshole.”

Grinning from ear to ear, Nora spun Hancock around until he faced a table of gifts. None of them had been wrapped – it wasn’t like the post-apocalypse had the means to do it anymore – but the sentiment was still there. Magnolia slipped off to hop up on the stage, and she began singing. Talking, laughter, and cheers to another good year in Goodneighbor rallied the people in The Third Rail, and Nora whispered in Hancock’s ear, “Happy birthday. Not a single biography in sight.” And suddenly, the ghoul mayor laughed, and Nora knew that he wasn’t as angry as Daisy would have thought.

In fact, Hancock seemed to have a damned good night. He shared his gifts – mostly a wide variety of chems – with the people of Goodneighbor, speaking jovially with them and threatening to gut them if they threw a party for him every year. Women and men flirted with him (which caused jealousy to pool in Nora’s belly, but for the sake of a good time she didn’t intervene) and Hancock had this genuine, easy smile on his face like he’d never been this relaxed before. And Nora had never seen him like that.

Seen him forget all the things he’d gone through, just to arrive to this point.

A settlement of people, all there for him, celebrating the things that he’d done for them. And Nora could drink to that, so she ordered two beers and brought one to Hancock once the crowd around him dispersed. He was high on Jet and Mentats, but they would wear off soon. Always did for ghouls. He accepted the bottle from her, but he was never a heavy drinker. Much preferred the chems. He’d told Nora that on multiple occasions. Not that she would have minded. “You know,” she said over the music, “I always had this belief – even before the bombs – that prohibition of anything was the wrong way of going about it.” Hancock looked at her, taking in her words without speaking. She could never get enough of the attention that he showed her. “Back in the day, drugs were illegal. I told you that, right?” He nodded twice. “But you know, making them illegal – people do whatever people want to do. If they wanted to get their hands on marijuana or cocaine, then they were going to do it. And because it was illegal, drug dealers could jack up the prices or lace it with stuff. It resulted in thefts and deaths and just tons of money for the government. If we’d have just made it legal.”

“Amen, sister.”

“To Goodneighbor.” Nora lifted her glass. Hancock followed her movement, mimicked her toast, and they both knew that Goodneighbor was Hancock.

Hours passed, and soon it was four in the morning. People left the party, congratulating Hancock once more (“For what? Being old as shit?”) and soon it was just a handful of people. Fahrenheit stood in the corner, admiring the music, but constantly on guard. Daisy had passed out at one of the tables, bottle in hand, and Magnolia was taking a break from singing. Hancock, meanwhile, examined the rest of the chems that had been gifted to him and lamented having shared so many of them. “Barely got any left,” he grumbled, and Nora reminded him that at least he had a good time. There were always more chems in the Commonwealth, to which Hancock replied: “None as good as these, though.” And she understood what he meant. It was always better when people gave you something you enjoyed, as opposed to finding it.

Nora told Magnolia that they were leaving, and thanked her for her hard work. When she reached into her caps to pay the woman, Magnolia refused. “Everything’s on the house tonight. Don’t worry. But oh, don’t tell Hancock about it, yeah?” Nora agreed, and she led Hancock back to Rexford, where they finally rented their room. Nora had asked, multiple times, why Hancock refused to stay at the Old State House whenever he was in Goodneighbor, and Hancock’s reply was always the same: “Now that I’m out and about, makes no sense for me to stay there. Nah, it’s better if they see me here, like them.” Nora paid for the stay, then led him back to the room. She sat down on her bed, and Hancock removed his shoes before lying down on the other.

“Fuck me,” he groaned, and Nora laughed.

“It’s been a long night.” He repeated the swear on more time before lowering his hat over his head. “Got one more gift for you, though,” Nora said. Hancock tapped his tricorn hat up and looked at her, curious, as she reached into her bag and pulled out the box. She handed it to him, let him open it. Within was a single plastic bottle (it was always funny to Nora, seeing cocaine in a plastic bottle instead of a bag, but there was a shortage of bags in the post-apocalypse so she let it slide) and a couple of syringes. 

“Well, shit, sister.”

“I know, it’s playing on the belief that all you care about is a good chem rush, but I had to think about what to get a man who’d had it all.” Nora tried to rush the explanation out, and Hancock turned the bottle over in his hands. He said something about having to dissolve the powder to use it (which had been Nora’s idea, since he couldn’t very well snort it with the cartilage in his nose all but decayed) before setting it aside. “Some places up north still make it. It was hard, getting it, but it’s not impossible.” Nora pointed up, and Hancock’s eyes followed her finger.

“They make it up in Heaven?” he asked.

“No, asshole. The opposite: New York.” And the two laughed so merrily that Nora wished he could live like this all the time. Noticing that he hadn’t opened the bottle yet, Nora shifted and asked, “Do you like it?”

“Yeah,” he said, eyes lingering on the box for a moment. “Yeah, just waiting for the right time.” He closed the box slowly, as if not wanting to lose sight of what was within, and set it up by his shallow pillow. Nora felt her heart do a strange little dance in her chest, and she couldn’t help but beam. “Really haven’t had it all, though, before you start thinking that.” And with that, Hancock lie back flat on his bed, hat turned up over his face again, and promptly pretended to fall asleep.

And Nora knew that it was pretend, too. He always tried so hard, breathing too slow too immediately, but if she looked under his hat, she caught him with his eyes open. With the shadow of his hat in the way, though, she couldn’t see what he was looking at – but the serene smile on his face indicated that whatever he was looking at this time, he really enjoyed the view.

Nora got the pleasant sensation that it might be her, and she fell asleep clinging to that hope.


	4. On Confessions and Acceptance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lots of chapters in the next few days, so expect to see several a day. I've got a lot of ideas and it's a lot of writing. Also lots of fluff in this one. Lots and lots of fluff.

They lingered in Goodneighbor long enough for Hancock to make an announcement: “Last night was fun and all, but let’s not make a big deal out of it every year, yeah? In fact, forget the date.” And the good people of Goodneighbor promised, but Hancock and Nora both knew that they wouldn’t be keeping it. Nora realized that she’d made life in Goodneighbor a little bit more difficult for Hancock, because every year he’d have to endure something like this. But she also figured that, eventually, he wouldn’t mind. The man needed to realize that people loved him, and if it took a celebration every year for him to realize that, then Nora was willing to make that sacrifice on his behalf. When she told Hancock about that, he grunted and said, “Yeah, but they don’t do the same for each other.”

Nora shrugged her shoulders and kicked a stone out of the way as they made their way through the ruined remains of Boston. “Maybe they should, then.”

“Too much effort,” Hancock said.

“Let them have fun celebrating a man that they admire,” Nora replied. Hancock grunted again. “Give them that much. If they want it, then what’s the harm?” And Nora knew that if she put it like that, he couldn’t argue with her. He may not like the idea, but it was true. He was always preaching that people should be able to do whatever they liked – within reason, of course (no stripping others of their freedom, so rape and murder and taking advantage of people was definitely out of the question) – but he’d kept his birthday hidden for a reason. “You liked it, Hancock.”

“Won’t like it next year.”

“I’ll organize it differently next year. You’ll like it twice as much then. I rise up to challenges, you know.”

“You plan on hanging around me that long?” Hancock scoffed, and Nora stopped walking. He did, too, but didn’t look at her.

“Yeah, of course I do. Why?” He didn’t answer. “Look, if you want to part ways, then that’s on you. But the way I see things right now, I see us going a long way. We’ve still got the entire Commonwealth to clean up, don’t we?”

“Hell yeah, we do.”

“People want to be around you. You know, I’ve noticed, you linger on the past a lot, Hancock. But the past doesn’t dictate who you are right now.” The mayor grunted and scratched at his chin. “You saw a problem and you changed it. You’re done repenting, aren’t you?”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

“To the rest of the world, it does.”

The two continued walking, bumping shoulders occasionally – mostly Nora’s fault, because she wanted Hancock to get out of his shitty mood. It wasn’t until they were out of Boston that they spoke again. “What are Mentats like?” she asked, and Hancock hummed, thinking for a moment.

“Really heightens your perception,” he said. “You see things clearly. In a whole new light, almost. One of those philosophical drugs. Definitely not a downer though. It’s the kind of chem you take when you want to get shit done, and you want to do it creatively. For some people, though –” he waggled his eyebrows at her, and she grinned “—just makes them horny.”

“Is that what it does to you?” Nora asked. “That’s a little more information than I needed to know.”

“So why’d you ask?”

“Because you brought it up!”

“Maybe I think our Commonwealth hero needs to lighten up and get laid. Consider it my method of peer pressure support.”

“I mean, I was curious, but now I’ll make sure that the only person I’m around whenever I pop a Mentat is Nick.”

Hancock scoffed. “Damn. Feel bad for the old synth, then. Doesn’t seem like the type who can keep up with you.”

Nora rolled her eyes. “You’ve never seen me perform. I could be one of those lifeless sorts. Real boring.”

“I’ve seen you rip the head off a raider and yell battle cries to Valhalla,” Hancock replied, and Nora laughed at the exaggeration. “Trust me, sister, I’ll never picture you as the lifeless one in any scenario. The black widow type? Definitely.”

“We’ve got a strange relationship, don’t we?” Nora asked suddenly, and Hancock frowned in thought. “Like, how we can talk about these things and it means nothing.” Hancock shrugged. He didn’t say anything. Another sudden shift in mood. Unpredictable.

Nora went for it.

“Out of curiosity,” she said, heart thudding loudly enough to echo in her ears, “does it mean anything? At all?”

“Does it?” Hancock asked, deflecting the question. When Nora didn’t answer, he ran his finger over the brim of his hat. “Dunno. Honestly? Thought about it.” And while that answer should have sent her over the moon, it only heightened her nerves. Nora felt her palms sweat.

“Me, too,” she admitted.

They stood there, on the outskirts of ruined Boston, Nora watching Hancock and Hancock watching the sunset. Several moments passed. “Can I share something with you?”

“You wanna come across as clingy?” Hancock joked.

“Shut up,” Nora said, shoving his shoulder again. Quickly, she brought her hand back down, because it had just become so obvious to her that it was a flirtatious move. And it must have become obvious to Hancock, too, at that moment, because instead of swaying with it like he normally did, he stood awkwardly still. Like a high schooler about to ask his crush out on prom. “Daisy said I didn’t stand a chance.” Hancock grunted.

“She would,” he said. And Nora suddenly understood. And a new found respect for Daisy entered her like a bright candle that warmed her entire being. To have been rejected by the object of her affections, then work so hard for another woman to possibly earn that love that she so desperately craved. Not because she respected Nora, but because she respected Hancock and wanted him to have a decent life. “Listen, it’s not that I don’t wanna give it a shot or anything.” Nora’s heart sank. Why did he admit to having feelings if he was just going to end up rejecting her? Perhaps Daisy’s warning had been more than just jealousy. Perhaps Hancock really was that hard to get. “But a woman like you? After what you’ve been through? Last thing you need is another fuckup.”

“I think I’m perfectly capable of deciding what I need,” Nora said. “I spent the last couple of months deciding it, you know.” His features softened. “Yes, Hancock. Months. Because the moment I met you, I realized that you were one of a kind.”

“Shit, sister, I’m not the only one trying to make a difference.”

“You’re right. But you’re the only one who doesn’t make me feel guilty when I have to make difficult choices. If I don’t make it somewhere in time, Preston makes me feel bad. If I pull the trigger on the wrong person, Nick may not say anything, but it’s there in the way he looks at me. But you?” Nora blinked. There were no words to describe the overwhelming sense of gratitude she felt whenever she traveled with Hancock, because he was so unlike everyone else. “You know what it’s like to make mistakes, and you know that we can all fix them. I need that. I need you.”

They fell silent once more, and Nora wished that Hancock would say something. He stared at her, eyes searching for something that was in plain sight. Finally, that same ease came over him. Relaxed posture, broad grin, and his response: “You got a ghoul fetish, don’t you?”

“You got a fetish for girls who do?”

“I might.”

And that was it. That was how Nora’s confession for love resolved itself – not with rejection, but with total acceptance. And immediately, she felt relief. A huge burden lifted off her chest as Hancock squeezed her shoulder and said to be patient with him. “I don’t go around actively wooing women. It’s a passive trait of mine.” And Nora laughed. She understood. They both needed time to figure out how real romance worked, but Nora was grateful that he was at least willing to give it a shot. More than grateful really. Elevated. On cloud nine. Over the moon. Out of the Milky Way. Where other women had failed, she had succeeded – and while romance was hardly her main priority in life, it was certainly quite an accomplishment. As a young girl, she always wondered what it felt like, falling in love. And she’d thought that she’d found it with Nate until she’d realized that it was just tolerance and friendship that she felt with him.

But this was new. This mutual respect and gratitude and appreciation made Nora understand what being in love was like. And she’d certainly spent enough time getting to know Hancock to know that this was, indeed, love. She’d pined after him and stayed awake at night wondering what his embrace was like. And she’d actually figured it out, too. Because when they stopped at the same trailer halfway between Boston and Sanctuary, Nora put the bedrolls together and had Hancock sit next to her. Leaned against him until he wrapped an arm around her back – then another around her front like he was afraid to let her go. He asked if he was moving too fast, and Nora said, “We’ve spent enough time together to skip all the bullshit, don’t you think?”

He smelled like cigarette smoke and something foreign. Nora figured it must be a mixture between irradiated flesh and Jet smoke – something you just didn’t catch the scent of until you were close enough, and it was intoxicating. Despite how her back was starting to hurt with the way she had turned at the waist to hold onto him, she stayed like that. “It’s strange, how much can change in a day.”

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Mhm.” Then she looked up at him, saw him gazing at the cracks between the boards on the windows. “Still edging along the cliff?” she asked. Hancock looked down at her.

“What?”

“That’s what my friend would say. She was a girl I went to school with. Whenever something good happened to me, and I didn’t want to believe it, she said I was edging along the cliff because I was afraid of diving into the water.”

“Yeah, you don’t need Mentats with perception like that,” Hancock said. “If I give it to you, you’re gonna be reading minds next.”

“Something tells me your mind is a terrifying place to be,” Nora said, and Hancock chuckled. “Let me guess – vigilante justice, chems, and porn.”

“I’m a man of simple pleasures.”

And of course they both knew that Hancock had so much more to think about. He had to consider his brother, Goodneighbor, and now Nora. He was a man of high profile, and the whole of the Commonwealth had their eye on him. While Nora would never say that Hancock lived a life of tragedy, sometimes he was a tragic man. He overcame it; it seemed to be one of his amazing abilities. But Nora knew how weary the man really was. “Jump in at your own pace, John,” she said. “I’ll be here waiting to catch you.”


	5. On Social Acceptance and Seeking Refuge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hancock's got all these sweet names for Nora, like "love" and "sunshine" and "sweetheart" and "babe" and Nora bursts through the door all "SHUT THE FUCK UP SHITLORD."
> 
> There you go, Hancock.
> 
> That's the kind of woman you fell in love with.
> 
> One who calls you "shitlord."
> 
> And you're goddamn proud of it, aren't you, you strange bastard.
> 
> Also some alleyway foreshadowing. You're welcome.

“Morning.”

Nora stretched, arms up, while Hancock preferred to stretch his arms around her. She looked at the time. “Says here it’s two in the afternoon.”

“Sun rises in the east, and wherever you wake up,” Hancock replied, and Nora could have laughed at the cheesy poetry. But at the same time, she was immensely grateful that there was something so simply romantic about Hancock. He seemed to genuinely appreciate her. He’d spent the entire night, arm underneath her, functioning as her pillow and blanket all at once, and never once did he try to take advantage of her. He’d kissed her forehead, and it had woken her up. When he’d apologized, she’d kissed his chin and went right back to sleep. And that was how the night was.

Hancock not jumping off the cliff, but climbing down it.

He was always charismatic, and not just when he spoke. It was in the way he carried himself, and how he entered rooms. He demanded attention, and then gave it in turn. And Nora realized that she may very well be the first person that had received this kind of attention from him. The way he stroked her hair, and laughed as he breathed more cheesy lines into her temple – it made her smile and set so many butterflies free in her stomach that she realized she was uncomfortable.

She just wasn’t used to this, and it terrified her. Perhaps she’d been wrong. Perhaps she was the one, still up on that cliff.

Hancock must have sensed that something was wrong, so he dropped his hand and used it to hold his weight as he sat, and simply looked at her, waiting. “I’m fine,” Nora said. “I guess I just have no clue what to do.” Hancock shrugged.

“Whatever feels right,” he said.

Lots of things felt right. Being here, alone with Hancock, felt right. So did trying Mentats to see how much she could explore her sexuality with him. But at what point would her actions be considered inappropriate? She was a product of her time – where a woman’s sexuality had been dictated by the government and that kind of molding was hard to break. It was a mentality, and she genuinely feared the social ramifications of being caught trying to break free from it, even if said ramifications didn't exist anymore. “It just feels wrong to like this,” she finally admitted. Hancock sighed, leaned back on his elbow, and Nora looked at his easy form. How one knee bent up, and how he twisted slightly at the waist to face her. One arm, draped over the hip to tap his fingers on his belly. “It shouldn’t feel wrong.”

“I get it,” Hancock said. “I’m not offended, if that’s what you’re worried about.” And Nora had been worried about that, but at least he sounded genuine. “What do you wanna do about it?”

“I want it to feel right.”

The hand that had been draped over his hip came to grab at one of hers, his fingers pressing against her palm and Nora felt her chest tighten. “Well,” he said, voice quiet, “I happen to be a master at letting loose and having a good time. You learn how to make the guilt work in your favor. Eventually, it stops being guilt. It starts being a definition of how much the world can go fuck itself if it doesn’t like you.” Nora smiled weakly. “I’m not saying we should go doing the dirty in Diamond City streets. Goodneighbor alleyway, maybe.” Nora tried to imagine the scene, and it made her heart pound so hard that she had to shove it out of her head. “But you don’t owe the world a goddamn bit of justification for what kind of woman you are, Nora.”

“God, I love you.”

And despite how Nora knew that she loved him, she regretted saying that. Hancock had expressed worry about moving too quickly the night before, and Nora wanted to respect that. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable. She knew that not everyone had the same beliefs about romance as she did. She figured that if you spent enough time with someone, you could admit to loving them before even starting a romantic relationship. But Hancock’s views may not be the same, she realized.

“You do, huh?” He sat up again, released her hand and brought it to her neck. “Love you too, babe.” And he kissed her. Nora was grateful that he didn’t try to shove his tongue down her throat. He was incredibly patient, and the gesture itself was softer than his lips. She’d kissed Nate plenty of times and knew how to do it, but Hancock had the grace and understanding that let him consider how kissing a ghoul for the first time, especially one that you’d only just started being romantically involved with, could be a bit off-putting. He didn’t chase her lips when she broke the kiss, and he stroked her cheek once before lowering his hand.

As they packed up their things, Nora considered what romance in the Commonwealth must be like for people now. Was it customary to not care about the social repercussions of admitting love too early? It wasn’t like people could go on many dates, like they used to. There weren’t any movies. The most people could do was go on a walk around tiny settlements, or hang out at bars. She finally came to the conclusion that yes, it was just part of cultural acceptance now to admit feelings however early on they came. No point in playing cat and mouse, right? There was no time for that anymore. Admit it and move on, because survival depended on it. Hancock, Nora realized, had only been concerned because he'd taken the culture she was a product of into consideration. Moving too fast certainly was a thing in her time, and he was aware of it. The sentiment deeply moved her, and she loved him even more for it.

It still amazed Nora that, despite having lived in this time for almost a year now, she was still learning about the customs. Culture shock didn’t go away quite as quickly as she used to think. Thank God, or whatever was up there watching her, that there were men like Hancock who were willing to ease her into it instead of demanding that she become a part of it right away. Something in Nora's gut told her that he'd wait a lifetime for her, and being a ghoul, he had a long life to live.

As they began their journey back to Sanctuary, Hancock began telling a story. Their pace remained slow, slower than normal, like they wanted to make the most of their time together. “When I first became mayor of Goodneighbor, there was this woman that came, looking for a safe place to lie low for a bit. Naturally, everyone else thought she was fishy. I did, too, but I wasn’t one to turn people away if they needed a place to live. I told her to stay, but if she caused any problems, I’d kick her out.” Nora nodded. It seemed like the reasonable, Hancock thing to do. “Everyone kept a real close eye on her, and it made her real uncomfortable. To the point where she felt like an outsider in a place that was supposed to welcome outsiders. One night, I heard the news – she’d overdosed on Buffout. No chance of saving her.”

“Jesus,” Nora said.

“I blamed myself,” Hancock said. “Should have done more to make her feel welcome.”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“I figured that out eventually. Had a long talk with the people of Goodneighbor. Told them that if we were gonna make people feel unwelcome, we may as well be like Diamond City. I never liked that way of life, you know. Claiming to be one thing, then being the other. But I also had to realize, Goodneighbor had its own problems. It was a paranoid place. I didn’t want it to be like Diamond City in certain ways, but the people were scared of the other stuff. The synths, namely. I had to think long and hard about the right balance. Finally, one day, I came up with the solution: Casting people out because we’re afraid sends the signal that the Institute wants to receive. We’re scared. I wasn’t gonna stand for that. I also wasn’t gonna stand for innocent people being caught outside with no protection. They didn’t like it at first, but I said our doors were staying open for whoever wanted to come in. If they caused problems, then I’d take care of it. But if something happened again – if another innocent girl came up dead because she didn’t belong even in Goodneighbor – there’d be hell to pay. People got the message.”

Nora grabbed onto Hancock’s arm, leaned against him. He didn’t pull away. “In my time, we were at war. You know that,” she said. “We were paranoid, too. It’s not really all that different. We had other nations to worry about. Now we have the Institute. Just like people don’t want to let refugees into their settlements, we didn’t want refugees in our country because we were afraid of terrorism. Eventually, we closed our borders.” Nora hesitated, then finally spoke again: “A week before the bombs fell, I’d made up my mind that being a paralegal didn’t matter anymore. I didn’t like what our country was turning into, so I was going to work on a case and bring it to the Supreme Court. I was going to demand that they consider closing our borders unconstitutional. We had no right, closing our borders to the people that we bombed on a daily basis. If we were going to terrorize them at home, the innocent ones needed a safe place to stay. I didn’t even get a chance to get started before we had to get to the vault. It’s much easier, now that people have small settlements to look after and not an entire country.”

“Always believed in small government,” Hancock said. “It’s what our Constitution was built off of.”

“In my day, ‘small government’ was just an excuse for state governments to be racist without federal intervention. These days, settlements are small enough that if you don’t agree with the laws of one, you’re guaranteed to find another that you can live in without complaint. And if you can’t, then you’re free to found your own.” Nora’s grip tightened around Hancock’s arm. “Makes me think that we’re getting a second chance. Also makes me wonder what kind of settlement Sanctuary is going to be.”

“For what it’s worth, I never met a better mayor.”

Nora liked the sound of that. She’d never considered herself a mayor at all, but Hancock was right. She was the leader of Sanctuary. Preston may help her with a lot of it, but for the most part, she made all the executive decisions. She took care of the economy, gave people jobs, and made sure they were safe. And pasts didn’t matter. Even the ghoul that had sold her husband on the vault had been welcomed – though Hancock hadn’t been too happy with losing a part of Goodneighbor’s population at first. “One of these days,” she said, “you and I will take over the Commonwealth and turn it into the kind of place America should be.”

“A-fuckin’-men, love.” Hancock inhaled deeply. “Politics really get to me.”

“On an emotional level?” Nora asked.

“On a sexual one.”

“You’re so weird.”

“I got a cute girl on my arm who thinks I’ve got what it takes to change the world. Pretty much anything’s gonna get me excited.” Nora rolled her eyes, but she thought moments like this were endearing. Hancock, it seemed, was genuinely happy right now. That was all she wanted. He may not outwardly say it, but he was actively trying to work with her on completing the parts of her that she said needed it. At the same time, she worked on trying to help him with the things he hinted at needing help with. “Lord knows why you chose me to hold onto, though. Wasn’t like I did a damn thing to deserve you.”

“Shut the fuck up, shitlord.”

And they laughed.


	6. On Misunderstandings and Raiders

When they returned to Sanctuary, everyone immediately knew something was up – save for Codsworth, of course, who hadn’t been programmed to understand subtle human behaviors, like little touches here and there. But Mama Murphy pulled Nora to the side and said, “It didn’t take the Sight for me to see what you were feeling for that man.”

“Well, you always were insightful without the chems,” Nora replied, looking over Mama Murphy’s shoulder to watch as Hancock laughed at something MacCready said. “You know that this doesn’t change anything, right? I’m not letting up on the chems.” The old woman sighed.

“I know,” she said. “I don’t get it, but I know.”

“What’s not to get?” Nora asked. “You could die. We’d miss you.”

“I spent my whole life using the Sight for other people. I think it’s all right for me to be selfish, at least once. Going on my own terms – that isn’t so bad, is it?” And before Nora could respond, Mama Murphy turned and left, giving the Commonwealth warrior a great deal to think about. Deciding it could wait until later, she went to catch up with Preston, who’d been standing off to the side.

When she met him, he regarded her with a stern stare, one that hinted total displeasure. “You never turn your radio on, do you?” he asked her. Nora felt ice run down her back. “A settlement’s been calling out for help for a long time. When I figured you didn’t get the message, I tried to get out there – but I was too late. Super mutants got the place. I barely got back here with the skin on my back.”

“Shit, Preston, I’m –”

“Meanwhile, you and Hancock were off having a little party in Goodneighbor.” The chill went to red hot anger, and perhaps a bit of shame. She couldn’t find the right words to say. Preston sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You’re the general now, Nora. You can’t be neglecting the people of the Commonwealth.”

“I’m not neglecting them.”

“That’s not how it looks where I stand. I promoted you. Don’t make me regret that decision, please.” Preston’s eyes darted over Nora’s shoulder, and he left. Not five minutes back in Sanctuary, and Nora had managed to piss two people off – and learned that she’d killed at least half a dozen others while she was gone, all because of negligence.

“The fuck crawled in his squirrel bits and took a shit?” Hancock asked from behind the woman.

“I’m going to go take a nap,” Nora said.

“Am I invited?”

Nora wanted to be alone, but she didn’t want to snub Hancock, either. The greeting she’d gotten had been a miserable ending to what she thought was going to be a glorious day. So with a heavy sigh, she shrugged. He got the hint and didn’t press the issue. Instead, he hung back with MacCready and tried to continue their conversation, though Nora could sense both pairs of eyes on her as she entered her home.

The chair she’d set up for Mama Murphy in her living room was currently abandoned. The woman really was mad at her, it seemed, though she wouldn’t outright say it. Nora thought back to the things Hancock had said. He’d mentioned having to find balance for his own settlement, but Sanctuary seemed far more divided than Goodneighbor ever was. Mama Murphy wanted the freedom to take chems, even if it meant dying. The rest of the settlement – Hancock aside – all thought that was a bad idea. They needed her and her Sight, but they also wanted her around. Nora shared that sentiment. Was it really selfish, making Mama Murphy hold on after all she’d been through?

Plus, she had to be around Sanctuary long enough to see it prosper, but somehow haul ass across the map to get to any settlement that might be in danger at any given point in time. She wasn’t a damned Synth; she couldn’t teleport. Preston’s demands bordered on outrageous sometimes, and it drove her insane.

Then, of course, there were Nora’s own demands. She wanted some alone time. She wanted a love life. She wanted to find her son. And once again, she was sacrificing everything to take care of others. Taking care of Shaun had been one thing. But all these other people? They were proving to be bigger babies than her own infant child – who probably wasn’t an infant anymore, but the sentiment still stood. Nora huffed in annoyance and wished she had a door to slam as she fell pitifully on her bed. Something hot and wet met her calf, and she turned to see Dogmeat. Her friend didn’t even wait before climbing into bed with her, curling up into a ball next to her left arm.

“At least you don’t ask too much. Food every now and then, and some play time. I can manage that.” She scratched Dogmeat behind the ears, and he sighed. Heaven for a dog. “The fuck am I doing wrong, boy?” He blinked at her, ears twitching as he listened. She lie like that for countless minutes, stroking Dogmeat’s ears until he fell asleep. His limbs twitched. Dreams of running. Nate used to like running. Used to jog several times around the neighborhood, for at least an hour, before he returned home, a panting and sweating mess. He’d ignore Nora and go right to the shower, then proceed to ignore her after while he read the paper. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her. He just didn’t stop to think that she might want to talk about her day ahead, or the dreams she’d had.

“Hancock’s the opposite of that,” Nora said.

Because he listened. And instead of assuming she had a problem she wanted to fix, he asked her if that was the case. Then asked her what the ideal outcome would be. Offered his help. Let her determine if she wanted it or not. Nora was the exact opposite. She assumed everyone wanted her to fix their problems, whether they vocalized it or not. That was the kind of woman Nora was. A fixer. She stressed herself out with it, taking on so many problems at once. And sure, it was this fixer’s attitude that prompted her to throw Hancock’s party, his potential reaction be damned. But he didn’t seem to hate her for it. He’d had a genuinely good time, and he didn’t chastise her for not thinking. He didn’t tell her that she’d done something wrong. He just told her that there were repercussions for it, and left it at that.

The repercussions, of course, being that he might not be as appreciative in the future. And Nora figured that she’d have to deal with that.

He’d been through an entire life, and had many more lives to live now that he could count hundreds of years without feeling the age in the process. He was already the wisest person she’d ever met, even if at the expense of his own self-esteem. And yet, she knew that his wisdom would only continue to grow with more experience. Nora looked forward to learning more from him. She believed relationships were essential like that. You got to know people because those people could teach you things. She never got that with Nate. What could she have possibly learned from him? How to shoot a gun? No thanks. She learned that on her own. But being patient, and analyzing every situation to find the perfect amount of balance? The right time to speak and act? Moderation in vices and acceptance of self-sin?

Hancock. All John Hancock.

And that wasn’t all she wanted to learn, either. She knew about his brother being the mayor of Diamond City. She knew about the bad blood between them. She worried, because she heard the rumors. Hancock did, too. About his brother being a synth. Hancock didn’t want to believe it, but Nora did. It made so much sense – why he would deny that the Institute was such a real threat, especially to the inhabitants of Diamond City. Sure, it was a conspiracy theory, but was it really that much of a stretch?

“I think I’ve been hanging out with Piper too much,” Nora mumbled, and the sound stirred Dogmeat awake. It wasn’t long before he went back to sleep, and Nora’s eyes shut, as well. She’d handle her problems when she woke up.

She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out. The sun was still high up and bright, so no more than fifteen minutes. And it took her a moment to recognize the cause of her waking up was shouting and gunfire. She sprung out of bed, grabbed the rifle that she kept leaning up against the wall, and launched herself outside. It was a small band of raiders. MacCready and Nick seemed ready to handle them, but Nora quickly realized that the size of the intruders had been grossly underestimated. They’d been watching Sanctuary for a long time, apparently, and learned the spots that weren’t strong with defense. Several more raiders swam across the river to sneak up behind the settlement, where Nora remained the only person to defend it. “More over here!” she called out, firing a shot into raider skull.

She was just about outnumbered when Hancock came to help out, a cut on the side of his face and a nasty snarl on his lips. “Fucking assholes,” he hissed.

It occurred to Nora that he’d managed to pick up a minigun from one of the raiders, and she almost laughed in shock as he mowed the remainder down. Bullets from the minigun echoed in the settlement until he ran out of ammo, and everything went silent. They all waited, making sure that no one else was coming. Nora looked up at Hancock, who looked back down at her. “Thank you,” she said. He carefully set the gun down. “I’m sorry. I guess I woke up too late. I only managed to get one.”

“That could have been the one no one else got,” Hancock said, and Nora sighed in relief.

“Nora.”

The woman turned, watching as Preston approached. He carried his gun over his shoulder, eyes scanning the perimeter like he was ready for another attack at any point in time. “What is it, Preston?” Hancock folded his arms across his chest, hearing something in Nora’s question that suggested she wasn’t too happy with present company. But she didn’t need him to fight this battle. She was already on edge.

“I’ve been telling you for weeks that we need more defense systems around the area,” he said. “This is what happens if you don’t do it.”

“You’ve been here,” Nora said. “You could have put them up. Don’t give me that shit.” Preston frowned. “You have me running around like a chicken without a head. ‘Nora, there’s a settlement that needs our help.’ ‘Nora, build this.’ ‘Nora, you can’t sleep yet because we need that.’ I’m going to tell you this once, Preston, and once only – I can handle Sanctuary, or I can handle the errands. I’m not Wonder Woman. You want the extra shit done, do it your own damn self. You have two fucking arms.” She stormed past him, mumbling, “Fucking ungrateful,” just loud enough to hear. Preston didn’t pursue her, but Hancock did. He followed her into her home. She turned to him. “Can you believe that shit?” she asked. No door. Undoubtedly the whole settlement heard her. “I’m busting my ass, John, and people act like it’s not good enough. What, is there a sign on my goddamn forehead that says, ‘Take advantage of me’? Is that the price of caring too much?”

“These days?” Hancock shrugged. “It ain’t fair, but yeah, it is.”

“Then I’m done.” Nora threw her hands up. “I’m done giving a shit. I’m not going to be taken for granted. I lived enough of that in my life. I’m done.”

“Balance, Nora,” Hancock said. “And boundaries. What you did just now was the first step.” She sank into Mama Murphy’s chair, face in hands. “You know,” he continued, “we actually got a surplus of water here now.”

“So?” Nora asked, voice muffled by her palms.

“So, you could take a bath without us missing anything. Garvey’s probably off sulkin’ somewhere, the pitiful bastard he is. He comes across too strong, yeah, but he ain’t a bad guy.” Nora didn’t want to admit it, but the undertones of Hancock’s words were right: Preston never meant to upset her. He was stressed out too. For far too long, he’d also felt the weight of the world on his shoulders, and now that they had some reprieve, he didn’t exactly know what to do with it. He knew things needed to be done, but maybe he was so overwhelmed with trying to keep track of it all that he was having a hard time figuring it out, as well.

“Do me a favor, John?”

“What’s that, love?”

“Get Preston out of whatever self-pitying hole he dug himself into and let everyone know I want to have a meeting in an hour. I think I’m going to take a page out of your book.”

“I’m honored.” He stroked her hair, kissed the top of her head, and left.


	7. On Boundaries and Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but suck it the fuck up, Webster.
> 
> Raise your hand if you also think you're witty and laugh at your own jokes.

After Nora’s bath, she walked out of her home to see the entirety of Sanctuary gathered in the cul-de-sac. Mama Murphy had brought out a light chair to sit on. Nora stood before them, arms folded over her chest. She wished Hancock were standing next to her, but he stood with the others, watching her expectantly. “We need to go over a few things,” Nora said. She watched everyone’s faces. Most looked down in shame, like they were preparing for a verbal beat down. Preston seemed like he was already on the defensive. “I know I haven’t been here for you. And for that, I’m sorry.” His chin tilted up, analyzing her apology. “But you have to understand, I’m still learning. I wasn’t born into this. I wasn’t eased into the change. I was thrown into it, with no welcome pamphlet and no idea of what the hell I had to do to survive. Everything up to this point has been the result of luck and determination. We’re all flying by the seat of our pants, here, but you’ve got the advantage of knowing what could possibly be lurking in the shadows. All I see is darkness. If you want me to be an effective leader, you’ve got to give me time to learn. You can’t shove everything at me at once and expect it to get done. Are we clear on that?”

Unanimous nods. Even Preston agreed, and his posture softened. Nora looked at Hancock, and his lips twitched into an encouraging smile.

“Secondly,” she said, “I want to talk about Mama Murphy.” Ah, that understanding from Preston didn’t last long. “We need help, and she’s offered to give it.”

“Nora –”

“I’ll hear anything you have to say when I’m done, Preston. You promoted me to a rank above yours, and while this is a democracy, you don’t have the privilege of interrupting me. I’ve had enough of that in my life.” He closed his mouth, brow lowered in a glare. “I’m tired of trying to do everything on my own, without knowing what needs to be done. Yes, Preston, you help tremendously. But I need to find my son, too. He’s still out there somewhere, and because I’ve got no leads, I’ve been neglecting him. I’ve put my life on hold, not knowing if he’s dead or alive, because you need me. Maybe I should give up hope and just settle down here, assume the role of the dedicated leader, and get comfortable with life. But I was told that no one in power should stay comfortable for too long, and I have to agree. I’m one woman. And I can’t do it all alone, and take care of myself at the same time. So from this point onward, I’m delegating jobs.

“Preston, I want you to take care of internal affairs. Keep on top of what needs to be done as far as defenses go, and make sure that it gets done. If I’m here, I’ll help. If I’m not, take care of it yourself, and assign other people to help you out. Sturges can take care of a lot of it.”

“Sure can, Ma’am,” Sturges piped up.

“Nick, whenever you’re not in Diamond City and find the time to swing by, I want you to make sure that every new person here has what they need. Get them acquainted with the place and tend to any needs they have. Mama Murphy will share this responsibility. And on that note, Mama Murphy.” The old woman watched Nora patiently, face impossible to read. “We will only use your Sight if we’re desperate. I can’t keep saying no to you. I realize that. It’s your life, and you need to have control over it. But if you want to help us, please understand that we love you and we want you around. I need to find the right balance here, and I have to plan how often we use your Sight very carefully.”

“Thank you,” Mama Murphy said.

Nora took this moment to analyze the group. Mama Murphy and Hancock seemed impossibly relieved. The others had mixed reactions, and none of them were positive. Nick and Preston very clearly disapproved of Nora’s decision to cater to Mama Murphy’s wishes, and the others seemed saddened by a potential loss. “That’s a long way to go, still,” Nora reassured them all. “But if we love Mama Murphy, we’ll do everything to keep her comfortable, and make sure she’s got the highest quality of life. On her terms. Can we all agree to that?” Nods. “Preston?”

“Yes, General.”

He was angrier than Nora could have anticipated, but it made sense.

“Everyone else, speak to me if you need a job. If I’m not here, ask Preston. I don’t care if it’s working on repairs or promoting the safety of Sanctuary. Everyone needs to be working if you’re able. That’s all. Preston, I want to talk to you, alone.” Everyone else fell back. Hancock helped Mama Murphy take the chair back to one of the houses, and Nora watched as she began speaking to the man. She couldn’t make out what they were saying, but Hancock smiled. She turned her attention back to Preston. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.” He didn’t respond. “You’re the best friend I’ve got.”

“Really.”

“Yes. Hancock is – well. I’m sure you know.”

“No, I don’t.”

“I love him.”

Preston blinked once. Twice. Posture softened. “His birthday was two days ago. He’s been through hell and back. I wanted him to forget about it for a night.”

Silence. Nora saw, from the corner of her eye, settlers watching them as they passed, nervous that another argument would break out. Finally, Preston spoke up. “I shouldn’t be burdening you with every single settlement affair,” he finally said. “I’ll ease up on that and do the job you gave me.” He seemed ready to leave it at that, but thinking again, he added, “I can live with and support the rest, but I’m not happy about your decision to supply Mama Murphy with chems.”

“I’m not, either.”

“So why?” he asked.

“Because telling her that she can’t make her own decisions is ripping her freedom away from her, Preston. If we’re going to protect the Commonwealth, we have to protect every ounce of it. That includes individual freedom.” Preston heaved a great sigh. Suddenly, he seemed far more tired than Nora had ever seen him before. “She knows what’s best for her. She knows what’s best for us. Better than any of us do. And if she’s willing to die for it, how does that make her any different from us? Is it the chems?”

“Is it?” Preston asked.

“What’s that mean?”

“Exactly what it sounds like.”

Nora frowned, her hands balling into fists. “John has nothing to do with my decision except the fact that he nurtured the most caring aspect of me that allowed me to make the choice that provided each and every person within Sanctuary the ability to do what’s right for themselves. Don’t you dare question the validity of my decisions because the man I love is involved with a hobby that has nothing to do with you except the fact that you don’t like it.” All this said in one breath, and for some reason, it didn’t make her feel any better. The undeniable anger at Preston Garvey only continued to grow, and her chest tightened.

“Maybe there are men out there who could provide you with all that support without having to drag you down with them,” Preston replied.

Nora felt her vision go blurry. Anger, and not an ounce of regret. “I picked the right one,” she said. “Because your definition of support is seriously lacking, Webster.” Nora stomped back to her house, turning around only once to add, “And don’t pretend you’re not jealous. I’m young, but I’m not stupid. I know when a man’s angry just because he didn’t have the courage to make a move before someone else did. But news flash, Preston – I was the one who said something first. So kindly push your feelings out of the way and do your goddamn job like the rest of us.”

And with that, she was back in her home, hearing MacCready’s voice in the distance: “Wow, Webster, you really dug your own grave that time. You got a cigarette?”

Dogmeat must have sensed that something was wrong, because he avoided Nora for the next hour or so. In fact, she remained completely alone, sitting on her bed, watching Sanctuary from her window until the sun set. It was only then that someone entered her room. “They’ll get used to it.” Nora turned to look at Hancock, shrugging.

“I know,” she said. “It’s just draining.”

“Hell yeah it is. Standing up for yourself and doing the right thing – two of the hardest things you’ll ever do in your life. And you just did both in one day.” He sat down behind her, wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his chest. “Kinda sexy.” Nora laughed, despite her sour mood.

“Impeccable timing to decide to flirt,” she said.

“What can I say? I’m a man of many talents.” He kissed the top of her head. “You did great, love.”

“I don’t feel like it,” she said. “I feel like I just ruined a friendship.”

“Hey, if a man can’t set aside his emotions for the sake of being happy for the woman he had a thing for, he ain’t much of a man, is he?” Nora shrugged again.

“Preston’s a good man,” she said, mimicking Hancock’s own words. “What set me off, I think, if that he honestly thought you influenced me in a negative way. Like I’m incapable of deciding for myself what a bad idea is.”

“To be fair,” Hancock started, and Nora groaned, fully prepared for him to take Preston’s side, “it takes everyone an outside perspective to know whether an idea is bad sometimes. But if you want my opinion, you did the right thing.”

“That’s just your opinion.”

“Nah. Asked around. Damn near everyone agrees with you, even Nicky. He says he doesn’t like it, but that doesn’t mean that he thinks it’s wrong in the grand scheme of things.” Nora relaxed.

“Nick said that?”

“Bet your ass he did.”

“I’m not sure I want to wager my ass.”

“Now that I think about it, I’m not so sure either. It’s a nice ass. Round. Not too firm. How do you do all that running without getting a rock-butt?”

“I inject Blamco every night,” Nora replied.

“So that’s where my syringes go.”

“I’m an addict, John. Please help.” He chuckled, and helped Nora turn so that she could face him. “Thanks. For everything.”

“We’ve all been through rough times, love,” Hancock replied. “Woman like you recognizes that and lets other people slide. But you find it hard to see when you look in the mirror. That’s what I’m here for.”

“To tell me how tired I look?” Nora asked, raising an eyebrow.

“To tell you the bags under your eyes are a sign that compassion overwhelms you and I still don’t think I did much of anything to deserve something as good as this in my life.”


	8. On Sight and Embraces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I totally didn't forget to add a chapter title what are you saying? It's always been "On Sight and Embraces" no it's never been the generic "Chapter 8" quit spreading lies that's r u d e.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no clue how hard it is to write dirty talk when my cat is busy farting in my face. Like damn, cat, can't you let a woman write in peace without some stank? Jesus.

Over the course of the next few days, Preston actively avoided Nora, only speaking to her when something needed to be done. Everything remained quiet. As instructed, people came to Nora to ask what work they could do, and she would tell them – repair houses, make sure defenses were up to date, and assist Preston and Sturges. With harvest coming up in a few weeks, she wanted to get as much work around Sanctuary done as possible before they had to take care of the crops. The time never came to get Mama Murphy any chems, but she always insisted that Nora didn’t need to worry about it anymore. “I know you won’t go back on your word,” she said. “Whenever you need my help, I’ll be here. Until then, I’ll make the most of my time.”

“Tell that to Preston,” Nora replied. Mama Murphy sighed.

“A tragic man with a tragic heart,” she agreed. “I’ve seen it for a while. I’ve also seen that it would have ended poorly. You’re a woman who likes her independence, like me. John is a great man, Nora. I see great things for you in the future – but if you want specifics …”

“Jet?” Nora asked. Mama Murphy smiled. “I like the surprise. I’ll save the chems for when we need it.”

“Thought for sure it would work,” Mama Murphy said, and the two women shared a laugh. “Oh, Nora,” she said, laughter fading away to deep breaths as she tried to keep from getting the hiccups, “the past follows you wherever you go. It wasn’t easy being a woman back then, and even now you have to fight because of it.”

“It’s better, though,” Nora said, gazing out the window to watch Sanctuary.

“Oh, it is,” Mama Murphy agreed with an enthusiastic nod. “But better doesn’t always mean acceptable. It just means less obstacles.”

“You’re unnerving. You know that?”

“So I hear.” Mama Murphy relaxed in her chair. “If you ever want some alone time with your beau, just tell me. I’ll rush on out of here.”

“That’s a little intimate of a discussion, Mama Murphy, but we’re taking it slow.”

“There’s no such thing anymore, but you’ve figured that out by now. Don’t hold back for anyone’s benefit but your own.” Mama Murphy gave a sly smile, and Nora tried not to read too much into it. “I’m old now, but when I was young, I drove the men wild.”

“Wow, okay, Mama Murphy, that’s – that’s great.”

“Oh, you still picture it when I’m old.”

“I’m not picturing it. I’m doing the exact opposite. I’m thinking of Abraham Lincoln.”

“I was gorgeous, you know. Long legs, beautiful hair, and a winning smile. I didn’t mind the stares, but if anyone touched, oh, you best believe I’d take a hand off for it.” Despite herself, Nora smiled. Better, but not acceptable. “You better not wait too long, or else I might steal him.”

“You can’t steal him.”

“I still got it.”

Nora laughed. “There’s no such thing as waiting too long, you know,” she said. Mama Murphy’s smile turned from playful to kind.

“You wouldn’t want a man who didn’t agree with that statement,” she said. “It’s a good thing John is graced with endless patience. And he loves you deeper than you could imagine. Has for a while now.”

“Really?” Nora asked.

“Years and years ago, I was on a wild trip. So many chems, and I saw a vision. In it, a man stood over his people and admired his empire, but nothing eased the loneliness he felt inside until a beautiful woman with a heart of gold came along. She convinced him that the world was grander than what he’d seen, and he wondered how that could be, because he’d seen it all. But when she was near, he saw new colors and found himself breathing air he never knew could be so fresh. Oh, Nora, it was beautiful and it made my heart ache.” Mama Murphy closed her eyes, as if she could still see her vision now. “When I saw you bring him to Sanctuary, I knew then what that vision was about.”

Nora sat down on the ruined coffee table, brow furrowed. “You saw that?” she asked, and Mama Murphy nodded. Nora wished that she could have seen it too. It sounded like something straight out of a fairy tale. “It seems like such an insignificant thing to see. People fall in love all the time.”

“Yes, and it’s hardly insignificant to them. I’ve had visions like that before and never encountered who they were about, but I rest easy in knowing that they found each other eventually. This time, I’m grateful I got to see the day that two halves of love found each other.” Mama Murphy leaned back in her chair. “It’s been nice talking, but I’m tired.”

“Rest well, Mama Murphy.” Nora leaned forward and kissed the woman’s cheek before heading out of her home.

In the past few days, Sanctuary had become overly prosperous. Not a single person lazed around, waiting for a job to be delegated to them. Nora knew it wouldn’t last. She’d have to persevere to see any real, long-lasting changes. But for now, people seemed to be working dutifully. She even had to remind some that it was okay to take a break if they got too tired. She’d just told a new settler to sit down and have something to eat when Hancock wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back toward him. “Rad storm tonight,” he said.

“Feel it in your balls?” asked Nora.

“You bet.” He kissed her temple.

“I could use a distraction, then,” she said. He hummed.

“You sure you’re ready for that?”

“I’m tired of edging the cliff. Besides, it’s not my reputation I’m worried about right now.” Nora spun until she faced Hancock, and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. Showing obvious affection like this, out in the open where others could see, was new to her. But after the events that transpired a few days ago, she was realizing that she had the same liberties as everyone else. MacCready had taken to openly flirting with one of the settlers, a handsome man by the name of Gerald, who had no problem returning the sentiment.

Which was good. Gerald was a single father, too. MacCready needed someone in life who understood. And while Nora certainly did understand, he'd never made a pass at her - nor was she interested.

But that aside, Nora realized that when she watched them flirting, exchanged touches and having a good time, she didn’t judge them. She felt genuinely happy for them. And what mattered more, was that she realized that others looked at her the same way she looked at them. After all, why would she be the exception? If she was happy for others, shouldn’t she consider that the normal response?

“My main priority,” she said, voice lowering, “is making sure my partner knows how to make me scream loud enough that Preston finally gets the picture.”

“Oh.” Hancock cut the syllable short and stood quite still. Nora’s brow furrowed, concerned. She figured that in her attempts to be daring, she said something wrong. “Sorry,” he said. “Thought it was gas, but no. I’m hard.”

“Your erection is in your stomach?” Nora asked, laughing.

“What, like you’ve never been so turned on you felt it in your gut?” Nora gave him the most disbelieving stare possible, and he returned it. “Really? Feels like gas.”

“Shut the fuck up.”

It was Hancock’s turn to lower his voice. He moved his lips to her ear, and Nora felt a chill go down her spine. “You said you thought about it for months, but you haven’t thought about all of it, have you?” Another chill. She closed her eyes and listened to his voice. Listened to the way his breath hitched as he prepared to speak again. It made her lips part. “Haven’t thought about what I’d do if I got you underneath me?”

“John –”

“Yeah, baby, you’ll be saying my name,” he said, loud enough only for her to hear. Oh, she felt it now. It wasn’t a bubble – she figured that part of what he said was a joke – but she definitely felt it in her belly. Nate had never done this to her before. Something about the rumble in Hancock’s throat whenever he spoke really got to her. She’d always admired his voice before, but this was outright ridiculous, the kind of effect it had on her now. “You thought about it for months, and I’ve had it on my mind the moment you walked into Goodneighbor.”

“No you didn’t,” she giggled. He chuckled into her ear, cutting her laughter short as a pleasant flush crept over her face.

“I did,” he said. “Thought about getting you on my desk, legs spread so I could get my tongue on your thighs.” Nora’s eyes opened, a stupid grin on her face, and she saw Sturges standing behind Hancock, wrench in hand.

“Jesus!” she cried out, pushing Hancock away. He stumbled back, followed her gaze, and his own grin followed. Amusement.

“Sorry,” Sturges said. “I, uh. You know.”

“Enjoyed the show?” Hancock asked. “Get off on people hugging? Dirty.” He winked.

“I had a question, but uh – door. Doors, I mean. Plural. Places need doors. Right? Nora?”

“Doors are good,” Nora replied.

“I’ll start with yours. High priority. Reasons.” He was about to walk off, but then – “I don’t, by the way. Get off on people hugging. That’s … absurd.”

“Oh, right, you like tinkering with things. That’s your hobby,” Hancock said, as if he’d forgotten the most obvious thing on the planet. Sturges’s brow furrowed, confused. “I’ll send Valentine your way then. Lord knows he needs to let off a bit of steam.”

“You want a door or not?”

“A door would be wonderful, Sturges, thank you.” Nora smacked Hancock’s shoulder as he made a lewd thrusting gesture with his hips, then dismissed Sturges so that he didn’t have to endure any more mocking. “What’s wrong with you?” she asked, turning to face her lover. “Don’t tease people.”

“Felt it then, didn’t you?” Hancock asked, winking before he walked off.

That door couldn’t come fast enough, Nora decided.


	9. On Mentats and Letting Loose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smutty chapter. Smutty chapter bad. Me no write good smut. Social experiment. Yes. You are my study gerbils. Endure the poorly written smut torture for my benefit.

Nora opened and closed the door, over and over again. It had been far too long since she was able to get any privacy here in Sanctuary, and she was grateful that she finally got the opportunity. “Remind me to buy Sturges dinner one of these days,” she said over her shoulder to Hancock. She closed the door one last time to look at him, observed the way he leaned so easily against the wall with a tin box in one hand and the other on his hip. He shook the tin at her. It rattled, dozens of tiny pieces inside making ridiculously loud noises. “Mentats?” Nora asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“You said you were curious.”

Nora bit her lip, analyzing the situation. She liked the idea of being sober the first time she had sex with Hancock, but on the other hand, part of her figured it didn’t matter. As long as she felt good, what was the point of building it up? As she’d said, she was tired of the cliff. She wanted to jump right off, already. Feel the waters against her skin and experience it in a way she never had before. And here Hancock was, offering her multiple solutions at the same time. The idea of trying them all was too enticing to pass up. He must have taken her silence as rejection, however. “If you want to wait, we can,” Hancock said. “They’re not going anywhere.”

“Except your mouth,” Nora argued. “Give me one.” She reached for the tin, and he held it back.

“Gotta explain some things, first,” he said. “Safety stuff. Thing about Mentats is you don’t feel the effects immediately. Since you take it orally, it takes some time.” Nora nodded and reached again. He still didn’t hand them to her. “This means you take one.”

“I’m not a moron, John.”

“Hell, you’ve seen me pop three at a time. Don’t want to be the example that leads to an overdose.” He finally handed her the tin, and she opened it up. Orange. Must have been his favorite, given that there wasn’t a variety in them. “Chew it, and swallow.” Nora hesitated one final time before following the instructions. She handed the tin back to Hancock. The orange flavor proved way too overwhelming, and it burst in her mouth the same way liquid ibuprofen did when she was a kid. She didn’t like it, but she figured the flavor had been added to make it a little more tolerable. “Takes some getting used to,” Hancock said, after watching her face screw up in displeasure. “You’re gonna want to sit down for the next five minutes.”

So they went back to the bedroom, where Sturges kindly boarded up the window for more privacy. “Just a temporary solution,” he’d reassured Nora. “I’ll figure something out later.” She was grateful for that, at least, and sat down on the bed with Hancock next to her. She closed her eyes, waiting nervously for the chem to hit. In the meantime, Hancock brushed hair away from her shoulder, and his mouth found her neck.

“Just tell me if I go too fast,” he mumbled, but Nora could only moan at his teeth scraping against skin. Too fast? When did too fast begin, and when did it end? When she told Hancock that she loved him, or when she practically jumped into bed with him days after? Nora had been well aware of other women’s habits in her time, and how quickly they moved with men they liked. They’d been ostracized for it then, but now society viewed women who moved quickly as people. Just people. Not easy, not slutty. Just people. No, this wasn’t too fast. This was just right. How long had it been since she had sex last? Over two hundred years, sure, but not counting the time she was in the vault?

Since she’d conceived Shaun. It’s been that long. And before then, she’d only been with Nate a handful of times. Nora wasn’t exactly the most experienced of women, and Nate had been her first. She’d been with him, what, five times? Maximum?

That explained her skin feeling like fire whenever Hancock touched her. And while there was still a deeply ingrained part of her that felt it was wrong, something in the back of her mind pushed forward, and it screamed at her that this was a damned good thing. It wasn’t long before she had her head to the side, hand brushing against Hancock’s face. “I like that,” she said.

“I can tell,” he replied. “Most people do.” Nora giggled. “You feelin’ it?”

“The Mentat?”

“Should be feeling nice and loose right about now,” he explained. “Like the world belongs to you and it’s opening up for your curiosity.” Nora hummed in confirmation, and Hancock’s breath hitched. His hand moved to her waist, grip a little too tight, and she hissed. “Sorry,” he mumbled, lips still pressed against her neck. “Nothing gets me going like a beautiful woman taking chems for the first time.”

“It won’t always be the first time,” Nora said.

“Then it’ll be, ‘nothing gets me going like my girlfriend trusting me enough to let loose and have a good time’.”

“This really turns you on?”

“Oh, yeah.” Hancock breathed into her ear again, and Nora climbed into his lap. The Mentat helped with that decision. He was right. They really did make her feel loose and easy. She shook hair off her shoulders.

“Want to pass me some Jet, then?” she asked, grinning.

“Easy, love. Don’t want to get too eager.” Contradicting his statement, he kissed her, and it wasn’t like those slow, careful kisses he’d shared with her before. It was all tongue, teeth, and desperation, and Nora was beginning to realize just how much her taking a single chem really had an effect on him. That, coupled with their first time together, was making him come undone fast, and Nora decided that she wasn’t above taking advantage of it. She broke the kiss, and Hancock tried to occupy his mouth by nipping at her collarbone.

Nora held her head back, giving him access to her throat. He eagerly accepted, tongue drawing circles on her flesh. “It feels good,” she breathed. He bit down gently. It made her back arch. “I feel it everywhere.” Hancock’s breath hitched again, and his fingers twitched around her waist. Toes in the water, Nora realized just what exactly she’d been missing. Through her sheltered, privileged adolescence, all the way to her superficial marriage with Nate – her life had been dull and lacking, and it never opened up the endless possibilities she had no idea she wanted to explore until she met Hancock. These past few days have been hugely successful for her, and even if she’d lost a friendship over it, she felt courageous. Wild. Daring. And while the chems helped, she didn’t need them to know what kind of fun those new traits of hers would lead to. Perhaps it was the chems, or maybe it was the company – but Nora wished that she would feel this way forever. Liberated, totally free, alone with her favorite person in the world and closer to another person than she’d ever been before.

If she died now, she’d never be happy, because there were too many things left for her to experience.

“You should take one, too,” she encouraged, and Hancock leaned back just enough to look at her. She tapped his hat off his head and leaned her forehead against his, grinning until her nose scrunched up and the corners of her eyes crinkled. “A Mentat, I mean. I want to feel this with you.”

“Babe, I’m already there. Snuck one in while you were playing with the door. Got a hit of Jet in, too.”

“You’re so bad,” Nora teased. Hancock snapped his jaw playfully at her, and she laughed – openly, freely, happy.

“The baddest,” he agreed.

Arm wrapped firmly around her waist, Hancock hoisted his lover up and spun her, lowering her until her back hit the mattress. Nora marveled at his strength, remembering suddenly that irradiation came with remarkable mutation. A sudden evolution, really. A creation of a new species – the ghoul, with his enhanced strength and his affinity for identifying radiation storms. Thunder and green skies overhead, and Nora couldn’t care less. Here she was, her own storm brewing in her body, and all she wanted was to let it rain.

Hancock helped lift her sundress over her head, tossing it to the side so that it fell, half on the mattress before it slid to the floor. Her undergarments came next, and she didn’t care that she lie before him, stark naked and cold in the autumn air. She reached up to him, fingers grasping at his coat, but he took the time to worship her. Nora understood the lack of confidence. Everyone knew that Hancock had experience. He may not have been the type to engage in relationships before Nora, but it was no secret that he slept around to ease some of his troubles. Sex released chemicals in the brain. Made you feel good. It was just another kind of high. Like running, or eating lots and lots of chocolate.

But here he was, with the woman he said he loved, and Nora figured that he might be reluctant for her to see him naked. She pouted, said she wanted to see him, and he scoffed. “Why?” he asked. “I can make you feel just as good like this.” And suddenly, she became aware that he may have been the type to wear most of his clothes during sex, even during one night stands. So she decided to be the example that set him over the edge.

Nora stretched her body out, hips wiggling into the mattress and arms high above her head. One knee bent before her calf wrapped around his waist, and she arched her neck to show the length of her throat before she relaxed. “Because,” she said, “it feels free.”

“Did I just create a nudist?” Hancock asked. “Wouldn’t be the first time Mentats made people take their clothes off and run around naked.”

“Take the stupid jacket off, John, before I rip your arm off.”

“Goddamn, baby. How’d you know I’m into dismemberment?” With a wicked grin, he obeyed. The coat came off, and Nora found herself amazed by just how much of his bulk seemed to disappear with it. It wasn’t uncommon for ghouls to lose a majority of their muscle mass, but the way Hancock was built, it was as if he didn’t have much of it to begin with. It only put into perspective how strong he really was, given that his body indicated otherwise. She remembered the rumors she’d heard in Goodneighbor – that Hancock had been dangerous even before turning ghoul. Deadly, even, and Nora wished she could have seen it.

But there was a certain charm to having never seen him with smooth skin. And on that note, Nora realized that Hancock’s initial assessment of her those few days ago may have been accurate. Maybe she did have a ghoul fetish. The idea made her laugh, and Hancock stopped unbuttoning her shirt to gaze at her inquisitively. “No,” Nora said, hand covering her mouth. “Not you. You’re incredibly attractive.” He still lowered his hands, suddenly hesitant. “I’m serious, John. I just realized – I’ve got a kink I never even realized. Oh my God.”

“Really?” Hancock asked, exhibiting one of his famous shifts in moods. He loomed over her like a predator about to catch its prey, and she nodded. Eyes wide, she propped herself up on her elbows.

“Wanna know a secret?” she asked, hushed voice. He grinned back at her. “I used to have these fantasies about you.”

“Scandalous,” Hancock teased.

“But the hottest thing about them was what other people would think, finding out I was fucking a ghoul.” Nora stifled her laughter, forehead pressing against his shoulder. Her laughter prompted him to join in, because when she was having such a good time, why shouldn’t he? “Isn’t that weird?”

“Wanna know my honest take on it?” Hancock asked. Nora nodded and settled back down into the mattress. “You’ve been oppressed by society for so long, you get off on doing the shit they don’t want you to do. And I gotta say, love, I’m right there with you.”

“You get off on fucking ghouls too?” asked Nora.

“Nah. I get off on grossing people out because they can’t stand the idea that I still got functioning balls.” Nora laughed. “And I won’t lie. There’s something extra spicy hot about the thrill of having something The Man says you can’t.”

“We should do some role playing. I’ll be the student. You be the teacher.”

“How about I be John Hancock, the charming dare devil patriot, and you be Nora, the badass who cleans up the Commonwealth?”

“Your creativity turns me on.”

“Glad to help, babe.”

Their banter faded there, and Nora found herself conflicted with which emotion to feel more. Arousal as she watched Hancock disrobe, or relief that she knew she could speak honestly with him about what she wanted. Once he was entirely nude, Nora pulled him back down and kissed him, taking the time to explore his body with her hands. The various dips and curves of his rough skin as it rubbed against her belly and fingertips made her moan. She arched into him, and he pressed down harder. He asked if she’d ever “been eaten out,” as he so eloquently put it. Nora revealed that she hadn’t, and he grinned as he slid down her body until he had his head between her thighs.

Nora had her suspicions that Hancock had a particularly gifted tongue. She’d seen it in the way he swirled a Mentat in his mouth, or shifted a cigarette from one corner of his lips to the other. In the way he would tsk in disapproval at his foes, and how easily he could speak without a single stutter. She wasn’t disappointed. Hancock’s tongue worked expertly at her clit, making her hips roll and her back arch. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, so she tried to occupy them in whatever way possible – digging into the mattress, resting them on Hancock’s head, and gripping her own hair. A powerful wave rushed over her, and with a nothing but a loud gasp and exclamation of Hancock’s name to warn him, she came. He licked at her easily, tasting every little bit she had to offer until she twitched underneath his tongue. He wiped his mouth with the back of her hand and sat up on his knees. Nora saw that he was well-endowed, but unsurprisingly, every inch of him had been affected by radiation.

Nora shuddered at the anticipation of feeling him inside of her.

“Ever taste yourself?” he asked.

“No,” Nora replied.

“Wanna?” he asked.

And Nora figured, why the hell not? Experience it all, right? That’s what she wanted to do. So she propped herself up again and kissed him, and while she wasn’t too enamored with her own taste, Hancock seemed to really enjoy that she was giving it a shot. “Want me to return the favor?” Nora asked, and had placed a hand on his chest to encourage him to roll over and lie back before he shook his head.

“Tonight’s about you, babe. Maybe next time.” And she was grateful for that, because Nate had never given her the opportunity to practice. Maybe she would have killed the mood. So Nora leaned back again, arms wrapping around Hancock’s body as he kissed her once more.

“Wait,” Nora said suddenly, and she sat up. Hancock gave her that same questioning look. “What about … you know. Safety?” The confusion didn’t fade until a few moments had passed.

“Well, I mean. I got a condom somewhere, if you want.” Nora sighed in relief. It wasn’t like the Commonwealth had a steady supply of condoms now. Making them was hard, what with the shortage of supplies. But you could still get your hands on them, if you knew where to look. “Wouldn’t bother me any, but I, uh. Can’t get you pregnant.”

“STDs?” Nora asked.

“Can’t carry ‘em. Radiation kills ‘em right off. Same reason we don’t get sick.”

“What about radiation poisoning?” Nora asked.

“From cum?” Hancock shook his head. “Not gonna happen. Most you’ll feel is a little heat. But hey, as I said. It’s up to you.”

“Fuck it, then. I trust you. Get back over here.”

“You sure?”

“Ask me one more time and I’ll rip your leg off.”

“Keep on with that, and I’ll have a nub body.” But he didn’t argue, and Nora appreciated that, as well. Instead, he kissed her again, easing her back into the mattress until she had her arms around him, once more, and her legs parted to let him in.

It didn’t hurt. After giving birth, Nora knew that she could handle a great deal. But given the amount of time it had been since she had sex, she’d tightened up quite a bit, and the stretch was obvious to her. A pinch, and then pressure. Pleasure. Almost immediately, her head hit the mattress. “Mentats,” Hancock breathed, going slow. “Make everything ten times better.”

“Ten? Try ten thousand.”

“We haven’t gotten to ten thousand, yet. Just wait.” And Nora shivered once more at the promise. He moved against her, keeping a steady and easy pace so that she could adjust. She had one hand on his back, the other on his neck, and tried desperately to look into his eyes – but the Mentat she’d taken made every sense heighten to the point of becoming unbearable, and she had to look away to keep herself from becoming overwhelmed. Seeing the obvious pleasure on his face almost brought her to her second orgasm, coupled with all the things she was already feeling. The new sensations his skin brought, the new emotions that emerged just by being with him – it was all too much already, and Nora felt caught in a trap she didn’t want to escape from.

His hands moved from her hips to her arms, traveling down until they found her hands. His fingers locked with hers, moved her hands above her head and kept them there. Before Nora could request him to go faster, he did – as if he already knew how to read her body. It wasn’t long before she was crying out, sweat dripping down her temple. She dared one final look at him, and took it all in. The possessive glint in his eyes, the gritted teeth that hinted he was holding back, the furrowed brow that suggested he had so much more to offer – and Nora came undone.

If the rest of Sanctuary heard her screaming, she didn’t care. She’d told Hancock that was what she wanted, and he delivered. But he didn’t stop there. Didn’t stop when her screams faded and she was a panting, quivering mess underneath him. Didn’t stop when she bit into his shoulder to stifle her moans. Didn’t stop until a shiver ran down his spine, the only sign that he was close, and Nora said she wanted him to cum inside her. That was enough for him, apparently, because his orgasm hit almost on demand, his moans hot in her ear as he circled his hips against her to ride his euphoria out. He remained deep inside her, and he was right – there was a heat that spilled inside her and Nora liked it. She was sweaty and breathless but he didn’t care. He kissed her, stayed inside of her until she said it was okay for him to pull out.

Nora sighed and debated on getting something to clean herself up with, but she knew if she stood, gravity would work against her, and she didn’t want that. She wanted to lie there, cum inside her because it made her feel dirty in ways she thoroughly enjoyed. This must be what Hancock had meant about the guilt working in her favor. She laughed, wiped sweat from her face, and kissed him again. “Good?” he asked.

“Really, really good,” she agreed. “You?”

“The best,” he replied.


	10. On Mornings After and Forgiveness

Hancock was warm, and Nora didn’t want to get up. She curled up tighter next to him, relished in the way his arm pulled her closer. “You awake now?” he asked, and she sighed happily against his bare chest.

“How long have you been up?” she asked.

“Dunno. Lost track of time.”

“Sorry.”

“Nah. I would have gotten up if I wanted to.”

Nora sat up, stretched her limbs out. She felt dirty and sweaty and gross, and wanted nothing more than to take a bath. Hancock, meanwhile, seemed perfectly happy remaining in bed. He lit up a morning cigarette and took in the sight of her body. She didn’t feel ashamed. For the first time, Nora felt joy in her own skin. It didn’t matter that she had stretch marks – the ones from puberty and the ones from her pregnancy. It didn’t matter that in the past, she was told her appeal had decreased because she was a mother. It didn’t matter that her breasts weren’t like what she saw in magazines, or that she still had that bit of extra weight she couldn’t work off. It didn’t matter, because Hancock was enamored with it and she felt power with that. For the first time, she accepted herself and the influence that she carried – not just on the battlefield, but in bed.

And goddamn, it felt good.

“Last night was great,” she said. She turned to look at her lover, saw him smiling around his cigarette. “Better than anything I’ve ever done.”

“Better than scuba diving?” Hancock asked.

“What?”

“What do you mean, what? I know you rich assholes went scuba diving before the war. What did fish look like back then?”

“Like this.” Nora sucked in her cheeks and pursed her lips. She felt so good, she couldn’t help it. The stupid, childish antics came out, and he didn’t judge her for them. He laughed with her because he knew that they didn’t devalue her at all. He knew that just like her love for organizing events, just like her ferocity on the battlefield, and just like her need to care for everyone – her odd humor was a part of her. It didn’t make her one type of woman or another. It made her Nora. And she was an individual, not a stereotype. He saw her like that. He understood all her complexities and didn’t accuse her of being fake, or changing her personality too often, or being too cold when she set boundaries. Hell, he encouraged all of it. He encouraged her anger and remorse and love, and never once looked down at her for it. Like he was better than her, even though he was just as unpredictable.

And she loved him for it.

“Slept right through the storm,” Nora said. Hancock hummed, sucked in smoke. “I’m a little bit sore.”

“Yeah. Got a bit too rough last night. Sorry about that.”

“No, it didn’t hurt. I’m always sore after sex. Limited capacity. I was just too focused on how good it felt to notice any pain last night, I guess.”

“Limited capacity?” Hancock did that thing Nora realized she loved so much – moved the cigarette with his tongue until it was on the opposite corner of his mouth, the sucked more smoke in. “Not familiar with childbirth, but wouldn’t that make it harder?”

“It depends,” Nora said. “Thing about humans is that we have such a high mortality rate with birth anyway. Disadvantage of being bipedal.” He hummed in understanding. “It narrowed our birth canals quite a bit. But because if medicine, we were able to overcome that. So Shaun’s birth wasn’t any more complicated than the next, I guess, given the technology we had at the time.”

“I love how smart you are.”

Nora beamed. “College will do that to you.”

“Nah. I met ghouls who went to college. They don’t think that shit matters anymore. That’s what I like about you, love. You still hold onto it. Endless optimism. Counteracts my cynicism. You know how much of a sucker I am for balance. Tell me something else.”

“Like what?”

“I dunno. Science shit. I love it.”

Nora thought for a moment. “Every three million years, one percent of our DNA changes. So one percent of a new species is created.”

“No shit?”

“No shit. It’s evolution.”

“Fuck me sideways.”

“But evolution can be tricked, I guess. I never thought about it until last night, but ghouls are kind of a new species that developed quicker than normal.” Hancock hummed again. “I mean, for the most part, you’re human, right? Same features. But you’ve adapted to coexist with the most prevalent part of our ecosystem – radiation.” Nora rubbed at her stiff neck. “Natural selection at its finest.”

“You thought of that last night?”

Nora looked back at Hancock, took in his questioning expression. “Yeah. When you picked me up.”

“Fuckin’ Mentats makin’ a scientist out of you. Shit, if you weren’t so invested in Sanctuary, I’d make you a lead researcher over at Goodneighbor.”

“What would I research? The glory of John Hancock?”

“You know it, babe.” He sat up then, pulled the cigarette from his mouth and kissed the corner of her lips. “A paralegal with the trivia knowledge of a textbook. Still can’t figure out what I did to deserve you.” He stood, cigarette back in his mouth, and got dressed. Nora watched him carefully. He was handsome with his clothes on. They gave him an air of confidence, the kind of push he needed to lead an entire settlement. But she liked him without them, too. That was a side of him that was reserved for her. “Hope your son took after you,” Hancock said. “One hell of a bright kid.” He stilled. “Not sayin’ anything bad about Nate.”

“You don’t have to. I’ve got enough bad things to say about him to last me a lifetime.” Nora smiled, understanding. “Hey, want to do something today?”

“Like what?” he asked, buttoning up his shirt. When finished with that, he tied the American flag sash around his waist.

“I don’t know. Go out, have a picnic, listen to the radio.”

“Only station we get around here is Yankee Doodle.”

That’s how Hancock always referred to the Settlement station: Yankee Doodle, because it seemed to be one of the only songs Preston was willing to play.

“We could head to Diamond City and throw noodles in security’s face when they threaten to throw you out,” Nora suggested. Hancock barked with laughter. “I want to take a bath and check on Sanctuary first, though.”

By the time Nora was finished with her bath, Hancock had already left the house, politely shutting all doors behind him. She dressed in armor, deciding that she was going to leave Sanctuary today after all, all joking aside. When she emerged, she saw Preston standing at her door. “General,” he said. Nora folded her arms across her chest and frowned at him.

“Garvey.”

If he didn’t want to be on a first name basis anymore, that was his fault.

“I got news from outside the Commonwealth. Might be something you want to consider.”

“Another settlement that needs help? I can’t travel out of the Commonwealth and help people at the drop of the hat.”

“Nothing like that,” Preston said. “An alliance. People up in the Capital Wasteland want to discuss setting up safer trade routes between the Wasteland and the Commonwealth. They’re asking for representatives from major settlements to show up to discuss the details.”

“Major settlements?” Nora snorted. “We’re not major, Preston.”

“Our population is about equal to Goodneighbor’s.”

“All right. So that means Hancock, McDonough, and myself are going?”

Suddenly, Nora’s stomach sank.

Mayor McDonough and Hancock, having to be in the same area. Nora bit her lip, weighed the consequences. Maybe she should request that Hancock not go? It might be better for him. He’d expressed multiple times how angry he was with his brother. Last thing Nora needed was to see him get so hell-bent on revenge that he forgot the purpose of this all. And Nora knew that safer trade routes were essential. This wasn’t something that they could just blow off. “What is it?” Preston asked.

“Hancock’s not on best terms with the Diamond City mayor. That’s all.”

“I can see why. Diamond City and Goodneighbor are polar opposites.” Preston didn’t need to know the details about the situation, and Nora figured it wasn’t her place to inform him that there was something deeper to it. “But ultimately, if this works out, it means more supplies for both settlements. I’m sure they can set their grudge aside for the sake of a better, safer economy for the Commonwealth.” Nora shrugged. She didn’t want to argue. She’d just have to discuss this with Hancock later. “It’s mentioned that you can bring along two others from your settlement, so that we get a wider variety of views to understand what’s necessary.”

“They’re really making sure that we’re doing this democratically, aren’t they?” Nora asked.

“It’s the Capital Wasteland, Nora. They take this kind of stuff seriously.” Finally, first name. Nora unfolded her arms. “Who do you want me to tell to pack their things?”

“You,” Nora said. “You’re going to come with me.”

“All right.” Preston tried to fight the shock that crossed his features, but failed for a moment. He also relaxed. “Who else?”

“No one else. I’m going to Diamond City to grab the next person.”

“Diamond City’s McDonough’s.”

“No. There’s someone there that needs to come that he won’t bring. She needs to be a part of it. No one knows about the dangers of the Commonwealth. She needs to be involved if we’re going to be discussing safer trading. I’ll explain that she needs to be a representative of Sanctuary and not Diamond City.” Preston seemed uncertain.

“You mean Piper,” he said.

“I do.”

“You bring Piper, she could very well ruin any negotiations. McDonough will be on edge enough as it is, if what you say about his rivalry with Hancock is true. Bring Piper, and he could very well disagree to go.”

“That’s his own fault, then,” Nora said. She wasn’t going to let up on this. She’d made up her mind. Preston looked at her carefully, eyes narrowing at her.

“This has to do with her vendetta against the Institute, doesn’t it?” he asked.

“If it does, then what does that have to do with my decision?” Nora asked. Yes, it had to do with Piper hating the Institute. It had to do with her conspiracy theories – which at this point, Nora figured were more than just theories. It had to do with Shaun, and the ties he may have to the Institute. It had to do with Nora getting word out there across the nation about the dangers here. If she could form powerful allies elsewhere, then they may have more help.

“That’s sneaky, Nora. Not sure if I like it, I’ll admit.”

“A woman once told me that to play chess, you have to sacrifice a few pieces to keep the game going,” Nora said. “This is a way for me to get some help, Preston. It’s either this, or give Mama Murphy some chems sooner rather than later. Decide which you want more.” Preston sighed, defeated.

“All right. Bring Piper.”

Nora nodded. “All right. Go get your things together. I’m going to go break the news to Hancock, and we’ll leave for Boston tonight. He’ll go to Goodneighbor to grab who he wants to take, and you and I will head into Diamond City.” Nora was ready to leave then, but added more to her plan. “Tell Nick to come along. If our plan with Piper falls through, he’ll be there with us. If we manage to bring her along, then he’ll have work to do in the City anyway. No lost time for us. We’ll head for the Capital Wasteland within four days. Sound fair?”

“Sounds fair. Nora.” She waited for him to continue. “I wanted to talk to you about something else, too.”

“All right.”

“The other day, the things I said. I wanted to apologize.” He shifted, seemingly uncomfortable with this. Nora understood. It was so much easier to hold onto pride than it was to forgive. Both himself and her. She faced him fully, waiting for him to finish. “I’m a leader here too, to a lot of these people, and the way I behaved wasn’t indicative of that. I caused a lot of tension here. It’s not fair to the people of Sanctuary. But that aside, it’s not fair to you, or to Hancock. I’ve given it some thought, and I support you.” Nora smiled, lips apart and teeth showing, and she could feel the waterworks coming. “I admit, I did have feelings for you. I still do. But I won’t let it get in the way of my work, I won’t let it get in the way between me and you, and I won’t let it get in the way of your relationship.”

“You’re a good man, Preston. Thank you.”

“I just hope I haven’t made a lasting, negative impression with Hancock. He’s a part of this now.”

“John likes you. He’s not upset.”

“Really?” Preston seemed surprised. “Well, in that case, I’m glad. I don’t understand it, but I’m glad.”

“You’re doing your part to help the people of the Commonwealth, Preston. John admires that. You should hang out with him sometime. Get to know him better.” He seemed uncertain. “Don’t worry. If he offers you chems, say they’re not your thing and he won’t press the issue.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Preston shifted again. “You should talk to Jun before we leave. He’s been upset about the idea of Mama Murphy leaving us at some point in time.” Nora chewed on her bottom lip. She hadn't considered things from Jun's side. This would be difficult.“I’ve come to accept it. I realize that we’ve been selfish, asking you for help without taking what you need into consideration. And Mama Murphy’s a way out of that. You’re right. If she’s willing to die for others, then she’s just as honorable as us. Her way out doesn’t change that. But Jun – he’s lost a lot already. So talk to him. He needs to hear something from his leader.” Nora nodded. “All right. I’ll get my stuff ready to go, and break the news to Nick. I’ll meet you at the bridge at nightfall.”


	11. On Depression and Eavesdropping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for this chapter: Talk of depression and suicide.

When Nora found Jun, he was leaning against the wall of a house, watching the crops sway gently in the Commonwealth wind. His stared beyond them, though, like something in the distance had caught his attention, despite its nonexistence. “Jun. Got a moment?” Nora leaned against the wall next to him.

“Got lots of moments,” he said. “Too many.”

He really was down. Nora felt a pang of guilt. “Preston told me you weren’t feeling good. Care to tell me what’s going on?” He finally looked at her. He looked more tired than usual, dark bags under his eyes and sallow skin. Nora figured it had been a while since he ate last. He stared at her expectantly, knowing that she already had the answer, but she wanted to hear it from him. Wanted him to get it off his chest.

“I don’t want Mama Murphy to take any more chems,” he said. “I really don’t want that. I want her to stay around. But at the same time, I want you to find your son.” He slid down the wall, sitting on the dirt. Nora followed, crossing her legs under her. “I don’t know what’s right anymore. Part of me is mad at you. The other part is mad at myself. I’m just mad, Nora.”

“You lost your son,” Nora said. “You feel guilty that you couldn’t protect him. You’d feel guilty if you couldn’t protect Mama Murphy, and you’d feel guilty if you prevented me from finding Shaun. I understand that.” Jun rubbed at his eyes. Was he crying? “Listen to me, I’m doing whatever I can to keep Mama Murphy alive for as long as we can, while keeping her needs in mind. She wants to help, and she’s only got one way to do it. It would be cruel of us to deprive her of that.” Jun shrugged. “Preston, Nick, Hancock, and I are leaving tonight. We’re going into Boston to gather a few more people, and then we’re heading out to the Capital Wasteland. We’ll be gone for a while.” Jun looked at her.

“Why?” he asked, and she registered fear in his voice.

“Because,” Nora said, “it’s a way to make the Commonwealth safer for traders, and it may be a way for me to find my son without having to give Mama Murphy chems right now. Then we could reserve her Sight for other things, like keeping Sanctuary going in times of desperation. She’ll have a longer life, and you’ll have a chance to spend more time with her.” Jun exhaled, shuddering.

“I don’t like it,” he said. “I don’t want people to go anywhere. I can’t lose more people.”

“We’re highly skilled, Jun. We’re all coming back.”

“It could be months,” Jun argued.

“It will be,” Nora replied. “But you’ve got family here now. You’ve got people here who love you and who will help you through everything. Sturges will still be here. So will Mama Murphy and MacCready. You like MacCready, right?”

“He picks on me.”

“Yeah, well, he can be a bit of an asshole,” Nora agreed. “But it’s his way of trying to make you feel better. He can’t imagine losing his own son.”

“What’s wrong with his son?”

Normally, Nora wouldn’t divulge information like this to other people. She didn’t believe in revealing other peoples’ secrets. But considering the state Jun was in, she figured MacCready would forgive her. “He’s sick,” she said. “Very sick. We don’t know with what, and MacCready’s trying to find a cure.”

“Oh.”

“He needs your strength.”

“I’m not strong.”

“You’re damn strong, Jun. Stronger than anyone here. You’re still going, and that’s the most beautiful, powerful thing anyone can have. The will to keep going, despite everything hinting that it might be time to let go.”

“Sometimes I wonder if everything else is right. I’m a burden. I couldn’t save my son.”

“We need you.”

“We need Mama Murphy.”

“Yes,” Nora replied, trying to figure out the best way to say what she had to. “Yes, we do. We need her Sight. But not right now. Her time isn’t coming for a while, Jun. Don’t mourn her before she’s gone.” She placed a hand on her shoulder. “After I gave birth to Shaun, I got depressed.”

“Birth isn’t something you get depressed about,” Jun countered.

“That’s a very common misconception, but postpartum depression is a very real thing, and it can be very dangerous. No one took me seriously. They all saw this little miracle in my arms and thought I should be happy, but I didn’t feel happy. I was so totally alone. Not even my own husband was there for me. It doesn’t make sense, does it? The depression, the fact that no one was willing to believe it?” Jun shook his head. “That’s because depression is your brain’s way of lying to you. It says you’ve got no worth, when really you do. If I hadn’t survived, you wouldn’t be here. Your wife wouldn’t be here. There’s a lot riding on my shoulders now. I’m grateful that I pushed through it. Even if I get remnants of it here and there, even if I fall back down, I wait until I can pull myself back up. Because it’s a constant battle. It’s not easy, and you never really beat it – but there’s a way for you to always be on the winning end of a battle against an enemy that won’t give up.”

“What’s that?” Jun asked.

“You don’t give up either.”

Jun picked at a blade of dead grass. It crumpled in his fingers. Symbolic of all the things he couldn’t hold onto. “I don’t feel like my brain is lying to me.”

“Take it from someone who lived in a time of psychology – that’s exactly what it is. You trust me, don’t you?” He nodded. “Then trust me when I say that we need you. I need you. Sanctuary wouldn’t thrive without you. And it doesn’t feel like that right now, but from an outsider looking in, I can tell you that your brain is seriously misinterpreting reality. That’s what we’re here for – to bring you the facts, so that you can take the time to analyze them. Leave that to us, and focus on healing and pulling us through. Can you do that?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Nora stood, and so did Jun.

“Thanks,” he said. “Please, don’t tell Marcy about this. She’s worried about me enough as it is. I don’t need her to think …” Nora understood. No one needed to know how Jun had been contemplating suicide.

“I won’t tell her. Do me a favor and go help Sturges. He’s trying to put doors in all the homes. I want to see this place with windows and doors by the time I get back, okay? That’s a goal for you to focus on.”

“What about after that?” he asked.

“Focus on fixing the walls.”

“What about the defenses?”

Nora smiled. He was starting to think about other things. Things that needed to be done. And even though she could tell it gave him anxiety, at least thinking about goals would keep his mind off his own issues. “Tell you what, follow Sturges’s orders. He’s going to be in charge while I’m gone. If he says he doesn’t need your help, I need you to man the radio. Get signals out to bring more people to Sanctuary so we can boost our defenses.” She patted his shoulder again. “Goodbye, Jun. And good luck. I look forward to seeing you when I get back.” He nodded, and the two walked around the house together. While Jun continued to go meet Sturges, Nora found Hancock just around the corner, lighting up a cigarette. “Eavesdropping?” she asked.

“Just wanted to see how you handled the people while you were alone with them,” Hancock asked. “There are some things about you that I can’t learn when I’m there.”

“Like what?” Nora asked.

“Really, I don’t know. Seems to me like you’re the same woman without me as you are with me. Never thought I’d find that.”

“What, you don’t trust me to not put up a front?” Nora asked, maybe a little bit offended.

“Remember when I told you that I’m new to this whole romance thing?” Hancock replied. “There’s a reason for that. People came to me, putting on this act, but when they were away, they were different.” He took a drag, blew smoke out away from Nora’s face. “Made me lose hope, frankly. The more I figure you out, the deeper I get.”

“Please don’t listen in on private conversations again,” Nora said. “It’s not fair to Jun.”

“Promise,” Hancock said, lifting his right hand. “Won’t do it again.”

“Thank you. So you heard about us going to Boston?”

“And Cap Waste? Yeah. What’s the reason?”

“People from the Capital Wasteland want to establish safer trade routes. They want leaders from every major settlement nearby to negotiate what needs to be done. That means you, me, and …” Nora paused, shrugged. Hancock figured it out.

“The dick weasel,” he said.

“Yeah. That one.”

“Fuck. Ain’t enough Jet in the world.” He exhaled more smoke, and Nora realized he was choking down that cigarette faster than usual. “But if it means safety for the people, then I’ll go.”

“You can bring two others from your settlement, so that they get a better idea of what everyone from your settlement needs. I assume you’re taking Fahrenheit?”

“Nah. She needs to stick around in Goodneighbor to protect them. I’ll take Magnolia and Daisy.”

“Can your economy survive that?” she asked.

“Magnolias been training a protégé, and Daisy’s got an assistant now. So yeah, we can handle it. What about you?”

“I’m taking Preston and Nick to Diamond City while you get your affairs together in Goodneighbor. From there, I’ll ask Piper if she wants to join us, since I know McDonough won’t want to take her. If she agrees, Nick will stay in Diamond City for a bit to do work. If she declines, we’ll take him with us. No lost time.”

“Good plan,” Hancock agreed. “No one knows the dangers of the Commonwealth more than Piper, and McDumbfuck won’t recognize it.” Nora licked her lips nervously, and Hancock grunted. “You still think he’s a synth.”

“You said it yourself, that he’s not the man you grew up with. Changes like that just don’t make sense to me, John. There’s a reason he ignores the threat of the Institute.”

“Yeah, well, whatever he is, he’s an asshole.” He flicked the cigarette to the ground and stomped on it. “I’ll get my shit together.”

As he left, Nora wondered if this was a good idea after all. Hancock hadn’t seen his brother since he’d left Diamond City, and he was already on edge. He may not admit it, but Nora could tell that Hancock wasn’t happy in the least. She sighed and headed back to her home. The sun was beginning to set. She’d woken up too late during the day and now she had limited time to pack up the essentials. She could deal with the rest later.


	12. On Partings and Threats

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone's wondering, no, I don't have an ending or a direction in mind for this fic. I mean, yeah, it's obvious because shit's everywhere but I mean come on. Shit's fun. As long as I get to keep using characters I don't own as a means to talk about ethics, politics, and social problems, I'm going to keep taking whatever scenario I can think of to make it happen, dammit.

“Wait, so you’re telling me I get a chance to bring the affairs of the Commonwealth to another part of the nation and, as a result, ultimately promote the safety of people and potentially bring down the Institute?” Piper rested her weight on her hip. “Oh, McDonough won’t like that.”

“I know he won’t,” Nora said. “That’s why he never told you about it. Because he knew you’d go regardless. I want you to come with me and represent Sanctuary.”

“Oh, I’m in,” Piper said. “I wouldn’t pass this up. I’m sick of McDonough pretending like there’s no issue. I can’t wait to wipe that stupid, smug grin of his face when he thinks he’s got the best of me. He thinks I gave up, but I’ve been biding my time. And what a reward I’ve gotten. When do we leave?”

“Once you get everything together. How’s your aim?”

“How’s my aim?” Piper snorted. “Damn good. Don’t worry about that.”

“Can your sister handle things while you’re gone?”

“She’s got Nick looking after her. She’ll be fine. More than anything, I’m worried about them taking the opportunity to kick her out of Diamond City.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Nick said. “If they do, I’ll take her to Sanctuary. And if I can say so, it’s a few shades brighter than what we’ve got here.” Piper smiled at the synth. “Well, if that settles it, I’m going to head on into the agency and see what cases I can take care of.”

“Thanks, Nick.” Nora watched her friend leave, and looked over at Preston. “All right, we’ll go stock up on any extra supplies. Piper, when you’re ready –” she turned her attention back to the journalist “—come meet us at the entrance.”

“Will do. See you in a few.”

“Copy that.” Nora waved, and Preston followed her out into Diamond City. The City, as usual, seemed bright and happy on the surface. A surplus of security made everyone feel safe, but Nora could hear chatter from the barber’s not too far away. Another discussion as to whether or not the mayor and his secretary were synths. The barber arguing against it, the mother arguing for it. Across the path, the noodle stand remained as popular as ever. The paranoid shopkeeper who thought everyone was a synth had turned away someone that Nora didn’t recognize, yelling that she didn’t serve “their kind.” Off in the distance, Nora was certain she could hear Vadim’s laughter. “We should have brought MacCready, now that I think about it. He’s used to the Capital Wasteland. We would have that benefit.”

“If you want, I can head back to Sanctuary. Tell him to make his way here.” Nora considered Preston’s offer for a moment, then shook her head. “No. You’re the Minutemen. We need you. We need Piper. We’ll figure out the layout of the Wasteland ourselves. Do me a favor and grab some food before we head out. Make sure that you’ve got enough energy for the journey ahead.”

“I’d rather help you gather up supplies, Nora.”

“Think about your own needs for once, Preston.” Nora smiled over her shoulder at the officer, then made her way across the street. She spent the next couple of hours trading caps and goods in exchange for necessary supplies. She figured there would be plenty of raider corpses to loot for ammo and chems, so she focused primarily on food and water. Nora had to admit, she was nervous. She hadn’t been to D.C. since she was eighteen and touring for the sake of learning politics. Seeing it now would devastate her, she was sure. She’d always loved the Capital, and to hear it be called the Wasteland now – that didn’t bring anticipation of good news. She wondered what kind of people were at the Wasteland, and what kind of creatures lived there. Did they have Deathclaws there, too? She hoped not. Their meat was too tough to eat a majority of the time, and they were a bitch to kill.

By the time she’d finished, she met with Preston and Piper at the entrance to Diamond City – but it seemed like they had company. Nora approached, hearing the conversation halfway through. “—scared of me getting the truth out to the rest of the country, McDonough? You should be. You can’t hide behind the comfort of Diamond City anymore. Once this is done with, it’s all over.”

“That’s preposterous, Piper. There’s nothing for me to hide. You’re only going to cause trouble. I warn you – if you carry on with this, it will be the final straw for you and your sister.”

Piper tilted her head back and laughed – loudly, proudly, to the heavens so that God himself would shake in fear at her determination. When she looked back at the mayor, she had new purpose in her eyes and her chest swelled with pride. “You think that’s supposed to scare me? Kick me out. Fine. I can continue my work in Sanctuary – where we’re a hell of a lot safer.”

“If that’s what you want,” Nora said, climbing the last step, “I’ll go let Nick know that he has to escort a defenseless little girl across the Commonwealth. It wouldn’t be the first time the mayor cast innocent people out because he didn’t like them.”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mayor McDonough replied.

“The ghouls?” Preston countered. “I think the entire Commonwealth agrees that the ferals are a major problem, but we all know you damned good men and women to death out there. That’s a lot you’re claiming to not know.”

“You’re misinterpreting the events,” McDonough replied. “The thing about ghouls is that the radiation will slowly turn them feral, regardless of how good or bad they are. Don’t you know anything about the process?”

“Yeah, actually, we do.” Preston squared his shoulders. “Ghouls go feral when the irradiation becomes too much. It’s an immediate effect for the most part. Very rarely does it take time for it to happen. You can look at the ghouls that have lived for over two centuries as a testament to that.”

“I’m not at liberty to take any risks, or to explain my decisions to you. Now, I’m going to have to ask you to leave –”

“Oh, we’re leaving,” Nora said, stepping down the stairs again. “But first, I’m going to let Piper’s sister know that she’s not welcome in Diamond City anymore. Nick will take her back to Sanctuary, where everyone will hear about the Mayor’s intolerance for democracy.”

“That’s just not true –”

Nora cut him off. “And then, when we’re done here, we’re heading to Goodneighbor, where we’ll meet our ghoul mayor. We’ll witness a parting ceremony, where people will mourn his departure, because they love him. And I guess we’ll all meet you in the Wasteland – one big, happy family reunion.” Mayor McDonough’s brow furrowed. Piper and Preston stared at her, though their expressions remained impossible to read. So she'd dropped the bomb, but it was too late to take it back now. She would just have to apologize to Hancock for it later. “You have a lot to atone for, McDonough. And John won’t let the opportunity pass him by.”

“John?” asked McDonough. His voice went quiet. Not remorse, but genuine fear. “John’s a –”

“A ghoul,” Preston finished for him. “And a damned good mayor. You going to let the girl stay, or are you going to declare war with Goodneighbor? Just remember, they’ve got allies in high places.”

“So does Diamond City,” Mayor McDonough threatened.

“Like the Institute?” Piper suggested. The mayor didn’t respond. “Watch yourself, McDonough. You know I will be.” Preston and Piper took the opportunity to leave. Nora, on the other hand, moved to stand next to McDonough. She gave him one final warning.

“I’m aware of the rumors. I have been since I arrived. I admit, at first they intrigued me, but I ignored them. I was willing to play nice, but in case you haven't noticed, I haven't been around Diamond City for a long time, and for a damn good reason. Because now, after getting to know your brother, I decided I don't care. I don’t care if you’re man or synth,” she said, low enough that no one else could hear her. “If you’re the real McDonough, you’ve done enough to warrant being estranged from your brother. And if you’re a synth, you destroyed the only family he had left. The one person he trusted. But there's one good thing that came from what you did. Your actions showed the greatest man I've ever met how not to lead people. How democracy inspires hope and how freedom creates safety. So whatever fate comes your way, regardless of what you are, I want you to know that I have no pity for you. And when you ask for mercy, sobbing on your knees and trying to appeal to the ethos of the more sensible man, I’ll be the one telling John to put that bullet in your head.” Nora passed through the opening gate. “Look forward to seeing you at the Wasteland.”


	13. On Prejudice and Consent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you were to tell Hancock and Nora that talking about sexual expectations is anxiety-inducing work, they'd be hella confused.

Nora fell down onto her rented bed. “Can you believe this?” she said. “Purified water everywhere and they still haven’t put in a decent bathtub here. I had to clean myself in the sink, John. The sink!”

“Easy, princess. Not everyone’s as used to a privileged life as you.” Hancock brushed dust off his tricorn hat and replaced it back on his head before turning to face Nora. “But I’ll admit – this place is a dump. You see how that Moriarty shit treats Gob?”

“Prejudice against ghouls is pretty bad up here. I heard rumors while I was out about this place called Tenpenny Tower. Apparently they shoot approaching ghouls as a sport.”

Hancock snorted. “Better be fuckin’ glad they weren’t invited to this shit. I’d have a word or two to share with them.” Nora nodded. “Told Gob to come back with us. Said I’d find him a good, paid job in Goodneighbor. Fuckin’ slave labor they got him doing here. Pisses me right off. Worst thing? He won’t leave. Says it’d piss Moriarty off. What kind of crock of shit is that? Like, man, you’ll be far away from him this time next week. If he comes to hunt you down, I’ll put a bullet in his brain.” Nora smiled, opened one eye to look at her lover.

“He’s got a thing for that woman. Nova.”

“Shit, I’ll bring her too.”

“John, she doesn’t return the sentiment.”

He sighed, sank down onto the mattress next to her. “Fuck this place. Wanna go back to Goodneighbor.”

“Not the kind of discomfort you imagined when you tagged along with me, is it?” Nora asked. She sat up behind him, removed his coat, and began rubbing his shoulders. He grunted, leaned back against her. “You can’t save everyone.”

“That’s bull.”

“John, you’re going to end up driving yourself insane if you try to take on the world’s problems.” Nora leaned in, kissed his neck, and rested her chin on his shoulder. “Let me talk to Gob. Maybe I can convince him.” She didn’t think it would get anywhere, but if it put Hancock’s mind at ease, then she’d do it. She owed him a lot. He’d forgiven her for dropping the bomb on Preston and Piper that he was McDonough’s brother. He’d forgiven her for telling McDonough all about his Goodneighbor mayorship. He’d forgiven her for threatening his brother, which could have put everyone at risk. (“What if he decided to hang back just to fuck everyone over while we were away, Nora? You think about that?”)

He’d forgiven her, because his heart knew no limits in depth and she wanted to share that kind of love with as many people as possible. “Got a list of names,” Hancock finally mumbled. He breathed heavily against Nora’s chest. The journey had exhausted him. He patted at his chest, trying to find a pocket. Nora took the hint and reached into his discarded coat to fish out a piece of paper. “Yeah, that’s it.” She looked it over.

From Diamond City, McDonough was bringing Geneva and Vadim. They had three people from Vault 101 – Amata, Olivia, and Butch. There was a note that Rivet city had declined attending due to the “security risks.” Nora figured they were doing fine on their own and wouldn’t benefit from safer trade routes. Here in Megaton, three people were attending: Lucas Simms, Harden Simms, and Colin Moriarty. The meeting would take place at Moriarty’s at three in the afternoon. An additional note thanking everyone for traveling such a long distance to meet with them, and that they would do their best to make Moriarty’s neutral territory for the duration of the meeting.

Considering Moriarty’s demeanor when Nora had met him, she seriously doubted he’d allow for that. He was prouder than Hancock, more aggressive than MacCready, and far more vulgar than anyone she could draw any sort of comparison to.

Nora set the paper aside and resumed rubbing at Hancock’s shoulders. He hummed in approval. “You gonna be okay?” she asked him. He nodded. “Just making sure. You’re heavy.”

“I weigh two pounds. Quit bitchin’.”

“Try two thousand. Get off me. You’re like a truck.”

“I suddenly feel myself getting heavier. I can’t help it. Oops.” Slowly, Hancock’s body went limp, and Nora laughed as he slid down her body, down the bed, and onto the floor. “Want a Mentat?”

“When are you going to try the stuff I got you?” Nora asked.

“Told you, I’m waiting for the right moment.”

“Like what? A marriage proposal?”

Hancock stilled. Nora almost told him that she was joking when he replied, “There’s a thought.” He said nothing else on the matter before digging out his tin of Mentats. He shook it at her, and she politely declined. “Don’t blame you. Too tired to fuck tonight anyway.”

“Ugh, same for me. Not that it’s a chore or anything.”

“You sure about that?”

“I’m positive, John.”

“I mean, there are two things that brooms and I have in common. One is that we’re used for chores. Second is that I can sweep.”

“John, I swear to God, if this is going to be a lame pun –”

“Sweep you right off your feet.”

And while he laughed at his own joke, Nora could only roll her eyes and pretend she wasn’t amused. “I’m gonna chew your face off if you do that again.”

“So violent.” He popped the Mentat in his mouth, chewed, and swallowed easily. The flavor must have stopped being so intense for him years ago. “Hey, what’d’y’ think about Garvey and Wright?”

“What do you mean?”

“Thinkin’ about setting ‘em up. They’d be a thing, right?”

Nora was taken aback. She’d never considered that before. Hancock obviously saw something there that she didn’t, and frankly, that didn’t surprise her. While he always praised her for being astute, he was far more observational than she was. Especially considering how most of her sight was on Hancock these days. Little had been reserved for anyone else unless the situation called for it. “What makes you say that?” she finally asked.

“He didn’t say a damn word while she talked to him. And boy, did she talk. About synths and synths and surprise, more synths. Holy fuck, I get it. Synths are a hot topic. But she’s obsessed with that shit. And he was just walking beside her, the patience of a fuckin’ saint. I’d have lost my damn mind.” Nora wondered how Hancock tolerated her, with how much she talked, herself. “Caught him checkin’ her out, too. Somethin’ about that ass.”

“Piper’s got a nice ass,” Nora agreed.

“Hey, just got a funny thought. Random thing. No relation to the topic at hand. Threesome?”

“You’re out of your damn mind. I don’t share.”

“Says the girl with a ghoul fetish. What about Gobby? Nice ass, right?”

“Oh my God, John. I say one thing to you when I’m high off my ass and you won’t let it go.”

“Whoopsie-daisy. Oh, speaking of –”

“No, not her either. About Preston and Piper, though. You sure he wasn’t just being polite?”

“Nah.” Hancock lit up a cigarette. Nora watched him from her spot on the bed before running her fingers over his scarred scalp. “There’s something there. When you’re interested in someone, you hang onto every word they say. That’s what he was doing. Whenever she stopped to let him say something, he’d comment on something she’d brought up ten or fifteen minutes before. Proof he was listening.”

“Or stopped listening.”

“Garvey? Seriously doubt it.” He passed Nora the cigarette. She didn’t smoke, and when she said so, Hancock shrugged. “What about Valentine?”

“What about him?” Nora asked.

“Get him in a third gen body, he might be hot shit, right? You might consider that?”

“Nope.”

“Fahrenheit?”

Nora almost objected, but she couldn’t. So instead, she shrugged. “Maybe,” she said. Hancock looked up at her.

“Really?” he asked. Nora shrugged again. “Well, shit. That’s something to consider, then.” She kissed the top of his head, then lie back down on the bed. Nora stretched her body out. Her back popped. Instant relief. “I was mostly kidding, you know.”

“Mostly?” Nora feigned severity, but she really thought that the entire conversation was humorous.

“Well, yeah. Won’t lie – I’m into a lot of shit. Not literally. Shit is the one kind of shit I’m not into. But I mean, I’m into the idea of experimenting. Playing around. Making it as dirty as possible.”

“Without shit. Thank God. Come here. You can talk about this when you’re next to me, too. No need to be nervous.”

Hancock stood, dusted his pants off, and kept his cigarette between his lips as he crawled into bed. “I like the new, liberated you,” he said.

“Not entirely,” Nora replied. “I’m still working on it. It’s way out of my comfort zone. So, tell me more about what you like.”

“Nah, it’s your turn.” He took a drag of his cigarette and exhaled smoke as he examined how much more he had left.

“I’m not experienced enough to know,” Nora admitted.

“Anything that Nate did that you liked?”

“Not really.” Nora turned, lying on her side now, head propped up on her hand as she watched Hancock smoke. “I liked the Mentat.” He smirked. “I like hearing you.” He turned his head to look at her. “I liked feeling your body on mine.”

“Ghoul fetishist,” he teased. Nora swatted at his arm.

“Shithead. That’s all I know, though. So it’s your turn.”

“All right. One night, I was with a girl. Real wild thing. And that’s something, coming from me. She was into some weird stuff that I wasn’t sure about, but I tried it anyway, ‘cause you never know, right? Knives.” Nora thought about that, and she realized she was uncertain about the idea. “Bondage.” Definitely uncertain. “Not the real sophisticated kind, with all those knots and shit. The barbaric, hands behind back and legs apart kind.”

“What, you like to do the tying, or you like to be the one being tied?”

“Mostly the former, but I’m not against either.” He examined her face. “Not into it?”

“I haven’t tried it. So I don’t know.”

“Fair enough. Another time, there was this guy who was really into public stuff. Like right out in the open. I know enough to know I’m not into that idea. Kids could be walking by. But the risk of getting caught was tempting enough, so we found a dark spot in a populated area and did the dirty.” Nora considered it, and she realized that of all the ideas he’d spoken about, this was her favorite so far. She wouldn’t mind finding a dark corner in Diamond City with Hancock.

What was it he said? Fuck The Man? Fuck his rules? Yeah. Nora enjoyed the idea of disrespecting a society that disrespected its people, and when there was sex involved? She really liked that idea.

“You like that one,” Hancock observed, and Nora nodded. He seemed pleased enough with this and stared back at the ceiling. He’d stopped smoking and now the cigarette was just burning itself away. Nora could identify.

“Anything you’re not into? Besides shit, I mean.”

Hancock chuckled, but he gave the question some thought. A deep inhale, exhale, and Nora watched as the wheels spun. He went down the list, twitches of his lips deciding that a majority of whatever he thought about didn’t really bother him. “Animals, kids, bathroom stuff – you know. The generic. Eh, rape fantasies aren’t my thing. Not even into the pretending part of it. Biggest turn off for me is thinking the person I’m with doesn’t want me.”

“I’m not into it either, so don’t worry about that.” Nora grinned, moved closer to him. “Don’t think I’d be able to pretend I didn’t want you anyway.”

“I’d hope not.” He wrapped an arm around her, fingers idly stroking her back. “That’s all I can think of off the top of my head, though.”

“Well, I’m down to try whatever you want,” Nora said.

“That’s some dangerous power to give me, love,” Hancock warned.

“Maybe I like the danger.”

“Adrenaline kink. Got it.”

Nora kissed him, hand moving down to his waist before lowering her head to his chest. His heart thudded loudly, but on the outside he seemed so calm. She fell into a peaceful sleep.


	14. On Negotiations and Alliances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TUNNEL SNAKES RULE

Three in the evening came a little too soon for Nora’s likings. She’d been in courtrooms before, but being a part of actual politics seemed so foreign to her. It was rare to find a woman in a position of power in her time. They had the privilege to run for office, but very few got elected. The people shared Nate’s sentiment: “What if she menstruates or gets a hot flash and decides to start a war? It’s an emotional time for a woman.” And Nora wanted to remind him that all wars that sent him overseas had been started by men, but she’d kept her mouth shut, because he’d only dismiss her if she said anything. Would have accused her of being upset only because she didn’t like the truth, or would have told her that she was irrational.

But here, where she sat, she was regarded as an equal. Even McDonough managed to remain civil, though for the most part, he refused to speak to her. Surprisingly, Hancock remained on his best behavior, though Nora could tell from the various twitches that it was difficult for him. She rested her hand on his, gave it a comforting squeeze. It’s okay. McDonough’s gaze flashed toward the gesture, and a small little smile crossed his lips. Something told Nora that it wasn’t friendly.

They sat around the saloon, which had been closed for the duration of their meeting. Moriarty, the fine host that he was, insisted that they all pay for drinks. “Nothing’s on the house,” he said when Vadim mentioned that he’d like some vodka. The Diamond City barkeep scoffed and loudly protested this gesture.

“We never treat people this way in Diamond City. All friends there! Right, Nora?”

“Well, I’m sorry.” Moriarty took his seat, propped his feet up on a table. “I only meant to say – if you don’t like it, get the fuck out. How’s that, Vavoom?”

“His name is Vadim,” the man named Lucas Simms said. “No drinks, then.”

“Fucking losing caps over this. Let’s make it quick, then.”

“Moriarty, you were invited to this discussion because your business is a vital part of Megaton,” Lucas said.

“You’re damn right it is. And guess what? Right now it’s closed. Tick tock.”

The man clearly didn’t understand the gesture, so Lucas gave up. He stood. “Guess I’ll get this meeting started, then,” he said. “So, as you all know, I’m Lucas Simms. Sheriff, mayor, and judge here in Megaton.” Hancock nodded. Respect. “We do all right for ourselves. Things got better once Olivia helped her father fix up the radiated water problem.” He gestured toward a beautiful woman who stood, leaning against a wall, next to a man with greased hair. They wore identical leather jackets. “Our town is booming. Trade is at a great point right now. We’d like to expand that to areas outside of the Wasteland. Sadly, slavers and raiders are keeping that from happening.”

“Wait, slavers?” This piqued Piper’s interest. “You mean people enslave others here?”

“I can tell by your reaction that you don’t have the same problem,” Lucas said.

“No, we’ve got the Institute. Kidnappings to replace people with exact replicas, but they’re machine inside.” The room fell silent. McDonough cleared his throat.

“Piper’s been a thorn in my side since she went on this whole anti-Institute tirade. I can assure you, there’s no such thing. No threat like that exists where we are. I’ve been mayor of the largest settlement in the Commonwealth for years, and I can promise you that we’re safer than any place you’ve ever been before.”

“Oh, shove it, McDonough. They want safe trade routes to our settlements, they have to know that we’ve got problems, too.” Nora smiled. Piper clearly wasn’t going to let up on this.

“I agree,” Lucas said. “It doesn’t seem so outrageous to me. The Brotherhood’s gotten hold of quite a bit of technology. It surprised me at one point what kind of stuff still existed. Nowadays, I don’t find it a shock anymore. Tell me about the Institute.”

Mayor McDonough stuttered over his words, but eventually fell silent, realizing he wasn’t going to win this battle. “No one knows where they are, or what their purpose is. But synths are very real, and a very real threat. And if McDonough wants to tell you that they’re not, then that’s just because he refuses to admit that just last week, all of Diamond City watched security mow down a man just because he was accused of being a synth. It’s a damn witch hunt in the Commonwealth.”

“Yeah,” Hancock said. “Makes life hard for the synths out there that aren’t doing a damn thing wrong. Like Valentine.”

“Nick Valentine,” Piper explained. “Detective over at Diamond City. He’s an obvious synth and never tried to hide it. Most people get along with him fine, but there’s still those out there who want to make life as difficult for him as possible.”

“So hang on.” Another woman spoke up. Brown hair, big doe eyes, clearly as scared to be involved with this as Nora was. “You’re telling me that if we tried to open up trade routes with you, we run the risk of getting kidnapped and replaced with robots? Do you believe this?”

“You heard of Little Lamplight, right?” Nora asked suddenly. Olivia and her friend, which Nora assumed to be Butch, caught onto this question. Olivia nodded silently. “We’ve got a man in the Commonwealth. Used to be mayor of that place. Does the name MacCready ring a bell?”

“Man, that little shit?” Butch snorted. “Fuck, man, small world. How’s the asshole doing now?”

“He’s got a sick kid and a dead wife, thanks for asking,” Nora said. Butch leaned back silently against the wall. “You want confirmation that the threat’s real, you can come back with us and ask him yourselves. He was living in Goodneighbor for a while before he moved into my settlement, Sanctuary.”

Lucas raised his hand to silence the group. “We don’t have a doubt that you’ve got problems. Our main focus is figuring out how to end it,” he said. “If we don’t open up trade routes and expand to more settlements, we can’t rebuild the nation. It’s our obligation to start it now.”

“A-fuckin’-men,” Hancock said.

“Pardon me for saying,” McDonough spoke, “but why should it be our obligation? The people are happy with this arrangement. They have been for two-hundred years.”

“Pre-war woman here,” Nora said. From behind the counter, Gob suddenly seemed incredibly interested in the conversation. “Maybe I can answer that question. Before the war, we were at a cultural standstill. No developments in equality, no change in music, no difference in clothes or diplomacy. Everything was put on hold for the sake of making our technology better. It resulted in our ultimate annihilation. I remember the bombs falling. I remember the fear. But I also remember how great the country used to be, all of that aside. We were going to go in the right direction. Activists were popping up left and right to demand equality. Despite the oppression, we could have become a happy nation with time. If we could rebuild society to the way that it was, with our current cultural developments, we could very well make the ideal nation. The kind that our founding fathers wanted to see.”

“Pre-war? You’re not a ghoul, though.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. Shut up, Gob, and do your job. You think I pay you to hear your opinions?”

“What’s his salary, again?” Hancock asked, directly challenging Moriarty.

“Eh, look at this. A ghoul, pissed because he’s a ghoul.”

“You want to break off all negotiations, Moriarty, keep going,” Nora spat. She’d heard that line before. She’d heard it directed at her. Heard Nate insist that she was only upset about women’s issues because she was a woman. She’d be damned if she heard the same line, regurgitated to Hancock. “The country can blame you for extinction.” He shrugged.

“I won’t be alive. Not my problem.”

“Ignore him,” Olivia said at last. She had a cool tone to her voice. Total nonchalance. The kind of voice that commanded respect and attention. She’d managed to gain something that Lucas had been searching for – total attention. Something told Nora that Olivia was far more important to these people than they let on. She helped them get purified water, yes, but what else had she done for them? “He’s just an asshole.” She stepped forward, held a hand up for Butch to stay where he was, and he obeyed. Nora’s eyes narrowed.

She needed to be cautious of this woman.

“You say MacCready’s in the Commonwealth?” she said.

“He is,” Nora replied.

“We’ll go back with you,” she said. “Me and Butch.”

Something shuffled from behind the counter. Nora turned to look at Gob, and he had the most depressing, longing expression on his face. She jabbed Hancock with her elbow and gestured. He glanced, nodded.

“But if we won’t scratch your back if you don’t promise to scratch ours,” Olivia continued.

“There’s always a little quid-pro-quo today,” Preston said. “We’re used to it. What do you need?”

“I want you to get rid of our slavery problem.” Olivia waited for any objections. There were none. “All right. We’ll pack our stuff. How’s leaving in a couple days sound?”

“We’re already here,” Preston said. “Why not take care of the slaver problem, first?”

“I second that notion,” said McDonough.

“Shove it up your ass,” Butch mumbled. Hancock grinned. It didn’t slip past Butch. “Fuck yeah. Tunnel Snakes rule.”

“That’s enough, Butch,” Olivia chastised. Under his breath, Butch mumbled, “Tunnel Snake.” Hadn’t Nora heard MacCready say that before? Was this really the man that he’d been parroting? Lord help her if they actually got reunited. “If what you say is true, it seems to me that the Institute’s a bigger problem than our slavers are right now. At least we’re fighting glorified raiders. You, on the other hand, have no clue what you’re up against. We’ll tackle the biggest issues first. For now, relax. Enjoy what Megaton has to offer. Most of it’s better than this shithole.” She glared at Moriarty, who grunted. It seemed as if the two had a long lasting grudge.

“All right,” Lucas said, clearing his throat. “Then that’s settled. Institute first, then the slavers. Of course, there are other issues, like super mutants. We have to figure that out.”

“Cut ‘em off at the source,” Hancock said. “Then kill the bad ones.”

“All super mutants are bad,” Amata said.

“No disrespect, lady, but you really gotta get out more.” Hancock leaned back in his seat, and Nora could practically read his thoughts: He was quite proud of what Goodneighbor was. She was certain that if an intelligent super mutant came along, one who didn’t cause problems, Hancock would let them in. Probably party with them.

Regardless, Amata didn’t say anything in response. Lucas dismissed the meeting, and as everyone began to pile out, Nora rushed to cut Olivia off. “What’s your story?” she asked. From the her place by the door, she could hear Lucas speaking to his son outside. Praising him for doing a good job and learning, because soon, he’d be in charge of this place. It made Nora feel nostalgic. She wondered, yet again, where Shaun might be.

“Right to the point?” Olivia smirked. Pride. Arrogance. It was off-putting, but Nora figured there was a reason for it. “I like that. I’m their hero, kid.” Nora figured that this woman wasn’t much older than her. Probably wasn’t even thirty yet. “Ask around. People will tell you what I’ve done.”

“There’s more than just purifying the water here?”

“Like that’s not enough?” Olivia scoffed. “Yeah, there’s more. A hell of a lot more. I busted my ass for these people. It’s not easy. You should know.” With that, she shoved past Nora. Butch followed her. The moment he was out of the building, he stretched his arms up and boasted loudly: “Tunnel Snakes rule!”

Nora watched them leave until the door swung closed behind them. She chewed on her lower lip. A familiar accented man voiced his opinion from behind her. Was it Scottish or Irish? She could never tell the difference. Part of living in an isolated, paranoid America. “That’s what you’ve got to look forward to.” She turned to face Moriarty. “Yeah, I wouldn’t be too proud either. But it takes one to know one, I guess. Gob! The fuck are you doing? Clean the counter, don’t just smudge shit around!”

“Oh, lighten up on him. The place is a wreck.” Nova took a drag from her cigarette, winked at Gob, and Moriarty grumbled on his way back to his office. Now that the meeting was over, people were beginning to come in again, ready for drinking.


	15. On New Additions and Constellations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> no i didn't forget the damned chapter title again
> 
> jfc stop accusing me

Magnolia and Daisy, bless them, did a fine job at keeping Gob from running back to Megaton. Every single time he mentioned that if he left now, he’d only be beaten within an inch of his life and not a centimeter, Magnolia would cling to his arm and marvel at what a “handsome ghoul” he was. Daisy would tease him, and Hancock, by saying Gob might be better-looking than their mayor. It wasn’t the truth, and they all knew it, but everyone appreciated the gesture. Olivia kept glancing their way, cigarette in mouth, as if ready to pounce if they mistreated Gob. Her demeanor seemed to lighten up significantly over the course of the past few days, though.

Currently, they sat around a dwindling campfire, eating mole rat meat. Thankfully those beasts attacked in groups; there had been plenty to go around. And Olivia and Butch had more than stocked up on purified water, so they had plenty for the trip. Nora felt grateful to have built up this alliance, but keeping it would be hard work. “So after we get our trade routes established,” she said, “what’s next?”

“We keep expanding,” Olivia replied. “Long after we’re dead, we’ll build more and more settlements across the nation, build up safe trade routes.”

“And encourage big government to take over again?” Hancock asked.

“No,” Nora said. “That’d be a bad move. Leave the governing to mayors. America will still be its own country, but no more hierarchy of government. That only ruins it for the individual.” Olivia wiped her mouth, stared at Nora.

“I disagree,” she said. “If you’d come from my vault, so would you.”

“If you’d come from my time, you’d understand,” Nora countered. Olivia shrugged. “You don’t like the laws of one settlement, move to another or establish your own. That’s how it should be done.” She tossed a mole rat femur over her shoulder. “Look, eliminating the nomadic way of life totally ruined our society. When we all stayed in one place, willing to obey the laws despite how much we hated it, we screwed ourselves over. It’s part of the reason we depended so much on technology. It’s part of the reason we ran ourselves dry. The agriculture business, the technology, and the stagnant lifestyle.”

“Someone sounds like she should write history books,” Olivia said. Nora frowned. “I’m not joking. If you and some of the pre-war ghouls got together and wrote up what life was like before the war, maybe we’d all understand what not to do next time.”

“Too much work,” Butch said.

“Not like you’re the one who’s going to do it,” Olivia replied. He shrugged.

Nora shifted her attention back to Gob, who seemed currently to be basking in the attention of Magnolia and Daisy. Magnolia kept offering him whisky – “Brought enough for us all, sweetheart,” she said whenever he declined. And Daisy kept the snarky comments coming, told him all about what to expect in Goodneighbor. It seemed that Gob’s fears eased with time.

Olivia followed Nora’s gaze and leaned in close. “Moriarty’s probably not going to welcome you back into Megaton now, you know.”

“That’s not his choice.”

“Gob’s his legal property. You stole from him.” Olivia shrugged. “So do it your way, and you might damn well die. He’s got a lot of friends there.”

It didn’t take Hancock nearly as long as it took Nora to catch on to what Olivia was implying. “Hang on.” He set a bottle of Buffout down on his lap, a pill in his palm, forgotten in discussion. “You’re telling me that rat bastard joined a discussion about ending slavery in the Wasteland, but he owned a slave?”

“You’ve got your Diamond City mayor,” Olivia said, “and we’ve got Moriarty. He helped me out, sure, but the guy’s an asshole. And I can promise you that he’s going to be doing what he can to keep the slave trade going, because it works for him. The guy’s got more money than his shithole of a saloon would suggest. Inherited it from his dad or some shit like that.”

Nora examined Olivia for a while, not responding. She lost track of the conversation. Olivia was pride and conceited to the point of being obnoxious, but there was an obvious compassion there that Nora recognized. Yes, she had a superiority complex, but it seemed that she hadn’t forgotten who she was helping, and why. She looked back to Gob, found symbolism in all the things they were protecting. As annoying as Olivia could be, the Lone Wanderer who boasted of all her accomplishments openly for everyone to praise her, she was just as determined to keep people safe as everyone else here. Except for Butch, it seemed, who’d said more than once that all he wanted to do was expand the Tunnel Snakes. (Hancock had mentioned, just to be a little confrontational, that Butch was too old to be in a gang, to which Butch responded that Hancock could go shove it, because “Tunnel Snakes rule!” That had tickled the ghoul mayor pink, and Butch couldn’t understand why he was laughing so hard.)

Another, quieter conversation caught Nora’s attention. She turned in her seat, looking behind her. Piper and Preston stood guard over the group, having a deep conversation between them. Preston pointed up toward the sky, and Piper followed his finger. “I don’t see it,” she said.

“Right there. Bright star. It’s how you find North.”

Piper threw her hands up. “They all look the same to me.”

“Look.” Preston stood behind her, picked up her hand, and guided it to the North Star. “There. See it now?”

“Oh, yeah. Right up there.”

“Follow it like this, and you get the Big Dipper. That one over there, that’s the Little Dipper.”

She felt a gentle jab in her ribs, and turned to see Hancock grinning at her. Nora smiled back, nodded. Bringing the world back, one bit of love at a time. She hoped that Preston’s feelings for Nora would ease, now that he was finding a bit of companionship in Piper. But it wasn’t her job to intervene and push it. She’d just watch from the sidelines to make sure it helped. Maybe she’d get Mama Murphy’s opinion on the matter, when they got back to Sanctuary. Wouldn’t be more than five days now.

“Can’t believe MacCready got out of that shitstorm,” Butch brought up. “Fuck, last time I saw him, he had a vocabulary more limited than mine.”

“Prepare to witness change,” Nora said. “The guy’s done a complete one-eighty. In that regard, at least. He’s still a force to be reckoned with.”

“Wonder if I can make a Tunnel Snake out of him,” Butch mused.

“How many do you have in your gang now?” asked Magnolia, still clinging to Gob’s arm. His eyes hinted that he was pleasantly intoxicated.

It was Olivia who answered this question. “About twenty. Several in Rivet City, some in Megaton, and a few reformed raiders. Why, Butch?”

“Because Tunnel Snakes rule,” Butch parroted. Olivia snapped her fingers as Butch popped the collar of his leather jacket. Nora smiled. What an odd pair. She wondered how long they’d been in love. They both certainly exhibited the same sort of pride in themselves. Made her wonder how they weren’t constantly fighting. Hell, maybe they were.

When would she and Hancock have her first fight? And would she back down, like she’d done with Nate? A warm arm wrapped around Nora’s shoulders, and she leaned into Hancock. She could focus on the negativity later. “All right,” he said, “change in shift. Time for me and Daisy to keep watch.” Preston and Piper heard this, sat down at the campfire, and grabbed portions of the mole rat. The two Goodneighbor ghouls took their places.

“Means it’s time for us to get some sleep,” Nora said.

“Nah. I work best at night,” Butch said.

“Last thing we need is to lose ground because your whiny ass doesn’t get enough sleep, Butch. Get to bed. Now.” Olivia’s commanding tone left no room for argument from Butch, apparently, because he moved to take up a spot on the ground, his jacket as his blanket and his pack as a pillow. Nora figured it out, then. They didn’t argue because Olivia shut it down.

They slept, but not that peacefully. It wasn’t the first time Nora didn’t have a bed or shelter, but that didn’t make it any easier. Everyone sluggishly got their things together in the morning. Hancock and Daisy took a hit of Psycho, claiming to be ready to take the day on with new energy. And by the time the hour was finished, they were off again.


	16. On Returns and Infections

When Nora returned to Sanctuary, she found it in the middle of battle. Enemies focusing on utilizing Stealth Boys, as if they realized that if MacCready couldn’t see them, his chances of getting in a head shot were lower. Settlers banded together, guns in hands – but bullets ripped through right through them. By the time Nora got her gun out, she’d witness ten of her people die. By the time she crossed the bridge, Olivia was already leaping over defensive barriers and grappling onto an unseen target. They flailed, trying to throw her off. She brought them down – brought the butt of her gun down against a face with a horrible CRACK. Bits of gore and hard plastic flew everywhere, but she didn’t stop. After each sickening crunch, a new piece of metal flew several feet before clattering next to another corpse. It drew attention away from the settlers, and Nora ran to Olivia’s side.

She barely made out a ghost of movement – an almost invisible person, moving catlike toward the Lone Wanderer. A limb extended, blurred outline reaching out to her back, until Nora tackled it down. The best thing Kellogg had even given her was his gun. Never mind that Nora had to rip it away from his corpse. It was a damn powerful gun, and at a close range, it damn near blasted a synth’s head apart. The Stealth Boy malfunctioned, and bodies flickered back into view. Nora didn’t take the time to feel the guilt at how impossibly human they’d seemed. “This a synth?” Olivia asked, breathless as she stood, gun at the ready.

“Yep,” Nora replied.

“Fuck with the Tunnel Snakes? Bad move!” Butch had managed to shove a knife deep into a synth’s gut, and while the Stealth Boy stopped working after, his target seemed barely bothered. One hand out to his neck – lifted off the ground. A loud BANG, and the synth crumpled. “Hey, man, I had it!”

“Sure you did,” MacCready said, helping Butch up.

Nora lost count of how many there were. At least twenty, coming at all different directions. Highly-skilled in combat, deadly in every single way she could imagine. But Olivia had been able to identify weak points in almost every single one. Nora covered the Lone Wanderer’s back while Olivia fought off synth after synth. When the last one fell, an eerie silence loomed over Sanctuary. Everyone seemed to breathe at once. “Welcome back,” Sturges finally said. “We would have lost everything if you hadn’t come when you did.”

Olivia busied herself with chastising Butch (“The fuck did I tell you about bringing a knife to a gunfight?”) and Preston checked pulses of settlers. Hancock stared at Nora, and she stared back. She nodded at him. Go check on Goodneighbor. Now. Hancock waved a hand. Magnolia and Daisy fell behind him. Gob followed, glancing back over his shoulder at the massacre. Not a smile in sight.

“So, recap,” Sturges said, catching his breath. “Mama Murphy said she felt danger coming our way. Couldn’t … couldn’t … Wow, okay, breathe. Okay, couldn’t tell us more without the Sight. So Jun got her some Jet, and she told us about what was coming.”

“Wait, Jun did that?”

“Guy saved our asses. He really stepped up, you know. But I imagine he’s a wreck now. Might want to go check on him. Anyway, welcome back home.”

Nora tried to ignore the sarcasm. As everyone helped clear up the bodies, she went in search of Jun. She found him at his usual spot, watching the crops. Thankfully, they hadn’t been touched in the raid. She leaned against the wall next to him. “I never meant for you to take on that kind of responsibility.” He just kept staring ahead, eyes dead and lips slightly parted. If Nora listened carefully, she could hear the rattle of shaky breathing. Trying desperately not to cry. “Jun, you saved the entire settlement.”

“That wasn’t my job,” Jun said, voice weak. “That’s your job, Nora. And when you’re not around, it’s Preston’s.” He closed his mouth, blinked once. Face went red with effort. “But I get it. You had other stuff to take care of. Off saving the world, so why should the little guys matter anymore, right? Someone had to make the call. No one else would, so I did.”

“For the record,” Nora said, “I brought back someone who can help fight the Institute. She’s tackled the Wasteland on her own, and she can help us figure out what needs to be done here. We’ve all made sacrifices, Jun. Just because I was away doesn’t mean I was on a damned road trip. I was forming powerful alliances with people who can put an end to this. Now, you did a great job protecting these people. You made the right call. But don’t, for a second, believe that I wasn’t doing what I had to do, too.” Jun waited, then nodded.

“I’m sorry,” he said, though he still refused to look at her. Silence. Then he began again. “There were so many of them. Every other night, it was a new problem. They got – they got Marcy.” His jaw went slack, eyes glazed over. “She’s in bad shape. Has been for days. We ran out of Stimpaks in the first couple of weeks. I don’t think she’s going to make it.”

“We’ll do everything we can to make sure she survives.”

“What about the others? All the others that died? What are we going to do with them?” Finally, Jun turned his gaze to her. Nora almost crumpled under the weight of his gaze.

“We’ll give them a burial,” she said. “I’ll stay up all night digging if I have to. And tomorrow, we’ll all celebrate the lives they lived.”

“There’s so much death,” Jun said. His chin quivered. He wiped at his eyes and took in a deep breath. “I need to be with Marcy. Excuse me.” He pushed past Nora, and she watched him go. She stayed there for a while, thinking, before moving back to check on the rest of Sanctuary. The bodies had been cleaned up out of the streets, and Codsworth had busied himself with washing away the blood.

“Oh, Mum, it’s the most horrible thing! Miss Marcy –”

“I heard,” Nora said. “Here’s our list of priorities Codsworth. I need you to deliver the message to everyone. You ready?”

“I am a Mister Handy, Mum. I’m always ready.” He hovered dutifully, facing her, preparing for orders.

“All children are to go indoors immediately. I want you to set up a triage center in one of these houses. In the middle of the settlement. Every able man and woman is to bring all the injured to triage. From there, everyone is to donate all chems they have on their possession to us. Then they’re to go find supplies so that we can make more. From there, you and I will treat the injured. We’ll handle the more critical cases first. That clear?”

“Yes, Ma’am. Clear as crystal. I’ll start right away.” Codsworth hovered off. “All right, got orders from Miss Nora! Kindly listen up! It’s of the utmost importance!”

Nora watched the settlers get to work before she headed back to Jun’s home. As predicted, Marcy was lying in bed, eyes closed and cheeks flushed with fever. Jun sat next to her, holding her limp hand in his palm. She breathed slowly, with the occasional hitch that showed pain. “Looks like a bad infection,” Nora said. “Has she been eating or drinking anything?” Jun shook his head, silent. “All right. I’ve got a few Stimpaks on me. It won’t fix the infection, but it should ease the pain and make it easier for her to get fluids in her. Dehydration is going to be the main threat right now. Once we get some Buffout, we should be able to combat her illness.”

“You want to dose her up with chems?” Jun asked, frowning.

“Back in my time, all sorts of drugs were used to help people heal. Like morphine. These were drugs that could also be abused. Just because chems can get people high, Jun, doesn’t mean that they can’t be used to make them better, too. Buffout’s got some strong medicinal purposes. It speeds up healing and slows down illness and injuries. We’ll alternate. Stimpak in the morning, Buffout in the afternoon, Radaway in the evening, and another Stimpak at night. She should be fine in a couple days.”

Jun watched as Nora reached into her bag, pulled out the Stimpak as promised. She handed it to him. “I need to help Codsworth with triage. I need you to stay here and look after Marcy. Can you do that, Jun?”

“Yeah,” he said, shakily taking the Stimpak from Nora.

“You saved these people,” Nora told him. “And you’re going to save your wife.” She rested a hand on his shoulder. “Your son would be proud.”


	17. On Setting the Record Straight and Sympathy

Codsworth and Nora worked overtime, and well into the early hours of the morning. She refused to sleep when so many people needed her. The condition of the place was worse than she’d assumed. For days, she worked like that – treating injuries and illnesses, and the few settlers that were fit enough to scavenge for supplies barely got a break. Thankfully, they had Butch and Olivia prepared to help. Butch raised morale with the settlers, helping them work together with the rally cry that Tunnel Snakes didn’t give up, even in the face of death. (“What about in the face of radroaches?” Olivia had asked.) Meanwhile, Olivia spent her time helping with triage and rebuilding defenses with Sturges. Days passed. Ten died in battle, and two were lost from infection. Miraculously, Marcy managed to pull through, and even paid Nora a visit in the impromptu triage center.

For a while, they stared each other down. Marcy seemed angry. Displeased. Nora was ready for the verbal assault, but it never came. “You left us,” she said.

“I already got the third degree from Jun. Come up with some new material, Marcy, or grab some Psycho and shoot Daniel up so his heart rate picks back up.” Nora turned her back on the woman, and much to her surprise, Marcy listened. She examined Psycho, then stuck it in the victim’s arm. Daniel flinched, then bolted upright. “Easy,” Nora said, patching up another settler’s wounds. “Lie back down. You may want to run now, but your leg’s still broken.”

Marcy assisted, not once complaining. When everything had finally been taken care of, Nora settled down in a chair to wait until it was time to distribute more chems. Marcy never left. She stood there, staring at Nora. And in what must have been the most difficult decision for her, she said, “You did the right thing, I guess. I’m proud of Jun.”

“You tried to stop him,” Nora replied.

“You mean with Mama Murphy? Yeah, ‘cause she doesn’t need chems.”

“Her Sight was what kept you alive, Marcy. Don’t forget that. You owe your life to her, and Jun’s decision to set his own wishes aside to protect you and the rest of the settlement. As far as I’m concerned, he’s a hero.”

“Yeah, well, tell him that. He won’t stop beating himself up over what happened. It was your fault, you know.”

“I’m aware. I pissed McDonough off. This was retaliation. A warning to stop getting involved.” Marcy scoffed, not at all surprised that Nora had made things ten times worse for everyone else.

“You know, if you’d set aside your personal vendetta for two minutes, this place might actually be safe. But no, it’s all about you finding your son. What about me and Jun? Huh? What about our safety?”

“You and Jun are two people in the Commonwealth. Me getting my son back, saving the Commonwealth – all signs point to them being in the same area. If you don’t like it, Marcy, maybe you ought to leave. Seems like you think it might be safer out there, anyway. Did I make a mistake? Yes. And I deeply regret it. But right now, I’m not focused on the past. I’m trying to figure out what we need to do.”

“Like what? Get more guns? Who’s going to want to come here, now that we’re targets? Did you think about that for two seconds, Nora? Did you stop to consider the consequences of your actions? No. Because all you think about is your own sense of self-gratification. We don’t matter to you –”

Nora slammed her hand down on a table and stood. Olivia, who’d been about to enter, stood in the doorway with a tray of freshly made Stimpaks. Nora ignored her. “Fuck you, Marcy,” she said. “I’m human, you know that? No, of course you don’t. You and the rest of the people here seem to think I’m some kind of pawn in your game. And you want to play it, don’t you? Fine. I can get down and dirty, too. Your son is dead. Just like twelve people. Was it your fault? Because you didn’t move fast enough?” Marcy glared hard, daring Nora to keep going. “Don’t you dare blame me. I’m one woman. I went out to take care of serious issues that you wouldn’t know about because you don’t have the balls to get out there and fix problems yourself. You don’t want to do it, so guess who’s left making sacrifices for you? Do you know how many people are relying on me to fix shit? It’s not just Sanctuary. It’s all of the Commonwealth. Somehow, I got handed the short stick, but the only time you’ll see me complain is when some asshole tells me I’m not doing enough. I’ll tell you the same thing I told Preston – if you want to see some change, if I’m not doing something that you want me to do, do it your-fucking-self. Jun was able to. Maybe it’s time for you to get your head out of your ass and do the same. The next time you use your son’s death as an excuse to act like a shithead toward me, I’ll remind you how much you can go fuck yourself, because never once have I blamed the world for what happened to Shaun. This is where it ends. Right here, right now. We clear?”

Marcy didn’t budge. She swelled with rage, jaw clenching. Nora stared back, daring her to say something. Daring her to strike out. Olivia walked in. “You know, she’s right, Marcy,” she said. “You’re being a real bitch. Go sit down and think about your life choices.”

“Who the fuck asked you?” Marcy asked, but she left then. Stormed right out and back to her home. Her own private house that she shared with Jun. And she acted like she didn’t get enough.

“People don’t understand sacrifice,” Olivia said. She grabbed a piece of gauze, wet it down with purified water, and wiped sweat off a settler’s forehead. “You can’t convince them all. But she’ll get it.”

“Doubt it,” Nora said. “This is the second time I’ve had to tell her how hard I’m working for everyone.”

“People live in their own narrow scope of reality. There are very few of us who can think beyond our own universe. Our minds are expansive; you know that? Millions of thoughts, running thousands of miles a second, just to get from one ear to the other. They don’t connect sometimes, but they still invade us. Emotions that consume us, from the core out, and we’re full. Too full of our own essence to take into consideration that someone else has their own universe, with their own thoughts and experiences. It takes something special to grow beyond that. Every human’s conditioned not to, but sometimes, there’s a rare breed that pops up to set themselves aside.” Olivia straightened up, cracked her back. “People like you, me, and that glorified fire hydrant of Goodneighbor.”

Nora considered this. Olivia was right. She’d seen it in Hancock, how he seemed more consumed with everyone else than he was with himself. Sure, he pretended to be self-centered, conceited, but it was all an act. There was something undeniably charming about how hard he worked for other people. Nora thought about Goodneighbor, wondered what kind of condition they were in. She hadn’t heard word from Hancock, or anyone from Goodneighbor, in days.

“What’s with you and Butch?” asked Nora. “What drew you to him?”

“Honestly?” Olivia sighed, draped the gauze over her shoulder like a towel and crossed her arms as she thought. “Not much. I thought he was hot.” Nora chuckled. “I’m serious. That’s what drew me to him first. He was a bully when we were growing up. Rude to Amata, rude to me, rude to everyone. I was nineteen when I left the vault, almost twenty by the time I’d come back, and it seemed he’d matured quite a bit. He’s always been about his stupid little gang.” One that Olivia was a part of, Nora noted. “But he was also so lonely. His mother was an alcoholic. No father figure. And his friends had abandoned him. He had no one, and he still put on this front. Like he didn’t want anyone to know how sad he was. I could relate to that.”

“So being physically attractive and sad. He sounds like quite the catch,” Nora said.

“That’s not all. The more we traveled together, the more I learned about him. He had this side to him that no one’s seen. No one could tear me apart and expose the weaker parts of me like he could. I felt like I could let loose with him. If I got angry, he got angry with me. If I got sad, he’d tell me to buck the fuck up, because there was an entire Wasteland out there that needed me. And if I was happy, he’d celebrate with me. And the sex is amazing.”

“Do you two do that dominant and submissive thing?” Nora asked.

“Of course. It helps his self-esteem.” Olivia winked. Nora grinned back, grateful that everyone inside the triage center was asleep by now and couldn’t hear their conversation. “Hey, go check up on your dumbass boyfriend. Chances are, his place got fucked up, too.”

“Probably worse than mine,” Nora agreed. She stood up. “All right. I’ll head on out, then. Take my spot, will you?”

“You know it.”

“Thanks, Olivia. You’re not as big of a shithead as I thought you’d be.”

“You’re the seventh person to tell me that today. What the fuck.”

Nora patted the Lone Wanderer on the shoulder before heading off to get her things together for her trip.


	18. On Remorse and Righting Wrongs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, come on. It can't all be happy, right? Nora's a bad bitch but you can't just roast the Institute to a synth's face and expect shit to turn out okay.

“Hancock’s sleeping,” Fahrenheit said.

“I’ll head over to Rexford, then,” Nora said.

“No. He’s upstairs.” Fahrenheit jerked her head up. “Head on up there.”

As Nora climbed the steps, she couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the most unnerving thing she’d ever observing from Hancock. Normally, he stayed at Rexford. Wanted to be part of the common man now that he wasn’t in Goodneighbor permanently. For the most part, Goodneighbor seemed okay when Nora arrived, so why was he up in the Old State House? She thought of his wordless departure, and while Nora hadn’t thought much about it then, she got the sneaking suspicion that he was upset with her. It wasn’t like him to not vocalize his concerns, though.

Something was up. Something bad. Something that, Nora figured, was prompting Hancock to think about staying. Without alerting Nora beforehand.

Nora got as far as the couch before she was stopped by a familiar ghoul. “Hancock’s not taking visitors – Oh. It’s you.”

“Good to see you, Gob. You like it here so far?”

“Could have arrived under better circumstances,” he replied. “But Hancock’s the best. Treats me much better than Moriarty. He pays me twenty-five caps an hour, even. Eight hours a day.”

“That’s steep, even for Hancock.”

“He says if I do well the first month, he’ll give me a ten cap raise. Isn’t he the greatest? I can’t believe I didn’t want to leave Megaton. And that Magnolia – she’s something else. The voice of an angel. Every time I stop by The Third Rail, she’s always buying me drinks, making sure I have a good time. She sings to me.”

“I’m glad you like it here, Gob. Can I go in and see Hancock?”

“Yeah. He said to let you through if you came by.”

“He did? How come he never came back if he wanted to see me?”

Gob frowned. “I wish I could tell you,” he added, “but Hancock said he wanted to tell you himself once you came around.”

Fuck. That didn’t sound good. Nora nodded, tried to swallow the bile rising in her throat and walked past Gob to get to the bedroom. As predicted, Hancock lie there, fully clothed, booted feet crossed at the ankles. One hand under his head, the other spinning a canister of Jet in his fingers as he stared blankly up at the ceiling. Nora closed the door behind her carefully, trying not to make too much noise. “You mad at me, John?” she asked. He stopped spinning the Jet, looked up at her. Weary eyes, expression impassive. No act to put on for her, like he did for Goodneighbor. No pretending that he was okay. She wanted to join him, hold him, but she remained a respectable distance at the door in case that he didn’t want her to get any closer.

Considering how he hadn’t come to see her, how he hadn’t tried to reach out to her, Nora had no other thought in her head but things were going south. Just because Goodneighbor seemed okay didn’t mean that it was. The Institute had waged war on Sanctuary. Who was to say they didn’t do the same to Goodneighbor, now that McDonough knew all about Hancock? Hancock was, technically, a major threat to them now. And because of McDonough’s association with him, it might have put them on edge. Nora doubted that McDonough was of a high enough rank to really be that important to the Institute, but if Hancock had any potential to blow their cover, they’d surely come after him.

And it would be Nora’s fault. Because Marcy was right. She couldn’t keep her temper in check and had to go and do the stupid thing. Had to go and scare McDonough and threaten something bigger than her. And now Hancock was feeling the ramifications, because he’d gotten involved in her life. Because she’d promised him that everything would be okay, because she’d led him to believe that he wouldn’t get hurt. Maybe she misled him into thinking her edges weren’t rough, that she would handle him with care. But she’d done everything wrong. And as a result, the place he cared about the most had to face the consequences. He’d blame himself, and everyone close to him would insist that it was Nora’s fault. That she was the one to blame.

No one seemed hostile toward her, though, but maybe that was by Hancock’s wishes. That he was the one to break the news to her. Not Fahrenheit, not Gob. It had to be from him. Because that was the kind of man Hancock was. He was the kind of man who took care of his own issues. Who took care of Goodneighbor.

“I risked everything,” Nora said quietly. “I get it. I put the Commonwealth in danger. I put you and Goodneighbor in danger. I’m sorry.” He didn’t say anything. Just kept staring at her. “I’m sorry, John. And I deserve that. I deserve the guilt that doesn’t work in my favor.” More silence followed. “Say something. I don’t care what you say, but say something. Tell me to leave if you want. I will, and I won’t come back.”

And Nora meant it. She’d go back to the vault, she’d sit by Nate’s corpse, and she’d cry. Cry for a million years if she had to. She’d lift her hands to God and pray that He, at least, could forgive her. She’d beg to whatever being in power she needed to, would hope that she’d done enough to at least warrant consideration for Heaven. And she’d waste away like that, fully aware of how little she meant, and all the damage she’d done. The hubris had gotten to her. She deserved to live as an example of what happened when someone lets pride consume them. What happens when they believe that they’re bigger than the Commonwealth and the threats within, all because they’d been doing okay up until that point.

“It all comes crashing down eventually, doesn’t it, Nora?”

She felt her chin quiver. Eyes watered. He didn’t get up to comfort her. He just stayed like that. “You feel nice and bad about what happened?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” He went back to staring at the ceiling. “Remember that, the next time you try to make things more complicated.” Nora couldn’t help it. She broke down. She covered her face in her hands and slid down the door, sobbing like a lost child. Still no comfort.

This continued for several minutes. She lost track of time. Half an hour must have passed before she felt okay enough to stop crying. She sat, back against the door, legs out in front of her, arms in her lap and eyes gazing at the floor like she could see beyond it. She hiccuped. “I’m so sorry.”

“And you should be,” Hancock replied. No offer for forgiveness. Nora had taken that kindness of his for granted. “Still haven’t heard what you’re going to do about it, though.”

“I’m waiting for you to tell me,” she said. “I don’t know what you want me to do, John.” He didn’t say anything. Nora waited, but absolute silence on his end. She felt so sick. Like she wasn’t even alive anymore. Nora had seriously miscalculated her jump off that cliff. Landed on the rocks, and not in the water.

She should have known. She should have known it from the stories, and from the way he carried himself. Nora had been so enamored with all the positive things about Hancock that she couldn’t see his flaws. He was terrifying. That was the only way to describe it. Unforgiving and cold once you’ve wronged him. And it all came to Nora, wearing death’s cloak with skeletal hands reaching out to her to welcome her to reality. She’d been so alive, basking in his endless patience that she didn’t realize his patience wasn’t entirely for her. It was for moments like this. He knew that something like this would happen, but he still forgave her until it all came down around them. Because he wanted her to feel, raw and dirty, the repercussions.

Nora sobbed. She drew a pattern on the floor with her finger. Hancock was waiting for Nora to sacrifice lives for the sake of her own pride. And that was something he could never stand for. She knew it. But she still loved him. Because this? This was on her. He was right. She deserved to feel this. She deserved to feel raw and opened up and exposed for the traitor she was. She swallowed. “I can’t fix it,” she finally said. “I rushed into the good feelings, a tornado, and I came up buried underneath the chaos I left behind. I can’t fix that. But I’ll do what I can to rebuild it, John.” Nora stood. Finally looked up at him. She saw that he was looking at her again, too, from underneath the shadow of his hat. “I can’t rely on you to fix all my problems.”

Hancock, on his best behavior at Megaton, despite sitting mere feet away from his estranged brother. Trying his damnedest not to act out. Preaching that it would only make matters worse, because it was true. But also because McDonough was Nora’s problem now. She’d made him her problem. And Hancock couldn’t fix it. He couldn’t fix the emotional turmoil that her marriage had left her in. He couldn’t fix her low self-esteem that sexist pre-war America had beaten into her. He couldn't fix the settlers at Sanctuary demanding that she take on the world. He couldn’t fix any of it. That’s what Nora had to come to terms with. He hadn’t fixed any of her problems. He’d simply talked her through them.

“I can’t fix this, but I can rebuild it.” Nora took in a deep breath, thinking through things carefully. Eyes closed. Calculating each movement. Balance. Boundaries. Teaching the world not to fuck with her, instead of presenting it as a challenge. “I’m going to take back the Commonwealth, one settlement at a time. And it starts with McDonough, ends with the Institute. And this time, I’m not dragging anyone down with me.”

She waited for a response. It seemed like forever before Hancock spoke. “Here I was, thinking you wouldn’t get it through your thick head,” he said. “It’s fine to be pissed off, Nora. Fuck, that’s how I get through life. But there comes a point when you can’t bring the world down around you because you can’t control where your rage flies.”

“I know.”

“Good. As long as you get it.” More silence. This was going to be the end of Nora if he kept this up. She just wanted to get some closure. “You coming over here, or not?” he finally asked, and she stood still. Frankly, she wasn’t sure that she wanted to. She was angry at herself, and the last thing she wanted was to be close to the person that had made her feel that way. The thought made her feel sick with herself. Like she was going to be touching something tainted. “What, like you have the privilege of getting pissed off at me now, of all times?” Hancock sat up, drew up one knee and rested his elbow on it.

“I don’t understand you, that’s all,” Nora said. “You scare me.”

“Enough to keep you away?” Nora nodded. “That’s why no one fucks with Goodneighbor, Nora. Now you know.”

“That’s why your enemies don’t fuck with Goodneighbor, John.”

“So which side are you on?”

“I don’t want to be your enemy.”

Hancock slowly lifted himself off the bed. Try as she might, Nora couldn’t force herself to watch as he approached her. “Why?” he asked her. “Because you’re scared of me? Or because you love me?” Nora could tell by his tone that it was a rhetorical question. He stopped once he was before her, blocking her view of the floor with his shoulder. “You still want this, sister, you need to get used to this. Because I don’t care who it is. I made an enemy out of my own flesh and blood because of what he’d done. I’m willing to do it again to anyone else. Are we clear?” Nora nodded. She couldn’t breathe. If he decided to take her out now, would she even fight back? “The only difference between the two of you right now is that you’re willing to make it right. And that’s something I can get behind.” He gripped her chin, slowly turned her head to face him. She remembered back to their first night together, when he’d picked her up so effortlessly. She thought to the way he’d so ruthlessly stabbed Finn, so fast she couldn’t count the wounds. He could do her in, right now, and she wouldn’t have a chance to fight back even if she wanted to. “This time, it was you getting ahead of yourself. Next time, it’s going to be something else.”

“No, it won’t,” Nora insisted, suddenly quite afraid.

“Yeah, it will. Because we all make mistakes. Over and fucking over again. I’m a shining example of that, and now so are you. You’re not above that. And hell, it’s fine if you make mistakes. If you cross a line, I’ll let you know.” Nora didn’t want him to let her know. Not if it resulted in this mess. “As I said, you wanna make it right. As long as you got that going for you, I'm willing to give you a million second chances. I’m willing to forgive you.” Nora started crying again, heavy and not quite sure if she was relieved or felt unworthy of forgiveness. He carefully wiped the tears from her face. “But if you make this mistake again, if you put people in danger because you're too focused on your own pride, I want you to know now that I won’t be resolving the issue by talking you through it.” Nora nodded, lifted her hands to dry her face with her palms. Over and over again, because the tears just wouldn’t stop coming.


	19. On Jealousy and Making Amends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [whispers into the wind] c o c k h a n d s

Despite Hancock’s insistence that it was perfectly fine if she slept in the Old State House with him, Nora rented a room at Rexford for some personal space to think through things. She kept reaching the same conclusions over and over again – that she’d messed up, and she’d done the wrong thing. Unable to sleep, she roamed Goodneighbor, spoke with the drifters there. “Yeah, Goodneighbor got hit pretty hard. Fahrenheit’s a bad bitch, though. Kicked their asses. Synths are gonna learn to stop fucking with this town,” said a drifter by the name of Linda.

“So there were no casualties?”

“Not on our end, no.” Linda lit up a cigarette. “Hancock’s been pissed about what happened for days, though. Stays locked up in the Old State House like a ghost in the attic. Won’t come down for anything. I think he blames himself.”

And Nora figured that much was true. Of course he blamed himself. Blamed himself for encouraging her to always speak her mind, blamed himself for his endless patience with her, blamed himself for pretending that she could do no wrong. Nora, however, didn’t blame him one bit. Didn’t blame him for what happened, and didn’t blame him for showing her what kind of terrifying man he could really be.

Perhaps to the average onlooker, she should have run away. She should have ended it and left him there and never came back. But Nora didn’t see herself as a victim of Hancock’s wrath. He had been perfectly entitled to the way he reacted to her. Nora knew, coming into this relationship, the one thing in people he would not tolerate: Making life harder for the people just trying to get by. And Nora had not only done that. She’d taken him for granted. She’d acted out in the worst way possible. Not only had her actions resulted in two settlements being attacked – two that she knew of, at least – but it must have felt like a massive betrayal to Hancock. Whenever he saw Nora come back to Goodneighbor that morning to check up on him, he must have seen a woman who took advantage of him, who never took him seriously, who thought she was the exemption to his personal moral code.

Nora deserved what happened. She deserved every ounce of it. And while she still felt miserable, she decided that there wasn’t any time to waste, letting misery consume her. Hancock was right. She wanted to rebuild what she’d done, and that meant that she was worth redemption. According to his code, and according to hers. She’d make countless more mistakes, but none nearly as severe as this. She was determined to show him that she wasn’t like others. That she wouldn’t let her pride get the better of her.

She was determined to go back and apologize to Marcy. And to ignore any encouragement Olivia gave her from that point on. Olivia may be an inspiration, but it was certainly for all the wrong reasons. She was arrogant to a fault, and while she may have saved people, she didn’t care about the indirect ramifications of her actions. If someone got upset by what she said, or if a settlement got slaughtered in revenge, then what did it matter to her? At least she’d said what she wanted, and that must mean that she’s staying true to herself, right?

Nora didn’t want to be like that.

She stood outside the Old State House with Fahrenheit, having not slept at all since her arrival to Goodneighbor, and Fahrenheit kindly pointed out that Nora “looked like shit.”

“You know,” Nora said in response, “I always wanted to be more like you.” Fahrenheit didn’t respond. She just shrugged, as if the sentiment was only to be expected. Who wouldn’t want to be more like her, right? “And I thought to do that, I had to say whatever the hell I could to make people afraid of me. But I get it now. That’s not what it’s about, is it?”

“Not in the least,” Fahrenheit replied. “It’s about making calculated moves so that the risks are all carefully considered.”

“Yeah,” Nora said. “That’s what I found out.”

“He’s not mad at you anymore, you know.” Fahrenheit folded her arms across her chest, looked at Nora. “You look shocked now, but that’s just because you don’t know him like I do. Trust me, you’re not the only one to royally fuck things up. Remember Bobbi?”

“Yeah.”

“If you hadn’t killed her, and if she’d have apologized and changed her ways, he would have let things go back to the way they were. Would have been friends with her, probably would have shared his shit with her since she wanted it so badly. Hell, I fucked up several times. Hancock doesn’t judge people by the mistakes they make. He judges them by how eagerly they’re willing to make amends.”

“He scared the shit out of me last night,” Nora admitted. “I’m not sure if things can go back to normal after that.”

“Yeah, well, he’s in love with you. You were two seconds away from breaking his heart. Look, word of advice – Hancock’s not that well-versed with romantic relationships. He fucks like a god, but everything beyond that? It goes over his head.” Nora tried to fight the seething jealousy at imagining what kind of past he and Fahrenheit must have had, for her to admit something like that. Then she remembered the proposal for the threesome, and her jealousy sank to uncertainty. Was he regretting Nora? Would he prefer Fahrenheit? “I never thought about it, really. Not my place to. But I guess he got real fucking scared when Goodneighbor got attacked, and you were the cause of it. He thought you betrayed him.”

“I get that. I do. I mean, I’ve thought a lot about that,” Nora admitted.

“Frankly, I’m not sure you’re not playing games with him. But I figure if I swing a good death threat or two your way, you’ll keep your ass in line enough for it to not matter.” Nora didn’t doubt for a moment that Fahrenheit would carry through with that threat, too. “So he may forgive you now, but I’m not so kind. It’s good enough for me to consider a clean slate, but I’m keeping an eye on you before it becomes reality. We clear on that?”

“Yes.”

“All right. We’re done here, then.” As if Fahrenheit had started the conversation, she’d decided that it was over. Without another word, she walked off, making her rounds around Goodneighbor. Nora glanced up at the balcony that Hancock often delivered his speeches from, expecting to reminisce about his overwhelming presence as a leader. At first, she thought her daydreams were so intense that she was a master at picturing him as actually there.

But no. There he stood, on the balcony, bent over it to watch her. He grinned, opened up his hand to wave, and Nora barely caught sight of something tiny coming down at her. She caught it before it hit the floor. An orange Mentat. At first, she was confused. But then she was angry. Then back to confused. By the time she looked up again, Hancock was gone. With a heavy sigh, Nora went inside, climbed the steps, and carefully stepped behind the couch so as to not disturb Gob, who’d passed out on the ruined cushions. She entered the bedroom, finding Hancock lounging easily on the bed. “You’re acting like nothing happened,” she said.

“The body forgets, but the mind doesn’t,” Hancock replied. “Got you up here, anyway.” Nora scoffed.

“I need some time to think about things, John.”

“Yeah, well, you’re not the only one who was fucked up by your choices, Nora. You owe me some time.” He was right, and goddamn it pissed her off. “Hey, be as mad as you want. Everyone warned you I was as manipulative as they come, love. I’ll use this against you as long as it benefits me.”

“This isn’t a joke. Stop treating it like it is.”

Hancock threw his hands up. “All right,” he said, letting them fall back to his sides on the mattress. “I’ll take it seriously.”

“Thank you.” And she waited. He said nothing. He just stared at her, amusement in his smile and eyes glinting with expectation. He folded his hands over his belly. “Well?”

“I said what I had to last night. It’s done and over with.” Nora sighed and rubbed at her forehead.

“You can’t expect everyone to move at your emotional pace. It’s not done and over with to me. I ruined a lot. I almost ruined everything.”

“Yeah, and? Listen, if I can’t get through to you, and if your hero Fahrenheit can’t, then I hate to break it to you, but you’re gonna be miserable forever. I know you well enough to know that you’ll wallow in self-misery until someone pulls you out.”

“I’m not taking the Mentat.”

“Then give it back.” He held out a hand, wriggling his fingers. Nora’s fist tightened around the chem and she shook her head. Another grin from Hancock, and like lightning, he was on his hands and knees on the bed. “Guess I’ll have to come get it, then,” he said, slowly climbing off.

“John, don’t.” But despite her protests, he kept advancing. Slow, carefully, like he was playing a game. “I will throw it out the window.”

“I’ll jump after it.”

“You have a problem.”

“Damn right I do.” Before she could react, he was on her. Instinctively, she turned her back to him, shoulders scrunched up and hands to her chest. He wrapped his arms around her, grabbing at her wrists. She didn’t give up, but he was relentless. He laughed into her ear – careless, free, and Nora’s heart melted with her body. The Mentat dropped to the ground as her palm opened, and she went limp. The sudden weight of her body pressed against him, Hancock fell back, Nora lying on him and sobbing.

He’d changed from angry to playful in the course of a night. And in the course of a second, he’d gone from playful to empathetic, stroking Nora’s hair. She stayed like that for some time, crying into his chest until his clothes became uncomfortably wet. Finally, she rolled off of him and sat up, wiping tears from her face. He stared up at her. She stared back down. Hit his shoulder, laughed through the sobbing. “Fuck you, Cockhands,” she said.

“I mean, that was the goal, but I’ll settle for this,” Hancock said, and Nora rolled her eyes.


	20. On Choking and Love Taps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> obligatory smut chapter since it's been [checks] 11 chapters now  
> choking and dirty talk and angry sex and some humor for you  
> i mean sex is funny  
> anyone who says it isn't is wrong  
> just think about that one time you lost your virginity and try not to cringe  
> and for those virgins out there think of the most embarrassing smut you've ever read  
> if you thought of this one -- accurate  
> it's pretty bad  
> i mean i couldn't keep it together writing this shit so why should you be forced to read it with a straight face am i right?

Nora didn’t need Fahrenheit to know that Hancock was, indeed, a damned idol in bed. He reminded her enough of that all on his own, with his rough body moving against hers like a goddamn miracle from Hell. While she couldn’t speak for Hancock, Nora was entirely sober, and she found herself grateful that their first time together had been under the influence of Mentats and new experiences. Because now she could compare the magic between the two so accurately and appreciate both experiences for their individual worth.

Hancock whispered into her ear – little things that made her swoon, like, “God, I love you.” Then there were the other things he said. Like when he was up on his knees, Nora using her legs to lift her hips and grind against him. He really liked that. Threw his head back, hands roaming up her torso as she circled his hips against him. And he’d moan, and tell her she was the hottest thing he’d ever seen. “Fuck, I love you like this,” he said, looking back down at her, “letting go for me. Damn, babe, if you could see it.” And she couldn’t respond, because she could see the exact desperation she felt for Hancock in the way he looked at her. It took the words right out of her mouth. He dragged his fingers down her body, scarred digits tugging at her skin painfully as he pushed deeper into her, hitting new depths that she had no idea existed.

Nora whined – actually whined, which she thought women only did in cheesy romance novels – and her legs almost gave out. “Fuck, John.” He did it again – hit that same spot, groaned deep in his throat at her reaction. “Harder.” And instead of obliging, he just lowered himself back over her, moving so painfully slow that Nora figured he hadn’t heard her. “Please, harder.”

“You can beg better than that,” he said, and Nora could tell from the tone of his voice that he just had the biggest, smuggest grin on his face.

Nora couldn’t express just how badly she wanted it. To feel every edge of him against her, to feel the raw power she knew he had in every single lithe muscle on his body. But dammit, she was going to try to put it into words. “I want to hurt,” she finally said. He moaned against her neck before biting down. Teasing. Light. No, she wanted more than that, and he knew it. “John,” she protested.

“Work for it, baby. Come on.”

The idea of it humiliated her. It really did. And he knew it, too, the bastard. He got off on it. “Punish me, please.” Barely audible, and again, she was concerned he didn’t hear it. But he must have, because he was up on his knees again, one hand on her waist at the other sliding up her body – palm flat against her stomach, chest, then wrapping slowly around her throat. The lightest of pressure, and it still wasn’t enough. Nora’s lips parted to tell him that she needed more, but she didn’t get a chance, because suddenly, she could barely breathe. John’s grip on her throat had tightened so quickly that she had to struggle to plan her breathing, just so she didn’t pass out from lack of air. That's what she wanted. She panted carefully, thighs parting wider, and he kept that same slow pace, eyes glued to her face to watch each part of her. She wrapped a hand around his wrist, but didn’t try to fight it off. It was just to hold on, because something in his eyes hinted that she’d need it.

She wasn’t wrong.

Always unpredictable, Hancock’s shift in pace shocked her to the point where she almost forgot that she had to breathe, too. Her attention constantly alternating between the pleasure, pain, and lack of air, Nora found herself emerged in multiple sensations at once and she didn’t think she wanted to come out at all. Hancock put his weight on her throat, keeping her pinned and making it more difficult for her to breathe. Both of her hands reached out to him, but he swatted them away. So she reached back to grab at the pillow – anything to grip.

“This what you wanted, Nora?” he growled. A weak noise in response from her throat. His other hand came to grip her hair, to pull her head back more. He leaned in close, breath hot against her cheek as he laughed, a mixture of euphoria and sex-induced rage. “Bitch like you, glutton for punishment. It’s like you were made to be under me.” She managed a moan, and he took this as a sign that she was breathing too easily. He squeezed tighter. And while he went back to that same, antagonizing slow pace, he pushed inside her so hard in made her whole body jerk. He laughed again. “Fuck, I love this. Watching you tear yourself apart for me. It’s like my own little slice of Heaven. Right here, buried in your skin.”

Nora’s back arched, an open invitation to dig deeper. He obliged, circling his hips and eliciting a nice, strangled noise from her bruised throat. He stayed like that, forcing himself deeper and deeper into her with each thrust. That, with one hand in her hair and the other clutching at her throat like his life depended on it would have been enough, but then he just had to make the most beautiful noise she’d ever heard right in her ear. When Hancock moaned, it was like a distant roll of thunder, the kind of thing that sent sparks in Nora’s stomach and set her body on fire. And here he was, doing it over and over again, breathing heavy like he couldn’t keep up with his own body. Nora couldn’t take it anymore. She tapped at his wrist, and even though it took him a moment to register what she wanted, he let go of her throat. Followed it up with a desperate kiss, swallowing every noise she made until she rolled the both of him over. With Hancock on his back and Nora straddling his hips, she could finally set the pace that she wanted. And not once did he object.

He pivoted his hips up to meet hers, fingers gripping her ass just to keep himself steady. A true sign that the tables had turned, Hancock arched his neck. “Fuck, babe. Just like that.”

It wasn’t until she heard the echo of the smack that Nora realized she’d gotten carried away with herself. She stopped moving. So did he. He stared up at her, shock written on his face in like a neon sign and her entire face went red. “Oh my god,” she whispered. “John, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean – oh my god.”

“Did you just slap me?”

“John, oh my god. I wasn’t thinking. Oh my god, I’m so embarrassed. Oh fuck.”

“Holy shit. Do it again.”

“What?”

“Do it again.”

Nora paused, waiting to see if he was joking or not. By the way his grip tightened on her ass, and how his hips jerked up into her, he wasn’t. Carefully, Nora let the palm of her hand tap against his face. “For fuck’s sake,” Hancock groaned. “The fuck, Nora? I fucking choked you and all I get is a love tap?” She tried again, harder this time. It was enough to force his head back, but he still wasn’t satisfied. He opened his mouth to complain again, and Nora cut him off – damn near knocked his head off this time. Once again, it shocked him into stillness. And Nora, despite how he’d been egging her on, figured that she probably went too far, until – “Fuck. Don’t stop. Ride me.” And she did. His fingertips bruised her back, her hips, her thighs, and those noises he made almost made her come undone.

She’d been told by countless others that Hancock had the stamina of a damn stallion, and while she didn’t doubt them, it certainly shocked her to find out how long he could really go. She lost count of how many times she came, with his fingers pressed against her clit and his voice growling at her to let go for him. Around the fifth time, her orgasms came with a bit of pain that only intensified the pleasure, and she couldn’t fight the tears leaking from her eyes. She apologized at first, but Hancock – bless his soul – didn’t misinterpret them as anything beyond an being overwhelmed by the stimulation. “Always thought that shit was hot,” he said to her. And as if to prove a point, he pushed her to another orgasm, rubbing at her clit until she was screaming into his shoulder and begging. For an end or for more, she wasn’t sure, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t relent, and Nora realized he really was enamored in having that kind of power over her.

By the time he came, growling like he’d gone feral, Nora’s Pip Boy said that two hours had passed since they’d started taking off their clothes. She weakly reattached the thing to her arm, then fell limp onto the bed. Her face felt raw and hot, and her throat hurt – from his fingers and from all the screaming she’d done. She heard the faint click of a lighter and smelled the smoke. Nora reached over and grabbed the cigarette, sucked it into her mouth, into her lungs, and promptly coughed it up.

“How the hell can you smoke this?” she asked him, handing it back.

“Because I’m a bad boy, clearly.” He accepted the cigarette, put it between his lips, and lie next to her, staring up at the ceiling.

“I can’t believe I hit you.” Hancock chuckled. “I can’t believe you liked it.”

“Hey, I told you I was into a lot of stuff. Want me to hit you next time?” Totally serious.

“You’d probably rip my head off.”

“Well, that’s true.” At least he wasn’t denying it. “It’s easy to lose control sometimes.”

“Because you’re a ghoul?”

“Nah,” Hancock said. “I mean, that contributes. But it’s always been an issue.”

“I wouldn’t consider that an issue.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Freak.”

“As good as this was, I really don’t want make up sex to be a regular part of our schedule,” Nora finally admitted. “I didn’t like what led up to it.”

“Yeah, me neither. But hey, you want to go around pretending to be a bad girl for my benefit, don’t let me hold you back.” Nora turned to look at him, and he grinned back. “What?”

“You’d know if I was pretending. It would lose its appeal.”

“Nah. Not if I surprised you by giving you more than you deserve.”

“Is that a promise?” Nora asked.

“Babe, that’s a goddamn threat. You do anything to piss me off for the sake of a good fuck, I’m damn well gonna make sure you won’t be using your legs for a week after.”

Nora hesitated. “That … that should turn me on, right?”

“Does it?”

“Well. Yeah.”

“Then you’re just the kind of freak I’ve been waiting my whole life for.”


	21. On Planning and Having Doubts

Hancock frowned in disapproval at Nora, but she stood tall. It had been three weeks since their argument, and she’d carefully planned it all. Every last thing. Right down to the number of bullets they’d need to get this done, quickly and efficiently. “You’re gonna regret this, love,” he warned her.

“Can you say, with complete certainty, that I won’t let myself get in my own way if I go to the Institute myself?” Nora asked.

“You’ll regret it. That’s what matters.”

“No, John. What matters is that I do the right thing. Look, remember what Olivia said? Shaun’s most likely involved in the Institute now, and not in the kind of way we’d approve of.”

“She might be wrong.”

“Listen to me,” Nora said. She leaned over his desk to get as close as possible. Fahrenheit stood behind the mayor, arms folded across her chest as she watched the exchange. “If it can’t be absolutely guaranteed that I won’t put my own needs before the Commonwealth, I’m not going to do it.”

Hancock sighed, moved to the window to gaze out on the streets of Goodneighbor. Nora glanced at Fahrenheit, saw the woman carefully watching her. “Ever consider that he might be one of the bad guys?” Hancock suggested. Nora didn’t answer that. Of course she’d considered it. It was always front and center in her brain. “What if they have to kill him, Nora?”

“Then it’s better that way,” Nora replied. He didn’t budge from his place by the window. “You dissociated from your brother, John. I can afford to do the same to my son if he’s the enemy. That’s how it works out here. I have to set aside my own feelings for the sake of everyone else. Just because it’s not fair to me doesn’t mean that I’m going to ruin everyone else as a result. I’m through with that.”

“You sound determined,” Fahrenheit commented.

“I am,” Nora replied. “One hundred fucking percent. Olivia’s got a god complex, but she’s capable of handling the Institute. She found out how to get in faster than any of us could have. She can take care of it while we seize Diamond City.”

Hancock’s bodyguard moved forward. “So, what do you plan to do after you take over Diamond City?” she asked. Hancock remained impossibly silent, terribly still. Nora tried to ignore it.

“We put in a new mayor,” Nora replied. “Someone who can actually guarantee the safety of the citizens. Once the Institute’s fallen, it’ll leave a hole that people will be rushing to fill for the sake of money and power. I’m thinking it should be Piper.”

“Nah. Too hotheaded for the job.” Hancock pulled away from the window, finally, and returned to the conversation. “She’d raise so much hell that it would practically beg for enemies to take her out.”

“I agree,” Fahrenheit said. “You might consider it.” She looked dead center at Nora.

“I can’t. I’ve got Sanctuary.”

“Garvey can handle Sanctuary,” Hancock said. “You’re ready to accept that your son might be public enemy number one. You might as well be ready to accept that you’re more suited for keeping Diamond City safe than you are the place you lived in before the war. Might be better for you, too, without all the memories of your family. Without the vault right there.”

“It’d put you much closer to Hancock,” Fahrenheit added. Nora frowned. Proximity to Hancock wasn’t her priority. She liked being around him, yes, but she wanted to make the right choice. She wasn’t sure that she was the right fit for a settlement as large as Diamond City.

Still, there they were, the three of them. And even Fahrenheit seemed to think Nora had what it takes.

“We have to actually get past security before we get far enough to implement a new mayor,” Nora said, changing the subject. “No one’s going to be welcome back in. Even Piper’s been shot at. For real this time. They’re holding her sister hostage. I can’t reach Nick. I can’t get news from anyone, but I’m assuming the place is far from what it used to be.”

“Good,” Hancock said. “It means they’re scared. McDonough’s slipping. Won’t be long before he messes up.”

“They’re not letting anyone in or out, John. That’s the point I’m trying to make.”

“Then that means that their economy won’t last long,” Hancock replied. “They can’t get food, supplies, water – the place is probably filling over with riots. We just have to wait for the right time to sneak in around the chaos. When are Olivia and Butch heading into the Institute?”

“Tomorrow,” Nora replied.

“Well, shit. Doesn’t give us much time, does it?” Hancock asked. “Not if we want to go with your simultaneous attack plan.”

“It’s the only way,” Nora said. “Diamond City is the single most important place in the Commonwealth for the Institute. If we cut off the head, and prevent the hydra from growing more immediately, we’re fixing the problem without giving it a chance to repair itself. We’ll have to find a way.”

“Without sacrificing the manpower we need to protect our settlements in the process,” Fahrenheit said.

“Which means I’m going to Diamond City alone,” Nora replied.

“Fuck that,” Hancock said. “If anyone takes McDonough down, it’s gonna be me. I waited long enough.”

“Goodneighbor needs you here, John. Because I guarantee you that it and Sanctuary will be the first targets once the Institute gets desperate enough to snuff its problems out. We need every available gun to protect the people.”

“She’s right,” Fahrenheit said. “When the Institute gets attacked, what’s the first thing they’re going to do? Come for us. Get rid of the problem at the source, just like we’re doing to them. We have to meet them here, distract them while she takes down Diamond City, so that when they retreat to the only other place they think is safe, they’ll find that they have nowhere to run.”

“Then we can corner them,” Nora said.

“I’m getting chills,” Fahrenheit said. “You’re better at this than I would have given you credit for.”

Nora looked at Hancock, saw the distant look in his eyes. “There’s an alternative,” Nora said. He glanced up at her. “I stay here. Fight for Goodneighbor. You go take Diamond City in my place. If you can manage to slip past the anti-ghoul security, who’s going to be keeper a bigger eye out for you than they are for me.”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take,” Hancock replied. 

“You’ll be alone,” Nora added. “Every Minuteman is going to be protecting settlements across the Commonwealth during this process. It’s the riskiest thing you’ve ever done. Are you sure?”

“Goddamn positive.”

“All right. Then here’s the deal. Once the fighting here stops, I’ll meet you at Diamond City. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to hold the fort down and make sure no one tries to take charge that shouldn’t be at the top. All right?”

“You got it, babe.”

They dismissed the meeting, and Fahrenheit left to inform the people of Goodneighbor about the upcoming battle. Nora stayed behind with Hancock, who hadn’t moved since Nora said he’d be the one taking her place in Diamond City. “I’m fine with not getting a final goodbye with Shaun,” Nora said. “I know you’re worried, but if what Olivia says is true – none of it matters anymore.”

“It’s like looking in a goddamn mirror,” Hancock said. “Can’t say I’m pleased with it.”

“The sacrifices you made were noble,” Nora replied. “If I can’t say the same about myself, what kind of message am I sending to the Commonwealth? That I’m more important than they are? I’m not willing to stand for that, John. Neither are you. I’m doing it right this time. My own personal feelings, set aside, for the sake of everyone else.”

“Yeah, well.” Hancock stood up straight. “From personal experience, you’ll want to kill yourself.” The thought hit her like one of her law books – heavy, hard, and too much information to process. “You’ll hate everything about yourself, love. You won’t get the thought out of your head that you could have changed him. Just a fair warning.”

Nora considered this for a moment, then shook her head. She stepped around the desk, stood next to the ghoul mayor. “What’s the next step, then, John?” she asked. He didn’t answer immediately, but that’s okay. She would wait an eternity for him to figure it out.

“You make the change yourself. Out of respect for what he could have been.”

“That’s right. Don’t forget that.”

He looked at her like he was going to have a hard time remembering, and she was beginning to lose faith.


	22. On Coups and Loss

A synth fell next to Nora, shortly before she heard the crack of the gun that did it. The streets were already littered with corpses, but they just kept coming – wave after wave, piling through the door like the Institute had built up an army for situations like this. Blood covered Nora’s body and dripped into her eyes, and she wasn’t sure where hers began and ended because she’d taken enough lives today to be swimming in death. Thankfully, Fahrenheit was a particularly gifted shot, and managed to watch the Sole Survivor’s back like a hawk.

For the first hour, they managed to keep hold, but the synths just kept coming. Just kept mowing defenses down and pushing them further back into the city. Nora shot one dead before he managed to storm the Old State House. “Push back!” Nora cried.

“The fuck you think we’re trying to do?” shouted a ghoul named Oswald. Stupid name, but hell, the Neighborhood Watch would be nothing without him, Nora had learned.

She was running out of ammo, and fast. As powerful as Kellogg’s gun was, it drained bullets. When she fired her last one, panic settled in like a drifter that just refused to pay rent. Her eyes flickered from one synth to the next, watching as they quickly blended into the scenery. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all. Nora took in a deep breath, and she ran for it, praying that Fahrenheit wouldn’t take her eye off her target, even for a second. She ran for the quickest synth first, a stealthy woman with dark blond hair and deadly gray eyes. The synth raised her gun, and Nora raised a fist. In the chaos of battle, no one came to help either of them, and Nora realized that synthetic men and women could endure far more than the average person. That, coupled with their enhanced strength, put Nora at an obvious disadvantage. The Sole Survivor changed her tactics. No more trying to beat the bitch to death. Instead she reached forward, gripped the synth’s arm, and twisted it painfully to the side – brought her elbow down onto a knee, heard and watched the sickening break. The synth’s grip weakened, and Nora pried the gun away. “Fuck you,” she hissed, firing one shot into her opponent’s eye. Sparks and blood flew out – man and machine and Nora felt no sympathy.

There was too much for her to lose to waste time on that shit.

Though exhaustion made her bones ache, and hopelessness began to cloud her mind, Nora persevered for another two straight hours – forcefully taking guns from the enemy when she ran out of ammo, and shooting down whoever she could before then. By the time the sun was setting, the last shot rang out, and Fahrenheit stood tall and proud from Hancock’s balcony. Nora panted, keeping an eye on the entrance to Goodneighbor, waiting for anyone else to come through. After several minutes passed, she turned her attention to the streets.

Not a single inch remained that wasn’t covered in gore or carcass, and Nora was ashamed to admit that not all the casualties had been synthetic. “What’s the death count?” Nora asked Oswald. He grunted, lifted up a detached arm, and let it fall back to the ground.

“Can’t tell,” he said. “Gotta clean this shit up first. Looks like a pretty high number on our end, though.”

“Fuck.” Nora leaned back against the brick wall of the Old State House, eyes cast up to the sky. She could smell nothing but death and gunpowder, and she wondered if it would be burned into her nose for the rest of her life. “Fuck. Fucking fuck fuck.”

“Easy there,” Fahrenheit said. She’d descended the steps and came down to the streets to help whoever remained clear the bodies. “I don’t think I’ve heard you swear that much in the whole time I’ve known you.” Nora turned to look at her. Fahrenheit, perfectly calm, lighting up a cigarette like nothing had happened. “We’ll bury them when Hancock gets back,” she said. “He’ll want to honor the sacrifices they made. Take a moment. Breathe. Figure out what the next step is.”

Nora listened. She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath, and tried to focus on everything but the adrenaline. “I wait here for a bit longer,” she said. “Make sure it’s over. Once I’m sure, I head off to Diamond City to make sure John’s still alive.”

“Which he is,” Fahrenheit assured her. Nora wasn’t so ready to believe it.

“From there, we’ve got someone from each settlement who’s going to come to Diamond City to let us know that they’re alive. Any settlement not accounted for after a weak will be considered lost. We raise a militia. Destroy any remainder of the enemy. And we focus on rebuilding.”

For the next few hours, Nora followed this plan perfectly. She helped clear away the bodies, helped count the dead on their end, and helped organize a triage center in the Old State House. The Neighborhood Watch stayed planted at the entrance, waiting for more synths, but it seemed as if the attack was done and over with. For now, at least. Nora told Fahrenheit that she could stay longer, that she wanted to make sure as many people survived as possible, but the woman told her to go to Diamond City.

Nora didn’t want to. She was afraid of what she’d find there.

Regardless, she left Goodneighbor. Boston seemed impossibly quiet. No sign of gunfire. Even the raiders and super mutants seemed afraid to come out. It felt like death. Like a bad omen. No one at the entrance to Diamond City. Dead silence from where she stood at the front, and when she emerged in the City, she found out why.

Its state was worse than what she’d seen in Goodneighbor.

Nora would have lost hope immediately at the sight. The mothers weeping over their dead children. Heads on pikes that settlers busied themselves with taking down, tears and blood streaking their face. The fire at the schoolhouse. The dead gazes and hopeless expressions. Nora would have assumed the worst if it wasn’t for Piper, kneeling down to help lift a body. Nora approached. “Hey, Blue,” she said, but she didn’t seem too happy. “Got a minute? Grab their shoulders.” Nora approached the head of the body, or what would have been the head, because the head itself was missing. Nora figured it was attached to a pike somewhere and didn’t ask any questions. They moved the body to the center of the city, in front of the noodle stand, where other corpses had been lined up. There seemed to be two rows – one for humans, one for synths.

Nora saw McDonough’s body in the second category.

“John’s safe then?” she asked.

“Safer than all the rest of us,” Piper replied. “Like you had your doubts?”

“This is a fucking massacre,” Nora breathed.

“Yeah, well, take on the Institute and this is what you get. But it’s been going in this direction for a long time. If we hadn’t acted when we did, it would have been a lot worse. McDonough was on the end of his rope. He was ready to start meeting the riots with violence. And security had his back.” Nora frowned. “Hancock’s helping put the fire out. Go lend him a hand. I got it from here.” Nora nodded and ran off. As promised, there Hancock was, emerging from a smoking building with a child in his arms. Others rushed in with buckets of water.

“Last of ‘em,” he said. Nick accepted the girl, kneeled down and spoke to her in the most comforting tone a synth with his voice could muster up. Hancock turned to face Nora. “Hey, love. Come to swoon at the feet of the local hero?”

“Goodneighbor’s in bad shape,” Nora said.

“Figured as much,” Hancock replied. He didn’t say anything beyond that. Instead, he helped pull a settler out of the house, patted them on the back, and watched them fetch more water.

“I’m sorry.”

“Nah. No reason to be this time. We gave everyone the option to leave if they didn’t want to fight,” Hancock said. “Proud of ‘em for sticking around. Even the kids wanted to stay. You manage to keep them safe?”

“They were indoors. The synths didn’t manage to get to them,” Nora replied.

“Good. Fuck, that’s real good. Better than I expected.” Instead of being angry, Hancock looked relieved. “As you can see, we got fucked up real bad here.”

“John.”

“Fucking dead kids everywhere. Nat’s safe, thank fuck. You know that kid actually picked up a gun and killed a synth on her own? Jesus, man. I never seen Wright scream that loud. But I say the kid’s a fuckin’ hero.”

“John.”

“Ellie’s safe, too. She’s helping find anyone who went missing during the fight. I mean, everyone here cried their fucking eyes out except her and Nicky. Mostly ‘cause he can’t cry.”

“I would if I could,” Nick grumbled, helping a child cough out the smoke.

“By the time I got to McDonough, he had six synths at his side and man, he was pissed. Scared shitless, too. I –” Hancock went silent. Nora rested a hand on his shoulder. This was the point she’d been trying to make through his rambling.

“John, you know he wasn’t your brother.”

Hancock shrugged her hand off, turned his attention back to the schoolhouse. The fire had stopped. Settlers only found one dead body – Mister Zwicky. Edna followed, her cries of woe louder than anything Nora had ever heard before. “This whole time,” Hancock said, voice quiet. “This whole fuckin’ time. All the shit I said. And it wasn’t even him. I mean, what’s worse? That I thought my own brother would do shit like that, or that he’d been replaced by a fucking synth?”

“You knew the truth the whole time,” Nora replied. “But you wanted to see it yourself. Because what happened to him was horrible, John. So horrible that you would rather believe he was a traitor than a victim of the Institute, because no one deserves that. Not even your worst enemy.” He looked at her, lips parted, eyes glazed over. “But now we can rest knowing that the real Mayor McDonough was an honorable man. Just like his brother.”


	23. On New Beginnings and Reunions

Miraculously, Vadim, his family, and his business remained safe from the raid. Having been out of the zone of fire, he was able to protect a majority of the injured and children with the battle outside. Currently, he served free drinks and love to the entire City. “This time, on the house!” he cried cheerfully, shoving a cold beer toward Hancock. “Next time, I charge twice. I kid! Always free for you, friend.”

“Yeah,” Hancock said, taking the drink. Nora’s fingers worked gently at the back of his neck, trying to ease the tension, but he didn’t seem to feel it. They’d all spent hours, putting out fires and burying the dead. Diamond City’s population had been drained down to a third of its original size. Only three children remained alive. Miss Edna, mourning the loss of her husband, refused to come out of the charred remains of the schoolhouse. Piper and Nat holed themselves up in their home, and Nick and Ellie both volunteered to work overtime to find any missing people. So far, they’d managed to bring back two, so severely beaten that they didn’t survive anyway.

Things weren’t looking up, but Vadim insisted the exact opposite.

“Everything is sad now, but Diamond City is okay tomorrow! No more Institute, no more suspenders!”

“You mean suppression,” said a settler. “And even then, it’s oppression.”

“Suspenders are bad too,” Vadim insisted.

Hancock stared down at the bottle of beer. Nora felt disgusting, with all the dried blood on her body. The bullets had long since been removed from her, stitched up and cleaned, but the ache of battle left her exhausted. She wanted nothing more than to take a bath and lie down. But here she was, looking at a man who would give anything just to get his past back.

Nora had told him, over and over again, that he’d brought justice to the real Mayor McDonough. That he’d cleared his name, that he’d honored his memory and saved the City. But Hancock didn’t seem to hear any of it. He’d warned Nora. He’d warned her that this depression would follow, and she’d been prepared for it. But that didn’t make it hurt any less. “Any word from Sanctuary?” he asked, monotone. Nora shook her head.

“No one’s come by yet. They probably won’t for a few more days, considering the time it takes to travel. We need to get you to a bed.”

“Don’t feel like sleeping. Doesn’t seem right. Not when everyone here’s staying awake to see who else is gonna turn up dead.” Nora hummed. She could understand that. She could also understand not wanting to sleep in the same city your brother had been taken from, only to be replaced by an exact, if not excessively cruel, copy. “You need to go find out about your son.”

“Whether or not I find out about him now won’t change what happened,” Nora said. “If he’s innocent, then he’s alive. And if he’s not, then …” She swallowed down the lump in her throat and shrugged. “Then we’re all safer, right?”

“I would have understood,” Hancock said, turning the bottle over in his hand. Nora shook her head.

“For once, John, it’s not about whether or not you would have understood or not. It’s about doing the right thing. I chose the sacrifices I was willing to make, just like everyone else. I’m just glad that I didn’t have to lose more than I was willing to bargain with.” She pulled him closer, and he leaned against her, stiff and unwilling to feel even somewhat decent in his misery. “It’s a waiting game now,” she whispered to him. “And you need sleep. These people are looking to you to lead them forward in the next coming days.”

“I’m not their mayor.”

“Then who is, John?” Nora asked. “Me? I wasn’t the one who rid them of their synth dictator. I’m not their hero here. That’s you. Ask the people of Goodneighbor who the best mayor is.”

“That’s my point. I already got Goodneighbor. Can’t have Diamond City, too.”

“We could team up with it,” Nora suggested. He grunted. “We’ve got time to figure it out. But for now, you need to sleep. You’ve got a choice. We can sleep here, or we can go to the agency and sleep there. Nick’s offered to let us take the beds for the night if we wanted a quiet place to get some rest.” He didn’t answer. “I’d rather sleep here, honestly,” Nora continued. “The beds are bigger. And if you’re not going to sleep, I want to at least hold you while you lie down.”

“Nora.”

The woman turned her attention to the entrance, where Olivia stood. Surprisingly pristine, for someone who was supposed to be in battle. To her left stood Butch, who appeared to be wearing a majority of the blood. He did seem more reckless. It made sense that he would be the one to get in close enough range for blood to spray on him. But to Olivia’s right – a child. A child with dark hair, blue eyes, and quivering lips.

A child with Nate’s ears and nose.

“Shaun?” A hush fell over everyone, and Nora stood. “Shaun, is that you?” No response. Olivia stepped forward.

“Nora, he’s a synth,” she said quietly. Nora couldn’t identify what those words elicited within her. Coupled with the sight of a ten-year-old replica of her boy, she became overwhelmed into shock. “He was alone and terrified. When the Institute fell, I’m sorry. I couldn’t leave him. The real Shaun, he …”

“Shaun.” Nora pushed past Olivia, went straight for the boy. He shied away from her, hid behind Butch, who mumbled something about disrespecting mothers.

“Nora, that’s not your son,” Olivia tried again. “Your son preferred to die protecting the Institute.” Nora looked back at the Lone Wanderer, lightheaded with a heavy heart. “This is a copy of what your son was at ten years old. I’m sorry.”

All eyes turned on her. A few people reached for guns, wary of a third gen synth being in such close proximity.

“He doesn’t even know who you are,” Olivia continued.

“That’s enough,” Hancock said. Olivia closed her mouth.

Nora turned to face the young synth again, who stared at her in terror. “Shaun, do you know who I am?” Nora asked. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. He shook his head. “I’m your mother.”

“No you’re not,” he said.

“Yes, I am. We took you to the vault before the bombs fell. Your dad, he held you the entire time. You were too young for you to remember it now, but it’s true –”

“Father’s dead,” the synth replied. Nora felt her breath catch. So he remembered that? “They killed him. Took me from him.”

“Shaun, I’m so sorry, but I’m here now. I’ll make it up to you.”

A hand on Nora’s shoulder, and Olivia led her outside, where she explained it all. Who the real Shaun was, what the goals of the Institute were, and how incredibly sorry she was that it couldn’t have turned out any other way. Nora looked back to the door, still finding it all impossible to believe. But that was the price she had to pay, right? The price for getting this hand, for never folding when she should have? For having no choice but to make the sacrifices she had for all the other people of the Commonwealth? Nora vaguely registered Olivia’s voice somewhere faraway, flushed out by sirens and weeping and blood. Memories of flashes, of loud booms, of the heat of radiation and fire before the security of the vault embraced them like a miracle in the devil’s paws. She drank from his fountain and believed him when he said he was the Lord, and this is what she got for it.

She was angry. Angry at Nate for not protecting her son. Angry at herself for being too late. Angry at Olivia for bringing the synth copy of Shaun to her, like some consolation prize. Angry that none of it made sense, and so bitter that nothing could piece it all back together again. She would give anything now to wake up, find that she was still in her same, boring, loveless marriage where the world was paranoid but still intact. Because at least then she had direction.

“… since you got out?”

Nora blinked, turned to face Hancock. He held a cigarette in one hand, the other on his hip. A man with sudden new purpose. Nora saw so much of herself in him. The only way he could be dragged out of his own problems was by guiding people through their own. A beacon in hopeless times. Right now, he seemed like a dim light in all the fog, but it was enough for Nora. She could interpret the message he sent, loud and clear: She couldn’t go back. And even if it were possible, then why would she? Had it really been easier? Had it really been safer and better for her? After all that she’d learned about herself, after all that she’d learned about love, would it really have been the best option? After all, here was Hancock, giving her absolutely everything that Nate refused to believe a man could give a woman. Compassion, understanding, second chances. Not because hormones were the determining factor in whether or not she could make rational decisions, but because he understood what it meant to be lost in his own mind. Hancock was good for Nora. This place was good for Nora. Through all the tears and devastation, she’d made a home for herself here, and had made a life that she couldn’t have lived back before the war.

But like Hancock, Nora could not drag herself out of her own dilemma unless she had someone else to focus on. Comforting him through McDonough’s demise had been the only reason she hadn’t fallen apart. And now here she was, confronting her own demons without anything to distract her from them.

“What?” she finally asked, sounding dumber than she meant to.

“I said, are you really gonna turn your back on the kid you’ve been searching for since you crawled out of that fucking vault?”

“That’s not Shaun,” Nora replied.

“Why not? ‘Cause he didn’t come from you?” Nora glanced back at the door. “The Shaun you remember was determined to run the Commonwealth to the ground, just ‘cause the Institute didn’t like our way of life. What you got now is a little boy, ten years old, who wasn’t taught that shit. Get past the machine, and he’s still your kid, sister.”

“No, John, he’s not. It’s more complicated than that.”

“Eh, lots of orphans in the Commonwealth, you know. Goodneighbor’s filled with them. Some of them raise fine on their own. The unlucky ones gang up with raiders. Turn into rapists and murderers. The really lucky ones get adopted.” He stared at her, expectantly.

“You want me to adopt the synthetic copy of my son?” Nora asked, incredulous.

“It’d be the right thing to do. For everyone.”

“It’s an absurd thing to do. He’s the synthetic copy of my son.”

“So you keep saying. But ain’t he a little closer to what you expected to find?” Nora was about to answer, but stopped herself. “Hell, Nora. You knew that Shaun wouldn’t remember you. You knew it’d be tough. That was tolerable enough for you to keep going. This kid’s what you imagined. Scared, doesn’t remember you, and alone. Not the asshole that terrorized the Commonwealth. Would you really rather have the real thing at this point? Tell me again that kid ain’t your son.”

Nora sighed. She didn’t know what to make of this. Didn’t know what to make of the chaos coming at her from every which direction she decided to turn.

“And I know you don’t wanna settle for anything less than the real thing, but.” Hancock reached into his pocket and passed her some Jet. She stared at it for a moment, then wrapped her fingers around it. Shook it like she’d seen him do, raise it to her lips, and press down. Inhale. As time slowed, her thoughts remained the same. Processed at higher speeds, in fact. Hancock’s distorted growl lingered somewhere between the back of her mind and on the pedestal of truth. “Just because he’s a synth doesn’t make him any less real.”


	24. On Emptiness and Get Well Soon Cards

Over the course of the next few days, Hancock kept insanely busy. Nora couldn’t recall ever seeing him sleep, but it wasn’t like she kept much track of him these days. Between moving back and forth from Diamond City to Goodneighbor, she rarely saw him. She could have gone with him, but it was hard for her to even get out of bed. For the most part, she just lie there, staring at the wall and wishing she could make sense of everything. She’d still gotten no news from Sanctuary, though several other settlements had sent message forth that they were okay. No sign of Preston or MacCready or Jun or Sturges or Mama Murphy and Nora couldn’t find it in her to make the space to worry about anything else.

“You have to eat,” Piper said. Nora heard her, but she couldn’t will herself to respond. It cost too much effort. “Come on. I got some noodles for you.” She didn’t want noodles. Nora wasn’t sure what she wanted. Not even Hancock could help her out of this. And he’d tried, multiple times. Nora didn’t budge a muscle unless he brought her Jet, because it let time slow down enough that it matched what she felt inside. Lagging behind everything else.

Piper sighed and set the bowl of noodles aside. “Everyone’s worried about you, Blue.”

Worried? About what? About how Nora might run herself to the point of breaking? About how she would seek out the edge of the universe to protect people she barely even knew, never knowing what she’d find once she got there? Is that what they were worried about? If so, it seemed like an odd time for them to be so concerned. Funny, how people only cared in retrospect.

Piper eventually gave up and left, leaving the noodles behind. She shut the door to her rented room carefully, and Nora heard Piper tell Vadim that no, he wouldn’t help by going in there and trying to cheer her up. “She just wants to be alone, I guess,” Piper said, voice barely audible through the wall.

“Not surprising. She did just get reunited with her kid,” came Nick’s voice.

“That’s not her kid, Nick. That’s a synth.” Silence. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Yeah, I get it. Boy still needs her, though.”

Nora moved for the first time in hours, pressing her wrists into her ears. She held her breath and pushed it out, forcing her ears to ring so that she could drown out the outside noise. The last thing she wanted to think about right now was Shaun. The situation was too complicated for her to understand, and she wasn’t certain how she felt about it. Her boy had been kidnapped sixty years ago. Nora had spent the past year searching for him, believing he was still a little boy – only to find a clusterfuck of a situation that everyone expected her to handle with ease. When Olivia came in with the third gen synth, Nora had wanted to believe it really was Shaun, because the truth was too difficult to face.

She’d been prepared to save the Commonwealth at the expense of her own son. She’d been willing to let him die for the safety of the majority. But to have that happen, and then to be told that she could start over with a ten-year-old synth version of her son? It felt wrong to Nora. She didn’t like the idea of a replacement. It wasn’t fair to her, and it certainly wasn’t fair to the boy. It felt wrong and disgusting. Nora couldn’t just take him in, couldn’t just hold onto him just so that she could find some peace in resolving her own past. He had no choice in what he was, in who he was modeled after. It wasn’t fair to him.

Olivia had mentioned something about taking him to the Railroad if Nora was serious about being unwilling to take him in. Apparently, Olivia had gained their trust and support, and they were willing to take Shaun in and raise him to understand what it meant to be human and synthetic. To break free from the confines of his programming and to become a part of the beautiful process that was the Commonwealth. Nora would be lying if she said she hadn’t considered it. But then where would that leave Shaun? Everyone had spent the past few days educating him on everything that had happened – Hancock’s request, of course, because he refused to treat children like they were idiots who couldn’t handle the truth. After all the emotional trauma, he’d finally come to terms with who he was, both in relation to himself and to Nora.

So if she just dumped him on the Railroad like he was a problem she didn’t want to deal with, what kind of emotional impact would that have on him? To be told that Nora had been searching for a year for her son, but wasn’t satisfied with the synthetic version of everything she’d been searching for? Would he feel as if he would never be as good as the real Shaun – a man who justified his murder and chaos by insisting he was compassionate?

It wasn’t right. It wasn’t right no matter how Nora looked at it. He would either be a replacement, or he would be a reject. And no one ought to feel that way.

“… don’t think now’s a good time to go see her, Shaun.” Nora wished the ringing in her ears hadn’t stopped. She didn’t want to hear Piper’s voice. Didn’t want to hear the discussion that followed.

“Why not? Isn’t she better?”

“Well, I don’t know. It’s hard to tell. She’s just trying to digest everything.”

“How come everyone else gets to see her, but I can’t? Is she mad at me?”

“No,” Piper said. “No, Shaun, she’s not mad at you. She’s just … she’s sick.” Nora closed her eyes. Sick? That’s what depression was, right? That’s what she’d told Jun, after all. Did it also apply to Nora? Nora, who refused to put anything in her mouth except the occasional chem? She opened her eyes again, looked at all the empty Jet containers that littered her mattress. It was more than just occasional. Even Hancock had told her that she needed to slow down, but hell, it was the only way to make her move even in the slightest. So he’d keep giving it to her if it helped her cope. “Maybe you can try again tomorrow.”

Nora rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. She blinked excessively, trying to will herself into crying. It didn’t work.

“You said that yesterday,” Shaun argued.

“I know,” Piper said. She sounded lost. Nora sat up, pressed her hands to her ears again. She could still hear Shaun’s voice, bouncing back and forth in her mind.

You said that yesterday.

You said that yesterday.

You said that yest –

At least we still have the backup.

“No, no, no. No, not that.” Nora tried to breathe, but found it impossible. She drew her knees up to her chest, swallowed the bile in her throat. Felt the tension in her shoulders. The noise beyond her room faded away into nothingness and all she could hear was her own thoughts – a collective of different voices, of different people. She remembered traveling through Kellogg’s mind, remembered seeing Shaun in his memories. Remembered waking up it feeling sick with herself.

Had she felt sympathy for the devil?

“You still alive in there?” Nora didn’t respond. She kept her hands to her ears because she wasn’t sure if it was a memory or if it was really happening. The door opened. “Hey.” Piper came back in, kneeled next to Nora. “Hey, look at me.” Reluctantly, she did. “You’re going to be all right, Blue.” Nick stood in the doorway, and Shaun peered in behind him. Nora stared, vision blurring as she looked at him. He watched her like a child apprehensive of a stranger. No wonder. Nora must look like shit right now.

“Hey, Shaun,” she said, hearing her own voice for the first time in days. She sounded like death. “You all right?” He nodded, slow and uncertain. “I’ll be okay soon, okay?” Another nod. Piper and Nick exchanged glances. “I just need to sleep.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Nick said. “Hancock’ll be back real soon. Just went to go check up on Goodneighbor.”

Despite Nora’s statement, she stood up. Piper’s expression said it all – That’s not how you sleep, Blue. But Nora didn’t care. She walked, unsteady, to the closest bathroom, closed the door, and turned on the water. She watched it sputter, brown and dirty, down the drain. Stared at her reflection in the broken mirror. She still hadn’t washed the synth blood off of her from the battle. Her mattress had been stained red and she felt bad that Vadim would have to replace it. Though, knowing him, he’d probably just turn it over and consider it as good as new. “See?” Piper said, speaking to Shaun again. “You just have to give her some time. Your mom – she’s a hero, but she’s tired. Really, really tired. And it made her very sick.”

“How come we can’t just give her medicine?” asked Shaun, and Nora smiled bitterly.

“They don’t make medicine for the kind of sick that she is,” Piper explained patiently. “It’s one of those things you have to wait out and hope that it gets better.”

“Okay.”

“It will get better. You know that, right?” Silence from Shaun.

He didn’t believe Piper any more than Nora did.


	25. On Recovery and Guidance

“Heard you were having a rough time.”

“You could say that.”

“All that Jet yours?” Nora looked over her shoulder at the bed. Preston’s tone implied that she should be ashamed of her new habit, but she simply shrugged, turned back to him. Blank and dull stare. What do you think? He sighed and took a seat. “Well, we’re rebuilding Sanctuary right now,” he said. “A lot of people died, but we pulled through.” Nora hummed. “What’s the word on Goodneighbor?”

“A lot of people died, but we pulled through.” Preston frowned.

“Same with Diamond City, I take it.”

“Doesn’t take that hard of a look around to figure it out,” Nora replied.

It was true. Diamond City suffered the greatest. The riots before the final battle had weakened everyone. No one had been prepared to fight an army of synths. Nora knew why anyone survived at all. No one had been equipped for it, but with the Institute’s attention divided like it had been, there was no way they could have won. Not even with the battle being as close as it had been. Nora’s plan had been the most effective, and she knew it. It wouldn’t have worked without Olivia and Butch, daring to take the Institute on, all on their own. That was the crucial part of it. Olivia and Butch. Because if Nora had taken anyone from Sanctuary, they wouldn’t have been able to defend the settlement. It would have fallen. Same with Goodneighbor. Same with Diamond City. It all came down to their new allies.

“They, um.” Nora sighed. Preston kept a concerned eye on her. “They brought back Shaun. I mean, a synth.”

“I heard.”

“Hancock thinks I should take care of him. Everyone does.”

“What do you think?” asked Preston.

Nora shrugged. Her thoughts were too complicated to express into words, and Preston was a man of action, not psychotherapy. Would he really know the right thing to say if she confided in him? “I don’t want him to be a replacement,” Nora finally said. “If I keep him, that’s all he is. A replacement. And if I don’t, he’s going to be a part of the Railroad, caught between learning his value and wondering why being a synth just isn’t valuable enough for me to want him.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a rough deal. Want to know my take on it?”

“Yeah, that’s why I brought it up.”

“If he’s what you’ve been looking for, he’s not a replacement. The Shaun you held when he was a baby – he wasn’t your son anymore, Nora. He’d been brainwashed. This boy, synth or not, is everything you were hoping to find. That’s not a replacement. That’s an accurate fit to the puzzle you’ve been looking to complete.”

Nora’s eyes drifted toward the door. She could hear Vadim’s voice booming over everything else. Heard some familiar jovial laughter. Who was that? Magnolia? Why was she here, in Diamond City? And why did she sound so happy? Now that Nora thought about it, she’d never heard Magnolia laugh like that. The woman was always so carefully put together. Constructed out of subtle seduction and a painted portrait of perfection. Was Nora the only one suffering these sorts of effects in the aftermath? As if reading her mind, Preston spoke again. “Things are already changing,” he said. “The Minutemen grew tenfold. We’ve got people patrolling the Commonwealth to hunt down any remaining enemy synths. The ones who just want to move on will be sent to the Railroad.” Nora turned to look back at him, searching his face for answers.

Was she really the only one?

“Hancock made the decision to merge Diamond City and Goodneighbor. Different settlements, different policies – same mayor.”

“Different policies? Under Hancock?” Nora found herself amused for the first time in days.

“They’re both free places. People can come and go as they please, but the laws are a bit stricter in Diamond City. It’s to protect the people that have gotten used to that way of life. He’s being as considerate as he can,” Preston said. “I think it’s a good move. People come here if they want to be clean and safe from criminals. They go to Goodneighbor if they want to shoot up chems and have a wild time.”

“Sounds dangerous,” Nora said. “What with the raiders and super mutants running around in Boston and all.”

“I told Hancock that the Minutemen would help him reclaim Boston,” Preston said. “The place is safer now than it’s ever been.”

Nora sighed, leaned back against the wall. The mattress creaked under her weight. “I don’t understand,” she said. “The world is so happy, but I don’t feel it at all. I don’t get it, Preston. What’s wrong with me?”

Preston shrugged. “Again, this is just my take on it,” he said. “The Institute has fallen, and now you feel like you’ve got nothing to do. No problems to face but your own. You feel like you have to answer to all the death, and you feel torn about Shaun. Everyone else just wanted freedom and safety, and now they’re finally relieved. They’re mourning, but they’re also celebrating to honor the lives of those they’ve lost. Of those who couldn’t celebrate with them. It’s how things work around here now. You don’t know, because you haven’t been here long enough to witness what we do in times like these. But all the death and destruction aside, we came up on top, and that’s a damn good feeling.”

“No one blames me?”

“Blame you? General, people in the Commonwealth are talking about dedicating a day of the year to you,” Preston said. “I think the general consensus is the sixteenth of September.”

Nora raised a brow. “Was that John’s suggestion, by any chance.”

“I think so. Why?”

Nora chuckled, forced herself to stand up on weak legs. “No reason. Is he here now?”

“You up for this, Nora?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Preston. You helped a lot. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do.” Nora smiled at him. He nodded. The two left the room together, and Nora emerged into the front room of Dugout. Everyone seemed to fall quiet, smiles on faces falling when they saw her. Nora tried to appear strong, tried to force that smile to stay, but it was hard.

Several people wore leather jackets now. People Nora didn’t recognize. MacCready was there, too, standing among them with a beer in one hand and the other raised to his eyebrow to salute Nora. She nodded back at him. “Tunnel Snakes are just taking a break from work. We’ll be back at it soon,” he said. Nora made her way around the room, stopped to talk to Magnolia for a moment before the door opened and Hancock walked in.

“All right. Nick and Ellie found a couple of kids out in Boston. If anyone’s searching for their children, head out now. Check ‘em out.” The silence shifted to something a bit more distraught. Four people stood from their spots in Dugout, and they exited through the doors. “Hey, babe. Glad to see you up.”

“Really, John? Your birthday?”

He sucked in air through his teeth. “Yeah, you heard about that.”

“Yeah. It’s not going to make people forget.”

“Guy can try, right?” Nora folded her arms. Everyone watched as Hancock approached her, wrapped an arm around her. “’Sides, what’s a better gift than to be reminded how my little badass saved the fucking Commonwealth?”

“Catch me up to speed,” Nora said. She took a seat at a table, and he sat next to her. Tension faded away to easy conversation, and soon Dugout had a pleasant buzz of voices to help drown out Nora’s thoughts.

“Well, Garvey’s men are out there, keeping the place safe,” Hancock said. “For some goddamn reason, the Tunnel Snakes are getting pretty huge, too. Helping Nick and Ellie out on their search and rescue mission. We got people building the quickest, safest routes from Boston to Sanctuary. Railroad’s working overtime with an influx of synths.”

“What about Olivia?” asked Nora.

“What about her?”

“Shouldn’t we be heading to the Wasteland? We promised we’d fix their slavery problem.”

“Not in your condition,” Hancock replied, and Nora figured it was useless to argue with him. He was right. She didn’t want to go out and do any more saving right now, anyway. “So, I don’t want to be the one bringing up sensitive subjects, but the Railroad’s up my ass about it. What’s the deal with Shaun?”

Nora sighed. Ran her fingers through her hair. At least she’d managed to bathe today. It was nice not to feel blood whenever she moved. “I don’t know,” she said. “It’s not really fair to him, whatever choice I make. And if I don’t make one, it’s even worse.” Hancock tapped the table with his fingers, waiting for her to continue. “I told Preston I didn’t want Shaun to be a replacement. That’s my main worry about taking him in. That he’d be a replacement for my son. My real son.”

“Don’t know how many times I gotta tell you this,” Hancock replied, “but that is your real son. May not be human, but the human version died without your influence. So you got here a machine. And yeah, he’s a copy. Ten years old and an experiment. A prototype. Testing out emotions and complexities, from what Olivia said, right?” Nora nodded. “Probably unstable. Unpredictable. Probably dangerous in the grand scheme of things.” Nora nodded again, but he wasn’t easing her fears. “Railroad offered to help with that.”

“If he goes to the Railroad, he’ll think that just because he’s a synth, he’s not good enough for me.”

“Nah, love. Railroad offered to help you and him. Mother and child. They ain’t gonna ask you to take care of a synth without some support.”

“If they’re more fit for the job, why don’t they just take him?”

“General consensus is that he’s your kid. They ain’t gonna take that from you. My two cents?” Nora looked at him, knowing good and well what he was going to say. “Once you give it a shot, you’ll realize that the replacement would have been the boy you gave birth to.”

“That makes no sense.”

“Yeah? Let me put it like this.” Hancock straightened up, placed his hands on the table like he was laying out a plan for her. “You get your kid taken from you when he’s a baby. Sixty years pass without you knowing. Say you went to the Institute. Say you found him and not Olivia. That empty space that your missing son left behind? You’d have to find out a way to stretch that hole out and make it fit to whatever he would put back in. It’d get in there, yeah, but it would be uncomfortable. It would be painful. And it wouldn’t be the Shaun you wanted. It would just be a shitty replacement because you couldn’t find anything better. Just give it a shot, Nora.”

“And what? Find out that I’m living a lie? It’s not fair to him.”

“Yeah, you’re right. Good thing that ain’t gonna happen.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I know enough about you to figure it out. You’re just scared. Spent your whole time here trying to find your boy, and now that you found him, you’re searching for any reason to rip apart your hope because you don’t think you got a chance in hell anyway.” He was right. Nora knew he was right. “But shit, babe. You spent your time here hoping against hope that something good would come from all this bullshit, and it turned out all right. This will, too.”


	26. On Stories and Explanations

After arriving at Sanctuary, the first thing Nora did was seek our Marcy. Initially, she was concerned that Marcy had died in battle – but no. The woman was too tough and too headstrong to actually die in combat like that. Surprisingly, it wasn’t Nora who spoke first. “Yeah, I guess I was out of line back then,” Marcy said, making a face that indicated she didn’t like the taste of the apology. “Guess I was just scared.”

“We all were,” Nora said. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that. I’m sorry.” Marcy grunted and left, without another word. So they were back at square one, but that was okay with Nora.

She stepped back out into the Settlement. They’d suffered a significant loss, but a lot of people survived. MacCready and Jun were busy talking with Shaun, looking at a doll that he’d gotten from a friend named Mary in Goodneighbor. “Boys shouldn’t be playing with dolls,” MacCready said.

“He can play with whatever he wants,” Jun replied. “What’s her name, Shaun?”

“Nick,” replied the synth boy. MacCready snorted, and handed the doll back. But the shine in his eyes indicated that he had no problem with the doll or the doll’s name. Good. The last thing Nora would tolerate was someone giving her boy a hard time.

Her boy. That would take some getting used to. She’d finally come to the conclusion that Shaun should stay with her, and while at first he seemed reluctant, Hancock really drove the point home for him. Nora was his mother. And she’d searched a long time for him. Shaun asked why Nora didn’t want him at first, and Hancock had replied, “Nah, that ain’t the case, kid. The shock just made her sick. That’s all.” And she’d been so grateful for his tact that she could have kissed him right there if it weren’t for the fact that they had a child in their presence.

Nora had been informed that Shaun would never grow old. He was stuck as a child forever. Whether his mind would develop into that of an adult’s, she had no idea. But he was learning regardless, and exceptionally fast. Shaun had an inquisitive mind, and while he was ready to debate what people told him, he was so logical that it stunned even Nora. “Father was nice to me,” Shaun had said. “But if he was a bad man and hurt people like you said, then that makes him mean, right?” And while he hadn’t readily accepted it at first, he remained surprisingly calm when Piper told him stories about the Institute. About the horrible things they’d done to people. She’d said it wasn’t his fault – they were glad to have him here now, where he could be safe. Where he could be a part of a family and not just a research project.

Shaun didn’t understand what she meant then, but Nora knew that he would figure it out in the days to come. He was already starting to open up to a new life, and Nora could tell that he was incredibly grateful to be out of the Institute. He always remarked about how the food and water was better there, and how it was cleaner, but he seemed to enjoy socializing with others. With a wider variety of people that didn’t perform tests on him, or force him to shut down, or lock him away in a room for his life.

He was living like an actual boy.

He’d taken a large liking to Nick. Shaun had spent a majority of his time around the synth detective, listening to stories and asking for more details. And it tickled Nick pink. “Never saw curiosity like that in a kid that young,” he’d told Nora. “Might make a detective out of him one day.” Lo and behold, Shaun had come to Nora later that night, the doll he’d named after his favorite synth in his hands, and told her that he did, indeed, want to be a detective when he grew up. It hurt Nora to know that he’d never have the chance, but they prepared for it anyway. On the way back to Sanctuary, Nick and Hancock worked together coming up with various stories and scenarios for Shaun to partake in. They’d make up complex villains and ask him how he would handle them, and each and every time, Shaun’s response would be the same.

“Kill him before he hurts any more people!”

Hancock had laughed and congratulated him, but Nick took a different approach. “Can’t do that as a detective, kid.”

“Like hell you can’t,” Hancock had replied. “Diamond City’s already got a synth detective. He can come and work in Goodneighbor.”

But here they all were, in Sanctuary, preparing for their next trip out of the Commonwealth now that things had settled down. All the settlements had finally started to rebuild themselves. Bodies buried, losses mourned, and Olivia had reminded Nora of the promise they’d made. “We’ve still got slavers,” she’d said. Nora had replied that she knew, and that as soon as she explained the situation to Shaun, they’d be ready to go again.

Nora approached her son, asked to speak with him, and he waved goodbye to Jun and MacCready. “You making friends?” asked Nora. Shaun nodded.

“Yep! I like Mister MacCready.”

“Good. He’s a good man.” Nora pulled Shaun into her home. Mama Murphy sat in her chair, eyes twinkling as she watched Shaun. He ran over and showed her the doll, which she marveled at and asked about Mary, even though no one had told her where he’d gotten the doll from. After a brief conversation, Nora excused the two of them from Mama Murphy’s company and took Shaun down the hall – the last door on the right. He stood in the doorway, a tight frown on his lips when he saw the ruined crib that Nora had never managed to get rid of. “Do you remember this?” she asked Shaun. He shook his head. “But you know this was your room.” He nodded. “Come here. Sit down. I want to tell you a story.” Nora patted a chair, and Shaun took a seat. She sat next to him on the floor. “Your dad and I, we loved you very, very much. Not – not the man at the Institute that you call Father.”

“I know,” Shaun said. “My real dad.”

“That’s right. The day you were born, he was so happy. He held you and it was the only time I’d seen him cry.”

“Why was he sad?”

“He wasn’t. He was happy, remember? Sometimes people cry when they’re really, really happy.”

“Is that why you were crying before? Because you were happy?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I met you.”

Nora sighed. Why did he have to ask the questions that hurt the most? “No,” she said. “No, Shaun, it wasn’t because I was happy. When you were born, I – I was really sick. Sick like how I was before, when I met you.” He nodded. “It doesn’t mean that I didn’t love you. I loved you very much, and I still do.”

“Mister Hancock says you wouldn’t have looked so hard for me if you didn’t,” Shaun said.

“That’s right. But sometimes, our brains say things to us that don’t make any sense, and they make us sad when we should be happy. When I saw you again, it was like that. I should have been happy, but my brain was lying to me. It’s not your fault, and it doesn’t mean I’m not happy now.”

“Okay.” Such a heavy topic, and he seemed to accept what she said so readily. Nora appreciated that.

“Your dad was a good man, but he wasn’t the best man. Do you understand what I mean?” Shaun shook his head. “He provided for his family and worked very hard, and while he loved you very much, he didn’t love me.”

“Was he mean to you?” Shaun asked.

“He didn’t hurt me,” Nora replied. “But he didn’t care about me, either.” Shaun nodded, understanding. “I want you to know that if it were your dad instead of me, he would have wanted to find you too. You were that important to us.”

“Is he dead?” asked Shaun. Nora hesitated. She nodded. “Because Mister Kellogg shot him?” Nora nodded again. “He was a bad man, too, wasn’t he?”

“But he was nice to you,” Nora said. “Sometimes, people are nice to you but not nice to other people.”

“I know.”

“I wanted to tell you about this, because I want you to know that we love you more than the Institute did.” Shaun nodded, and Nora’s heart sank. She realized only then that she wanted to hear him say that he loved her, too. But maybe it was too soon for that? Or maybe he didn’t know what love felt like. How loving could people in the Institute have been toward Shaun? They saw him as an object. A means to reach an end. They weren’t like the Railroad, who would have fought endlessly for him, who would have taught him these valuable things. According to Olivia, Shaun had been a prototype, used to test emotional complexities. But how far had they gone with him? How far could they have gone if they didn’t even test the most beautiful, complex emotion of them all: Love? “And even though I love you a whole, whole lot, I have to go away for a while.”

Shaun’s acceptance of everything she’d said up until that point faded away, and the first real complex emotion shone in his eyes, loud and clear: Fear. “Why?” he asked her.

“I made a promise to some friends that I would help them handle some problems far away,” Nora said. “But I’m coming back.”

“No!”

“Shaun, Nick will still be here with you –”

“I don’t want him!”

Nora sighed. She looked at him, watched as his face got red, watched as his whole body shook. And suddenly, she understood. “Okay,” she said. “You can come with me, but you have to be on your best behavior, all right? If I tell you to stay somewhere, I want you to stay there. No arguments. Some of the places I’m going to aren’t safe.”

Instant relief. He settled back into his chair and nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay.” She reached out, ran a hand down his face, and smiled. Her heart felt like it was going to burst. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do anyway, don’t we?”

“Yeah,” Shaun said. And then, enthusiastically, he added, “Think we’ll find some bad guys there?”

“Definitely.”

“I’m gonna arrest them. Mister Valentine said that I could arrest bad guys.”

“You know.” Nora leaned in, speaking in a low whisper. “I heard that MacCready knows who stole a magazine of mine, but I haven’t been able to get him to talk.” Shaun’s mouth formed a perfect O. “Think you can get a confession out of him, Detective?” Without another word, Shaun scrambled out of his seat and ran out the door, mumbling a polite “Excuse me” as he pushed past Hancock. Nora smiled up at the ghoul mayor, stood up and dusted her skirt off. “Hey.”

“Makes me wish I had one of my own,” Hancock said, folding his arms and leaning against the doorframe. “But then I think about what a shitty father I’d make. Plus the fact I can’t make ‘em.” Nora raised her eyebrows, trying to fight back a smile. Hancock feigned ignorance. “What?”

“I was just thinking about how you’re the closest thing he’s got to a dad,” Nora replied. “He really likes you.” Hancock snorted. “I’m serious, John.”

“That a marriage proposal?”

“Not quite,” Nora said. “You’re not the marriage type, anyway.”

“Yeah. Bullshit ritual to confirm what we already know.”

“Exactly. But I don’t have a problem with him calling you Daddy.”

“Funny,” Hancock said. “I was just thinking the same about you.” Nora scrunched up her nose. He laughed. “Not your thing?”

“Makes me think of my own dad,” Nora replied. “Why don’t you call me Daddy?”

“Kinky.” Nora grinned and approached him, leaned into him as he wrapped his arms around her. “Glad you’re feelin’ better, love. Life ain’t shit without you anymore.”


	27. On Trades and Generosity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had an idea for an adorable, human-loving super mutant for a while. So here he is. Written only because Gob needs an equally adorable best friend.

Shaun walked closely next to Nora, one hand grabbing at a strap of her armor and the other holding on tightly to his doll. Nora, meanwhile, carried a bag of his belongings and hers – and a bedroll on her back. She was virtually useless when it came to combat, but at this point, it made sense. Nora wasn’t as experienced with fighting as Hancock or Fahrenheit, who had been in the Commonwealth since they were born, fighting their way through raiders and synths. She didn’t have the same experience as Nora and Butch, who’d been protecting the wasteland for the past ten years. Nora had only been at this for a year, tops, and she was still learning how things worked. Sure, she was one hell of a warrior – but given her general lack of experience compared to present company, she figured no one would mind if she protected Shaun while they took on any enemies.

Fahrenheit held her hand out, eyes narrowing. They all stopped walking almost immediately. Nora listened carefully. She could hear, close enough to spark alarm, the rough and booming voice of a super mutant: “Smash did good! Queen proud of Smash!”

And then, strangely enough, a softer feminine voice: “I’m very proud of you, Smash. You did a good job. Let’s head on back to the vault and show everyone the trade you made.”

“Smash get cram! SMASH GET CRAM!”

“What the everliving fuck?” Hancock sounded as bewildered as Nora felt. What in the hell was a young girl – and if her voice was any indication, she was young – doing with a super mutant? Were they a threat? Should they hide? Did super mutants really make trades? Nora watched Fahrenheit, observing the woman’s body language. Her arm had dropped, but she still seemed on edge. She held her gun in both hands, shoulders tight and feet hip-width apart. Ready for trouble. That didn’t seem like a good sign, but Nora figured Fahrenheit was always ready for combat. She did, after all, have a trouble maker mayor to look after. She’d probably dragged him out of The Third Rail after a wild night, fighting off waves of women and thieves who just wanted to get a piece of him – or his wealth.

Thunderous footsteps almost shook the ground. Nora watched as the super mutant and girl stepped through the dead trees, and their eyes connected. Almost exactly as Fahrenheit had done, the girl’s hand pushed out to prevent the super mutant – who was easily twice her size – from moving forward. He seemed ready to lunge at the newcomers, but otherwise obeyed. Once again, Nora felt mystified by the idea. She could have sworn that save for Strong and Virgil, super mutants didn’t care much for humans. They would rather eat humans than befriend them, and yet here these two were – super mutant obeying a girl that couldn’t have been older than nineteen in years.

“Friendly?” asked the girl.

“That depends on you,” Fahrenheit replied.

“We’re just passing through,” the girl said. She seemed confident enough. Not in the least bit afraid. And who could blame her? She had a fucking super mutant glued to her hip. And he carried a minigun like it was nothing at all. “I’m Helen. This is Smash. We’re about to head back to the vault, but if you’ve got time to trade, I’m sure Smash would really appreciate it.”

“We don’t really have a lot on us,” Nora said. “Not much that we can spare, at least.”

“Maybe we can help with that?” Helen waited for a response. Nora didn’t think this girl understood how trades worked, but she figured, what the hell? If she had something better than food and purified water, Nora was willing to take it. So within the next three minutes, the super mutant named Smash had opened up a small pack (or, at least, it seemed small in comparison to the green hands that held it, but Nora quickly realized that the pack was almost as big as Shaun) and allowed Nora to peer inside. He carried with him a great deal of Stimpaks, purified water, and deathclaw jerky. As if on a second thought, Smash dropped his treasured can of cram into the pack, adding it to the potential trade.

Nora couldn’t think of a single thing that she could offer in return.

Helen politely cleared her throat, drawing Nora’s attention, and jerked her head to the side. A request to speak in private. Nora parted from the group, leaving Shaun with Hancock. Once they were far away enough, Helen spoke in a low voice: “Something small,” she said. “We have plenty of supplies at the vault. I’m focused less on the outcome on the trade and more on the lesson. So don’t worry about it being equal.” Nora didn’t understand this in the least bit. She opened her mouth to ask what this was all about, but Helen answered her question before she could even speak: “I met Smash in Boston. I’d been snatched up by a group of raiders, and Smash and some of his friends came across me and saved me. I didn’t understand it at first, either, but apparently they didn’t fit in with the other super mutants. They didn’t want to live violent lives and were obsessed with how humans did things. So they figured that by saving the damsel in distress, they could make me feel obligated to become their leader. It’s a slow work in progress, but I’m teaching them how to contribute to our little society in the best way possible for their own individual talents. Smash has a knack for charming people. I’m hoping that at some point, he can be a great trader. Right now, I’m teaching him the patience and etiquette that comes with trading, not what it means to make a fair trade.”

Now, Nora had seen super mutants try to make a life for themselves. Trying the whole settlement thing, for instance. She’d accidentally walked right into a super mutant settlement, in fact. If it hadn’t been for the fact that super mutants are territorial and started fighting immediately, she would have been convinced that they were more humane than their fellow mutants. Nora looked over her shoulder. Saw Hancock watching them curiously. “All right,” she said. “Give me a second and let’s see what I can find.” Helen nodded and followed Nora back to the group. Nora pulled Hancock to the side. “She says that she just wants something small. You got anything?” Hancock grunted. He didn’t seem as confused by the situation as she had been, bless his heart. Nora really didn’t want to explain the scenario, because she was still bemused by it herself. She heard a rattle in Hancock’s pocket as he searched through his belongings. He seemed to read her mind and pulled out his tin of Mentats. He reached in, pulled one out, and handed it to Nora. “Thanks,” she said.

“Hey, man’s gotta make some sacrifices for the majority, right?” Hancock replied, winking. He looked significantly more uplifted than she’d seen him in a long time, and it seemed so sudden. Nora watched him curiously for a moment before turning on her heel and returning to Helen. Hancock had always been the type to believe that people, no matter who (or what) they were had the right to live freely. It must make him feel good to know that there are more people like that out there, aside from Nora and himself. Seeing a girl trust a super mutant so readily probably gave him the fuzzies in his belly.

Nora showed Helen the Mentat, and oddly enough, the girl’s face lit up. “Look, Smash!” She carefully accepted the Mentat from Nora. Helen, who appeared as youthful and angelic as girls her age came, appeared genuinely joyful. Nora frowned, looked over her shoulder at Hancock, whose amusement seemed to skyrocket. Fahrenheit sighed, exasperated, and Olivia and Butch tried to bite back smiles. Nora shook her head at the ghoul mayor, and he shrugged. How was he supposed to know that he was feeding a chem habit? Not that he cared.

The super mutant dropped his pack and held his hands against his knees, bending at the waist to look closely at the tiny Mentat in Helen’s fingers. “Candy?” he asked.

“My kind of candy,” Helen replied. “This is a really good trade! Smash, you did a great job. I’m very proud of you. Go ahead and let them take their pick of what they want.” Seeming pleased with himself, Smash picked up the bag and held it out again, letting Nora dip her arms in. She pulled out a small bag of jerky. Helen, after popping the chem in her mouth, watched the woman curiously. “Is that all you want?” she asked.

“For a Mentat? Yeah.”

“You sure?”

Nora was sure. Ripping a girl and naïve super mutant off didn’t sit well with her. But apparently Smash didn’t like people taking Helen’s generosity too flippantly. He frowned at Nora, pushed the bag against her chest, and stared expectantly at her until she was digging through it again. Nora pulled out more jerky. Smash shook his head. She pulled out a bottle of water. Another disapproving shake. It wasn’t until the pack was almost empty that Smash seemed satisfied and snatched the pack away. Helen, pupils blown wide with a pleasant high, clapped her hands together. “I’m so glad that we ran into you today! That’s two trades in one day! Everyone else is going to be so pleased with Smash!”

“You ate one of his trades,” Fahrenheit pointed out.

“The only thing that matters is that it’s getting some use,” Helen replied. “Where are you guys headed?”

“Capital Wasteland. We’re taking care of the slavery problem,” Olivia said.

“Ooh. Good on you!” Helen seemed quite happy with them now. “Our vault is actually on the way. If you need a comfortable place to sleep for the night, you’re free to stop on by.” Nora had been confused at first. But now she was wary. Hancock, however, seemed to take everything the girl said at face value.

“That’s damn nice of you, sister. Not often you find anyone out here willing to stick their neck out to help someone in need.”

Helen waved the comment aside with her hand. “We’re lucky. We’ve got a functioning vault and an abundance of resources. Say, you want Smash to carry your stuff for you?” Before Nora could respond, the super mutant was already tugging off the packs and bedroll like a luggage boy. “Awesome! The vault’s just this way. That’s an awesome Pip Boy, by the way. What make is it?”

The Mentat made Helen pleasantly chatty. She strolled pleasantly next to Nora, asking her all sorts of questions. She’d learned the names of everyone with ease, and even politely turned down another offer of Mentats from Hancock. (“Too many and I’ll be on the ground, but thank you!”) Smash had also taken to carrying Shaun on his back, which pleased the young synth to no end. Nora kept a close eye on them, even after the Mentat wore off and Helen got a bit quieter – but not at all any less pleasant. Where she’d learned her politesse, Nora had no clue. There weren’t any others like her in the Commonwealth. It unnerved her.

Hancock must have recognized this, because he spoke quietly to her: “Just some nice people doing some nice things, love. Relax. Even Fahrenheit’s at ease.” Nora’s gaze flickered toward the blond woman. Fahrenheit kept a close eye on their surroundings, but didn’t seem at all bothered by Helen and Smash anymore. “Gotta admit – never stayed in a settlement for super mutants before. This is gonna be a new one for me.”

“None of this seems odd to you?” Nora asked. “John, who in the hell offers almost all of their supplies for a single chem?”

“A desperate junkie?”

“Who turns down a free offer for another high? I don’t think so.”

“You’re reading too much into it, babe.”

“Or you’re not reading enough of it.”

Hancock hummed, feigning interest in this thought, but Nora knew that he wouldn’t agree with her on the matter. Still, he had the common decency to walk close to her. Shaun laughed merrily from atop Smash’s shoulders, who bounced with each step. It wasn’t the super mutant that Nora was worried about. It was the overly-cheerful, suspiciously generous young girl that walked next to him, who seemed more out of place in the Commonwealth than Nora herself was when she’d first climbed out of her own vault.


	28. On Strange Things and Hospitality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to update! School's been getting the better of me. Smut chapter coming soon-ish, too. Still don't know when this fic is going to end. I love Nora and Hancock so much, I think I'll just keep putting them through hell so that they'll always have something to do. Yas. Sounds like plans hm. c:
> 
> Also my cat keeps farting and it makes my room smell like poofs. :c

Though the vault seemed to be run by nothing but super mutants and a girl that they, mysteriously, adored, it was clean, organized, and functional. Everyone else seemed remarkably at peace, having a safe place to sleep for the night, but Nora felt out of her element. The dirtiness of the Commonwealth contrasted with the immaculate cleanliness of the vault. It unnerved her that dozens of super mutants lived here, and those dozens were, aside from the odd argument, rather peaceable in nature. When Nora confronted Hancock about how odd she found this, he’d simply laughed and said, “Relax, babe. Everyone’s just trying to make a life for themselves out here. Nothing different between them and us. Except, you know, the green skin.”

It was easy for him to say that, though. Hancock had been born into this world. He’d learned its ways far quicker than Nora, who had to figure out real fast how to survive, lest she die. She was used to the comfy cushion of her pre-war home, and she’d only just begun figuring out how to make a life for herself here. Maybe he was right; maybe she was just overly wary of everyone these days. Especially people who openly welcomed her, without a single question. Rather than linger on her own reluctance to accept Helen’s generosity, Nora figured it would be best to speak with her.

She found Helen in the vault’s diner. A large super mutant in a _KISS THE COOK_ apron that seemed too tiny for his body stood behind the counter, a rubber spatula in one hand and a whisk in the other. He stared at Nora with his natural sneer, cake batter smeared over his face. “Welcome!” he boomed at her. “This is restaurant. I am Cook! Feed until you burst!”

“I’m good, thanks,” Nora said, and Cook grunted with disapproval.

“Strange human. No like for food.”

“You know,” Helen said, in her usual amicable way. She twisted about in her booth to look at Nora as the woman approached. “Cook’s actually pretty good at his job. And he takes a lot of pride in it. Word to the wise – if you come across a nice super mutant, just take what he offers you. It’s the best thing to do. Keeps them happy. Gives them a job.”

“Keeps them out of trouble,” Nora finished, settling in the seat across from Helen. The young woman smiled back, waved her hand dismissively.

“Apples and pears,” she said. “What’s up, Nora? You finding everything to your liking?”

Nora glanced around the diner. Just like the rest of the vault, it looked spotless – aside from the messy super mutant that spilled Nuka Cola onto the floor as he fumbled with a bottle opener. With a growl, he opted for opening the bottle with his nail instead. It worked. She wondered if those guys ever felt pain. “I’m just confused, I guess,” she said, turning her attention back to Helen. “Why trust us?” Helen laughed at that – loud, jovial, a tinkling sound that seemed more like music than anything else. If Nora believed in such things, she would have believed Helen was a fairy.

“I know what kind of a woman you are,” she said. “You saved us. Well, me, specifically, but by extension, you saved these guys, too. We’re all appreciative of what you’ve done. Don’t let their inarticulate nature fool you. They’re quite capable of knowing selflessness in humans.”

“Saved you? How?”

Helen leaned forward, bending herself over the tabletop. She whispered, “I’m a synth, Nora. And the Institution was hot on my trail before you put an end to it.” She held a finger to her lips. “Keep it a secret. These guys want to be more _human_. If they learned I wasn’t, then they’d be so disappointed.”

“Would they hurt you?”

“Of course not. They adore me. But look at them. They’re so happy. Why would I want to make them sad, just over split hairs?” Helen leaned back in her seat, arms folded across her chest. “I know it’s hard for you to understand why I trust you, but believe me when I say that I’m forever in your debt for what you did. I know the trouble that you went through, too. The war you started, the lives lost. We honor the sacrifices all those men and women had to make. Actually, Clap set up a shrine to honor the fallen. You can visit it down in the basement, if you want.”

“Clap?” Nora lifted an eyebrow.

“Super mutants have different naming mechanisms than we do. Clap got his name because he thought that when people pray, they clap their hands. He’s our resident priest. We don’t follow a religion here, but he boosts morale by teaching the fundamental to nearly every religion: Treat people as you want to be treated. Don’t cast the first stone, but if necessary, protect those who need it.”

Nora felt a little more at ease now, given the conversation. Instead of apprehension, she felt curiosity. She was amazed that Helen had gathered together so many super mutants and managed to keep them so peaceful. When Nora said so, Helen grinned. “This vault is my pride and joy,” she said. “And these boys are like family to me. I don’t know what I’d do without them. We watch out for each other.”

“I know some individual mutants who aren’t like the rest, but I’ve never come across an entire settlement like this,” Nora said.

“I imagine it’s quite rare. But they’re out there. We welcome new members into our vault every so often. You’d think that we’d be overflowing with people by now, but we’ve had our misfortunes.” Nora waited for an explanation. Helen frowned. Clearly, the subject was a sore spot for her. “Back when I just started helping these guys out, I wasn’t fully aware of the dangers that they could face. I would send them out in pairs on scavenging missions. They’d kill death claws, gather up the meat, bring it back. But occasionally, they’d come across a settlement that didn’t realize that these guys mean no harm. We’ve lost a few good men that way. It prompted me to start going out with them during every mission. They see a cute girl willingly traveling with a few super mutants, settlers generally stop to ask questions before shooting.”

“If you’re out there, who keeps things running here?”

“That would be Vinnie, my assistant. Despite the name, he’s also a super mutant. But he’s pretty intelligent. Very well-read. Apparently, the process didn’t get to his head. Only thing that makes him super mutant is the way he looks.” Cook approached then, carefully placing two mugs of coffee down on the table. Helen accepted one, blew on it, and took a small sip to test the temperature. “Our doors are open to you and yours any time, Nora,” she said. “You’re a hero, as far as we’re concerned. In fact, I wanted to offer you something. You’re taking care of that slavery problem up in the Capital Wasteland, right?” Nora nodded. “Well, that issue also affects us. We’ve harbored a few runaway slaves here and there, and it genuinely upsets my boys. They don’t like the inequality. So if you get rid of that problem, you’d be doing us another solid. We’ve got a lot to offer in return. Like fire power, exceptional trade – everything that comes from good alliances.”

“I’m down for that,” Nora said.

“I’m glad. If you don’t mind, I’d like for Smash to go with you to the Wasteland,” Helen said. “He’s a good warrior, and he’ll listen to you. Plus, he’ll be excited to be a part of something big. Would you be willing?”

Nora wasn’t certain how prepared she was to allow a super mutant into her small circle of friends. It bothered her that her son would be so close to someone that could potentially harm him, but at the same time, Smash could potentially protect Shaun if what Helen said was true. “How’s he with kids?” Nora asked reluctantly.

“The best,” Helen reassured her. “Those slaves we harbored? Some of them had children of their own, and Smash adored them. You saw how he handled Shaun earlier, carrying him around like they were best friends. He’s just a big softie underneath all that … you know. Smashing.”

“I don’t know, Helen.”

“I understand your reluctance. Tell you what – spend a few days here. Get to know my boys. Check out the memorial Clap put together. You’ll see what makes them so special.” Helen took another sip of coffee. “In a couple days, I was going to take Smash out to hunt a deathclaw that’s set up camp not too far from him. If you’d go with us, you can see how he operates.”

“That sounds like a plan.”

“Glad to hear it. Get some rest. Take some time to enjoy life a little bit before you throw yourself back into the fire. After all you’ve been through, you deserve it.”


	29. On Honor and Mourning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What, you thought I was done? You thought that taking a year off from the fic was a sign that I'd never come back to it?
> 
> UM HOW D A R E YOU I AM A SERIOUS WRITER WHO WRITES SERIOUS THINGS WHO DEALS WITH SERIOUS SUBJECT MATTERS.
> 
> it's not a phase mom :(
> 
> No but seriously. I have a lot I still want to do with this. More smut to write, more OCs to introduce, more canon characters to dissect and get involved. I mean, I'm not saying Danse has been woefully neglected, but I'm not NOT saying it, either. (y o u f e e l m e ?????????) Smut still coming up "soon". And I've evolved into an even more insecure piece of shit so you get to deal with that. You also get to deal with more chapters involving Mom!Nora with her synth son.
> 
> I swear Dan Harmon is secretly my father because we're the only two people who take this long to update something.

Vinnie was a large super mutant, even by species standards, and loomed over almost all of his counterparts as they passed. He walked in front of Nora as they descended the stairs to the tunnels below the Vault, where Clap kept the memorial. He glanced over his large, green shoulder at her. She chewed on her lip as she looked up at him. “Not much further,” he said. “I hope the walk isn’t too uncomfortable.”

“Why would it be?” Nora asked.

“If it’s not for you,” Vinnie said, “then it is for me. Can’t get past the idea that you’re staring at my ass.” Nora laughed. His easy humor was too familiar to her. They walked wordlessly the rest of the way, turning down halls until they entered a room dimly-lit with candles. Inside, it was empty save for two prior occupants: A super mutant that Nora guessed was Clap, and an impossible-to-read Fahrenheit that leaned with her hip pressed up against a column as she stared thoughtfully at the altar. Vinnie moved to stand at the back of the room so that Nora had more space to look around.

She moved toward Fahrenheit, who barely even glanced up at her. “I didn’t take you for the religious type,” Nora said.

Fahrenheit grunted. “I’m not.” She pushed herself off the column with a great sigh and gestured toward the altar, which held countless hand-drawn stick figure pictures. Clumsy lines, horribly spelled names. Nora’s heart ached when she came across a familiar name. Aside from the Z being backwards, it was obviously Mr. Zwicky. “They made these themselves.”

“John been down here?” asked Nora. “He’d love to see this.”

“He came down here once,” Fahrenheit confirmed, her lips tight with thought. Nora wondered what was going on in that head of hers, and decided that there was no real way to know. Fahrenheit, like everyone else, was defined by more than just a single dimension or a string of adjectives. She was complex, and undoubtedly she felt emotions like it, too. But anyone who watched the woman for more than thirty seconds knew that those emotions were secret. Even if Nora tried to pry, Fahrenheit would sooner her knock her ass to the ground than confide in her about whatever turmoil she was feeling. “He liked it, but said it was too heavy. Couldn’t stick around for too long.” She glanced sidelong at Nora before gesturing for the woman to step closer to the altar. Fahrenheit pointed at a picture, one that seemed less crudely drawn than the rest but still childish. On a single piece of paper, someone had drawn a series of small stick figures, standing side by side and on top of one another in multiple different colors. Above their heads, they had written one symbol, repeated three times: _? ? ?_

Nora looked closer at it, frowning. Fahrenheit spoke up again, clearing the confusion. “Your son,” she said. Nora took a step back.

“What’s it a picture of?” Nora asked. Obviously, they were people who had died, but beyond that, she didn’t understand. Fahrenheit shrugged, her brow furrowed. Thankfully, Clap had overheard them and turned to address the women.

“The children,” Clap said, his roaring voice a terrifying imitation of sorrow. “Lost. No names. Just question after question.” Nora lifted her fingers to touch the picture. It had been drawn with crayon, something she hadn’t seen once since she woke up in Vault 111. Her fingers felt the indentations of an invisible mark, and she lifted the corner of the page up to look underneath it, expecting to see a picture that Shaun’s had hidden. Instead, she saw that he’d drawn four additional figures on the back.

A frowning figure. _Dad._

A crying figure. _Mom._

Between the two, an angry figure. _Son._

Nora felt nausea well up inside of her, and she looked to the forth figure he’d drawn. Shaun had scribbled the body and face out violently in black crayon. She figured that he’d pressed hard enough down on it that it had left an indent, and that was what she’d felt. Above that figure, he’d written: _Father._

“I’m not child psychologist,” Fahrenheit said, looking over Nora’s shoulder, “but that kid’s got something on his mind.”

“No shit,” Nora said, sighing as she flattened the paper again. “I don’t understand it.”

“He was ripped from his home and just found out who he really is,” Fahrenheit said, like Nora was too stupid to figure it out on her own. “What’s not to understand?”

“No, I get why he’s mad,” Nora said. “I just don’t understand …” Her voice trailed off. She didn’t understand why Shaun seemed _okay_ when he so clearly wasn’t. Why was he laughing, acting like a normal boy, when he had issues he needed to work through? She sighed. “I just need to remember who he is,” Nora said. “That his emotions are different from ours. He processes things differently. It just makes him difficult to reach out to. I don’t know how to do it.”

“Well.” Fahrenheit moved away, leaning back against the column again, “just be grateful he won’t ever be a teenager. Can you imagine?” Nora laughed, and Fahrenheit smiled. “ _It’s not a phase, Mom_.”

“Thank God I’ll never have to deal with that,” Nora agreed.

“He gets to stay sweet for the rest of your life,” Fahrenheit said, and there was something to her tone. It had lost the edge. She seemed almost … sympathetic? Or was that empathy? Either way, it tugged at Nora’s heart and she felt like she was getting a glimpse into who Fahrenheit really was. For the first time, Nora realized how someone like Hancock could trust someone like Fahrenheit. She wasn’t just tough. She had another side to her that people rarely got to see. Nora felt honored to see this part of who Fahrenheit was. Soft, almost even vulnerable. Not the kind of vulnerability that came with exposing herself, but the kind that came with connecting to someone who needed it. She was letting her guard down for Nora’s benefit. “The little boy who was taken from you, and he stays at a pivotal point in his life.”

Nora sighed, felt her chest swell with immense emotion. Fahrenheit was right. While she’d been against it at first, Nora was coming to realize that this Shaun – the synth that had been brought back to her – was a gift beyond what she could have ever imagined. Not only did she have the chance to be a mother again – and to be a mother for the rest of her life – but Shaun had the chance to feel family. Real family. It didn’t matter that they weren’t blood. And what Fahrenheit said next made Nora think the woman could read minds: “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

A great, heaving noise echoed behind them. Fahrenheit and Nora turned at the same time to see Vinnie wiping his eyes. He sobbed uncontrollably. Fahrenheit rolled her eyes, the corner of her lips turned up into an obvious lie. She seemed sarcastic, unwilling to accept emotion from the super mutant, but her lip twitched and her chin quivered just enough that she must be thinking the same thing Nora was.

Everyone, even super mutants, knew what loss felt like. But not everyone knew what it was like to find what had been lost.


End file.
